Visual Impairment and Its Effects on Mental Health

Check out our latest vlog HERE!

Nora talks through visual impairments and their effects on mental health. Learn tips and tricks for working through impairments and how to improve your mental health today!

I have a passion for singing with people and helping them find a sense of hope in their most vulnerable moments. I believe that everyone has a right to be heard and validated. I use a client-centered, collaborative approach allowing the person the opportunity to discover the barriers that keep them from living their best life. In addition, I serve as a guide for the client to reach their own personal goals.

I enjoy working with people of all ages, including children, teens, and adults. My therapeutic space is always compassionate and non-judgmental to allow a safe and comfortable place to navigate and explore what is needed.

I am a member of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (CAMFT).

Insomnia: The Struggle Within

Insomnia is one of the most common disorders in individuals. With all of today’s stress, at least 25 % of adults and children struggle with insomnia.

The most common causes of insomnia include stress, an irregular sleep schedule, poor sleeping habits, mental health disorders like anxiety and depression, physical illnesses and pain, medications, neurological problems, and specific sleep disorders If you struggle with insomnia (a condition that causes trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, or both) it can have a profound impact on your quality of life, leading to fatigue, trouble concentrating, mood problems, and even an increased risk of accidents while driving. 

One way to decrease insomnia is to have a regular daily schedule. This allows you to train your mind for sleep.

The next step is to have proper Sleep hygiene. Staying nice, clean and fresh increases our mood decreases stress and causes us to fall asleep easier and stay asleep longer. 

Another suggestion would be to drink tea without caffeine such as chamomile, daily reading before bed help develop a habit of sleep.  Avoiding stimulating activities such as video games, television and screen time an hour before bed.

If you struggle with racing thoughts before bed, you should practice writing down in a daily journal your activities throughout the day, how you feel and express emotions and thoughts through journaling. 

Another suggestion is to have external noise such as a fan or nature sounds to assist you with falling asleep faster and staying asleep longer. 

There also has been suggestions of drinking tart cherry juice before sleep to decrease insomnia. 

The new studies published in the European Journal of Medicine at the end of October shows that tart cherry juice can improve the quality of your sleep, your sleep duration, and help reduce the need for daytime napping.  A discovery was made that adults who drank two 1 ounce servings of tart cherry juice per day experienced a demonstrable increase in sleep efficiency as well as a 39 minute increase in average sleep duration. (WOW!)

So to recap, if you’re struggling with Insomnia, make a daily list of activities, have good hygiene and shower before bedtime, journal any racing thoughts that you have about your day and any stressors and concerns, eliminate all electronics such as video games and television at least an hour before sleep, it’s suggested to drink a warm cup of tea non-caffeinated, turn on some external sound such as a fan or nature sounds to assist with relaxation. The last suggestion is to try tart cherry juice- which is actually pretty good. 

Remember insomnia is normal if it’s not chronic. Everybody faces difficulties in sleeping over the course of their life. However, if this is an ongoing concern and is impairing your daily function due to lack of sleep it is recommended that you seek professional assistance from a healthcare provider such as a medical physician and therapist.

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My name is Lisa Jacobs Clark, I am a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with CCS. I specialize in children, young adults and women that have or are dealing with depression and anxiety. I have a passion for this population. I entered this field of employment to assist individuals struggling with depression, anxiety and life changing events. Besides assisting individuals in areas that they struggle with, I also am an advocate for children and for families. I truly feel that my purpose is to help the community through therapeutic interventions, mentoring and providing unconditional positive regard to all of my clients. My heart continues to be invested in the work that I provide for the community and CCS. Just as all the other therapists at CCS we are committed to provide and help individuals achieve a better tomorrow.

How To Stop Fighting Your Spouse

One of the first questions I like to ask my client is are you on the same team or on opposing teams?

Do you ever feel like your spouse is not understanding or getting you? 

Have you felt afraid, worried, or on egg shells lately when talking to your spouse? 

Do you find yourself arguing more often about not being understood? 

The best way to figure out what is happening or what went wrong is to use self-reflection and figure out what stressors have been affecting you and your relationship.  At times, we are unaware or lack self-awareness to what is happening in our intimate relationship or even ourselves.  Some may ask what is self-awareness.  I like to explain it as taking a break and asking yourself “how am I doing today or what happened to change my mood?” Many people wear multiple hats and it is hard to check in with self when handling multiple obligations. Some examples: spousal duties, a job, a child, pets, an elderly parent, a sick family member, household responsibilities/chores, errands, finances, family appt.’s, school/sports, daycare, extended family calls, friends, and/or other things that take up our time, you fill in your own blank. 

Not to mention, still dealing with current COVID 19 pandemic, social restrictions, and current fear of unknowns.  Some relationships are equally stressed to being around a spouse longer periods of times since COVID 19/post pandemic outcomes. 

Self-Awareness

I believe the problem we are facing is the lack of self-awareness, not frequently checking in with self, and not asking the right questions:

“how am I doing?” and “what do I need?” 

Whatever your role is in your home, life can be complicated, difficult and it takes time to be in tune with ourselves.  It is difficult to take care of others unless we take charge of our own mental health by checking in with ourselves.  It takes work to eat, sleep, exercise, have fun, make time for self, and being present to enjoy a spouse/family.  It takes work to take a time out and reflect on our own needs. 

I’ve heard this often from either spouse, “I can’t read their mind.”  I agree with this statement, “your spouse does not know how to meet your needs unless you know what they are and you communicate it.”

Your Views

Some may say, “well my spouse doesn’t care or doesn’t understand me.”  That might be true.  However, I like challenging spouses to look at the bigger picture and ask themselves, “how will we get to a place where we can communicate, compromise, and enjoy each other?”  Knowing yourself and being able to communicate needs is a good step in the right direction to helping improve your relationship with your spouse.  Being able to communicate in a respectful manner and valuing each other’s needs promotes intimacy and relationship with your partner.  Our self-mantra can be, “I’m loved, I’m important, I’m able to communicate my needs to build connection with the person I love.” “It can be scary at times, but I can do this.”  Ultimately the goal is to draw closer to our spouse and not moving away from them. 

There are many ways of helping reduce your fights with your spouse, but it is equally important to reflect on what you tell yourself and what is your mindset.  I wish I could say all it takes is taking a magic wand, swirling it over each couple, and fights vanish.  If it were that easy, fights or arguments wouldn’t really exist.  The bigger question is, “what am I able or willing to do to help draw closer to my spouse?”  Another helpful question to ask, “how do I view my spouse?”  “are they valuable, important, can we do life together, and are we on the same team?”  I hope you say we are teammates. 

If your spouse is your teammate, here are some steps/questions to pose to drawing closer to your spouse:

1. What am I telling myself about my spouse? Is it helpful, truth based, and will these thoughts draw me closer to my spouse? Understand this before engaging your spouse. If you’re not in the right head space then come up with more helpful or true thinking statements.

2. Have I checked in with myself today? Have I identified my needs for today (i.e. coffee, breaks, fun activity, rest, sleep, and help with other duties)? Use self-reflection/checking in with self and identify your mood and decide how you want to approach/engage your spouse.

3. If you’re not ready, that is ok like some coaches say, “walk it off.”

4. Set up a team meeting with your spouse. It’s time to communicate. Present your list of things that you need for the day/week and approach your spouse to help you be on the same page (i.e. picking up kids, deciding what’s for dinner, and or requesting a break from your regular day). It’s equally important to stay positive and hopeful rather than negative.

5. It is also important not assuming your spouse doesn’t care or currently knows your needs if not communicated. It takes work, it is better to communicate your needs in a respectful and loving way in hopes of increasing intimacy. Practice makes perfect and the mindset of, “we are a team and we need each other” is a great way of facing difficulty.

6. Lastly, check on your spouse, have you asked what they need, have we worked on helping them feel valued and loved. Have we’ve surprised our spouse lately with the things that they like? Make it a point to make yourself available for them and communicate how valuable they are with affirming words or with a love note.

I think following these steps is a start, but if you are needing some additional help in your relationship please feel free in setting up an appointment for therapeutic services.  I know that every relationship is different and each couple has other traumas and barriers that make this difficult to achieve at times.  I’d be happy to start this journey of self-discovery, identifying ongoing needs, and exploring ways of improving intimacy with your spouse and decreasing the fights.  I hope this information has provided some hope, helpful insight, and ways of improving intimacy with your team mate.  

Best of luck in drawing closer to your spouse. 

Regards,

Erika Hernandez, LPCC

Hi, I look forward to being a part of your journey of self-discovery and healing.

Helping individuals and families is my passion. I have many years of experience providing therapeutic services in Spanish or English. I invite you on this journey of collaborating, identifying your needs, and learning how to meet those needs for better daily living.

I have helped individuals and families in the areas of depression, anxiety, trauma, difficult life transitions, improving pro-social skill, developing healthy relationships/boundaries, assisting with parenting skills, and working on boundary setting, improving self-esteem, and adjusting to family dynamic changes (i.e., divorce, grief, and other family stressor or life changes).

I enjoy working with multicultural individuals and welcome incorporating creative and artistic expression in my scheduled therapeutic sessions as a method of the ongoing development of coping skill use. My therapeutic modality preference is through a creative lens in combination with CBT, Trauma Focused-CBT, Seeking Safety, Motivational Interviewing, and Narrative Therapy.

I count it a privilege to help clients and families with the healing process of self-discovery, freedom of expression, increasing personal interests, sharing their story, identifying their own personal values, current, and future motivations, developing healthy and positive self-talk, increasing hope, incorporating their own personal faith-based values, and developing a reasonable action plan to improve daily and functional living.

Prior to joining the CCS, I provided intensive field-based therapeutic services to children and adolescents with severe mental health challenges and their families at Pacific Clinics.

Please, call me today to set up an appointment, 951-778-0230.

Depression: recognizing the signs, how to cope, and where to find help

Depression can make it tough to enjoy life, especially when feelings of despair and hopelessness always persist. 

Some notable symptoms include depressed mood (feeling sad, irritable, empty) or a loss of pleasure or interest in activities, for most of the day, nearly every day, for at least two weeks. Several other symptoms are also present, which may include poor concentration, feelings of excessive guilt or low self-worth, hopelessness about the future, thoughts about dying or suicide, disrupted sleep, changes in appetite or weight, and feeling especially tired or low in energy. 

In some contexts, people may express their mood changes more readily in the form of bodily symptoms (ie. pain, fatigue, weakness). Yet, these physical symptoms are not due to another medical condition. 

During a depressive episode, a person may experience significant difficulty in personal, family, social, educational, occupational, and/or other important areas of functioning. 

A depressive episode can be categorized as mild, moderate, or severe depending on the number and severity of symptoms, as well as the impact on the individual’s functioning. 

Below are some tips to begin self-help for managing symptoms of depression:

1. Engage in enjoyable activities: Spend time doing something you love each day. Spending time consistently to do things that bring us joy has a compound effect on our overall happiness and quality of life.

2. Physical activity: Walking and yoga are great ways to boost the “feel good” chemical in our brain and increase mood.

3. Journaling: Journaling helps to manage our thoughts and feelings and get them off our mind.

4. Listen to music: Music is another fantastic way to cope with depression. Make a playlist of uplifting songs to listen to when you’re feeling down.

5. Relax: Relaxation can also help you cope with negative feelings. Take a hot shower, a bath, and watch a movie or TV show. You will be surprised at what some good R&R can do for your mood.

6. Volunteer: Volunteering is a great way to avoid negative thoughts and help those who may be worse off than you. Serving others is a proven way to build self-esteem and resiliency. Look for volunteer opportunities in your area.

7. Get enough sleep: Sleep also correlates with your mood. If youre not sleeping well, then you probably feel more depressed and irritable, not to mention tired. Talk to your doctor about your options to help you get a good night's sleep.

***Seeking help and support can seem impossible, but there is hope and assistance out there.

Where to find support:

SAMHSA’s National Helpline

• SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental health and/or substance use disorders.

• Visit the online treatment locator:

https://findtreatment.samhsa.gov/ 

OR Call: 1-800-662-4357

Other options to seek help: 

1. Call your doctor and make an appointment.

2. Call your local County Mental Health clinic.

~Brandi Scott, LMFT

I have been a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist since 2007. I enjoy working with all ages, but have specialized in children and adolescents with severe emotional disturbances. I enjoy family time, bicycling, and going to the beach. I feel blessed to have the opportunity to help people, as this has always been my passion.

Accidents Happen to All of Us

At the age of ten I was in a fairly bad car accident. It left me with a broken nose and severe whiplash. By age twelve I was beginning to complain about neck and pack pains and by fourteen the feelings were daily. Throughout high school it was not uncommon to hear me complaining about my neck and back or constantly pulling and adjusting at my shoulders. At that time, however, it did not keep me from doing the things I loved to do, such as sewing, dance, and other physical activities. My homelife was also stressful at that time and days where pain flareups were worse, I often did little to nothing. Of course, doing little to nothing can be common in teenage years, but the constant pain on top of stress could drain the energy from me and leave me with no reserves for basic functions. 

I married and had kids young and the stress of this also made for difficulties in managing my pain. By the age of twenty-five and a couple more car accidents, I had finally had enough and sought more intensive treatment. I was given shots, pills, and physical therapy. All of which provided temporary relief (except perhaps the agonizing and daily requirements of physical therapy which took a long time to see lasting results from), and I was never one to want to be dependent on pills. I needed to reevaluate everything.

The Problem

Experiencing chronic pain can impact not only your daily functioning, but your mental health. Pain can have a significant impact on all areas of our lives from sleep to eating to even thinking straight. The populations with the highest rates of suicide deaths are those cited as nearly one in ten having had signs of chronic pain. Pain can affect the way we sleep and our quality of sleep, making our ability to eat and tolerate stress and frustration impossible, as well as decrease focus/concentration-related accidents. Sleep is arguably one of the most important basic functions we can do as humans. Our mental health is directly affected when we are negatively impacted by constant and persistent pain, creating a level of emotional hostility when we are preoccupied with managing even mild rates of discomfort. We become less friendly, experience less happiness, basic functional impairment (as discussed above), and increase our production of the stress hormone cortisol.

While there is a physiological and medical cause for a lot of chronic pain, it is important to critically evaluate your lifestyle and the way we interact with ourselves. While our mental state and emotional health may not always be a cause of pain, it is something well documented to have somatic implications on our physical health.

Why This Matters

Chronic pain and its emotional effects it can have in our lives can hinder our self-esteem, self-efficacy, and our relationships with others. This is important because we rely on the emotional (and sometimes physical) support of others. It can feel hard to tolerate being an emotional support for others when you feel constant agony within yourself. It can fuel undo resentment that is difficult to rationalize. It can cause us to be short-tempered, snarky, snappy, or completely unresponsive. Chronic pain can damage relationships as much as it can damage our self-worth and self-esteem. 

The presence of chronic pain can create and worsen our perception and interaction with others and the world by depriving us of basic needs as well as emotional wellbeing.

The types of chronic pain we all can deal with will vary from person to person and natural temperament plays an important role too. Our support system is another big factor which is why pushing people away for what we cannot control is the last thing we want to do! We may not be able to control how we feel at any given moment, but we always have control over our behaviors and the words we choose to express our pains and frustrations.

What Can We Do?

While the idea of managing chronic pain with no end in sight can be daunting as well as devastating, it is important to have a team behind you. This is your care team of professionals, such as doctors and therapists, as well as your support team such as friends and family. If pain management has minimal effects on comfort, such as those suffering with fibromyalgia or other painful conditions, having a solid care routine is crucial. Follow your medical doctor’s recommendations and advice religiously. 

You can also get emotional and mental support from mental health therapists that can teach you coping skills such as cognitive behavioral therapy, mindfulness therapy, somatic anchoring techniques, and exploring commitment and radical, unconditional acceptance. With support it can become easier to express your immediate needs, your limitations, and how others can best help you when you most need it. Through evaluation and inner awareness you can assess where your lifestyle can improve your quality of life as well as emotional factors playing into the worsening of symptoms.

It is important to remember we are sometimes overtaken by our intense pain, both physically and emotionally, that it is easy to overlook the good and where we can improve our own environment to support healthy functions.

Next Steps

What can we do next? Start with seeking support for emotional wellness and mental fortitude while you battle a force beyond your control. Seek someone who can help guide you through the mourning process and feelings of loss that chronic pain causes. Practice patience for yourself through this acceptance process on days you cannot do as much as you did yesterday. Use mindfulness exercises that help you through this acceptance process, but also allow yourself to experience positive moments throughout your day. While pain is experienced in the body, it is perceived only in the brain. A trained cognitive behavioral therapist can help put the experience of your pain into context and better understanding of your body. Your next steps may be daunting, but you do not have to endure it alone. Call me I understand you pain.

The Meaning of Life: Less Intimidating Than It Sounds

What’s the point?

For many of us, pandemic life has thrown more than just our daily routines into chaos. It’s shown us pain, loss, and suffering on a global scale – and for most of us, this is different from anything we’ve experienced before now. When we’re surrounded by so much uncertainty,

it’s easy to wonder what the point of it all is.

Ultimately, we can’t prevent all bad things from happening to us, and we can’t avoid pain and loss forever. But experiencing terrible things feels… well, terrible. So, if part of the human experience is accepting the reality of pain and loss, what’s an ordinary human to do about it? How can we find a sense of purpose or meaning in the midst of a pandemic, war, political unrest, chronic illness, or anything else we might face in life?

Defining “Meaning”

The difficult thing about “meaning” is that it can’t easily be quantified – we can’t see it or measure it, so how do we know when our lives have it? Maybe more importantly, what IS the meaning of life and where do we find it?

There really isn’t any “one size fits all” answer to that question for everyone. But don’t let that discourage you – from an Existential-Humanistic theoretical approach, that lack of a concrete answer means that we each have the freedom and capability to determine what makes our lives meaningful, and then take our own steps to attain it. From this philosophical standpoint, life’s meaning can look different for each of us. 

Perhaps the best question to ask isn’t, “What’s the meaning of life?” but rather,

 “What’s the meaning of MY life?”

From an Existential viewpoint, the bad things that happen to us are constant reminders of our own limits and eventual mortality.

This means that it’s up to us to be responsible for creating meaningful lives and making each day count to the fullest.

 The Humanistic viewpoint is that people are generally good, with the free will to make the best choices, and the potential for self-improvement. When combined together, these philosophies can help create an approach that motivates us to become our best selves, and tap into our personal power for growth and interconnectedness.

Identifying Values and Goals

If you want to take a deeper look at your life and start creating your own meaning, where should you begin? 

There are a couple of brainstorming approaches you can take. First, start thinking about where the most important things in your life come from. Are they extrinsic, coming from outside influences? Or are they intrinsic, coming from within yourself? 

Next, write a list of your most deeply held values – including those important things you already brainstormed about. You can get really abstract with this – remember, there is no right or wrong answer. 

Think about what brings you joy, what ideas or morals you believe are worth fighting for, and ultimately what makes your life worth living from one day to the next.

Finally, think about what you would like to accomplish in your life. Make a list of these “bucket list” goals.

What did you come up with? You might have written down things like raising children, helping others, or your career. Did you write about your passion for a particular cause? Do you have a goal to contribute to society and connect with others in a specific way? Maybe you want to support an organization for animal rights, perform community service with a marginalized population, or promote awareness for research to cure an illness that has impacted your life.

Don’t forget your own personal development, as well. When you wrote your lists, did you include friendships, partner relationships, and family bonds? What about things like hobbies, education, or physical well-being? Making healthy choices for yourself are an important part of the personal growth process that will help you form connections with the world around you and interpret it in meaningful ways. 

Further Framework

Viktor Frankl wrote Man’s Search for Meaning in 1946 after his experiences as a prisoner in Nazi concentration camps. He developed a therapeutic method for individuals to find purpose and meaning in life, and part of his method was to identify three values that he felt were the core of that meaning. Frankl’s three life values are:

Creative Value: What we create or accomplish is the gift we give to the world around us.

Experiential Value: What we receive from the world through our experiences and encounters.

Attitudinal Value: The attitudes we choose to have about bad situations that we cannot control.

Frankl believed that we can create our own meaning by giving something back to the world, by experiencing love for others, and by acknowledging our pain and loss, yet choosing to persevere even when things are difficult. Are Frankl’s life values part of the lists you wrote? 

Dr. Paul Wong also built on Frankl’s ideas to create his PURE model to help individuals find their life’s purpose and meaning. You can use it as an additional guideline to take a closer look at the way you live in relation to your values and goals. PURE stands for:

Purpose: Your life goals and what you want to accomplish.

Understanding: Yourself, the situations around you, and your life as a whole.

Responsible action: Doing the right thing, in line with your personal values.

Enjoyment and Evaluation: The happiness that comes from living your authentic purpose, and regularly checking in with yourself to make sure that you are on the right path.

Dr. Wong also adheres to several specific sources of meaning, such as achievement, self-transcendence, relationships, intimacy, and fairness. These sources can serve as the building blocks that you can use to apply the ideas in the PURE model to your own life. Did you write any of Dr. Wong’s sources on your lists?

Next Steps

Now that you have an outline to use as a starting point, get creative! Reach out and see what your community has to offer, learn new skills, choose habits that will cultivate your well-being, and foster new connections with those around you. Remember that the goal isn’t to avoid all of the pain and loss that comes with the human experience, but for each of us to live an authentic life according to our values, and to find our own meaning in the process.

Additional sources:

Center for Substance Abuse Treatment. Brief Interventions and Brief Therapies for Substance Abuse. Rockville (MD): Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (US); 1999. (Treatment Improvement Protocol (TIP) Series, No. 34.) Chapter 6 --Brief Humanistic and Existential Therapies. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK64939/

Frankl, V. E. (1984). Man's search for meaning: An introduction to logotherapy. New York: Simon & Schuster.

Wong, Paul. (2011). Positive Psychology 2.0: Towards a Balanced Interactive Model of the Good Life. Canadian Psychology/Psychologie canadienne. 52. 69-81. 10.1037/a0022511.

If you need more help with your life’s meaning give CCS Education and Wellness a call and I will be happy to work with you.

~Marika Lopez, Student Therapist

Teens are More Prone to Anxiety

The last couple of years have been stressful, and not knowing when or maybe I should say if this pandemic will ever go away has caused ever greater stress. A recent research study in the Journal of Clinical Medicine entitled, Anxiety in Older Adolescents at the Time of COVID-19 (September 2020) has demonstrated higher than usual symptoms leading to severe psychological, emotional, social, and relationship concerns. It should also be noted that teens are affected with higher rates of anxiety, with nearly 1 in 3 teens meeting the criteria for an Anxiety Disorder.

Fear is the emotion that trumps all emotions, and it sets the alarms off in our brain to take some action to protect ourselves. When that happens, we are in the “Fight, Flight or Freeze” response in our brains. When this occurs, the brain releases a ton of neurochemicals which includes hormones like adrenaline and noradrenaline, increased blood pressure, and breathing rates (increased oxygen), all to single your body at least temporary to make you more powerful, stronger, faster, more cognitively aware so you can keep yourself alive by fighting or fleeing. Our brains want us to thrive, and thus sometimes, our brain becomes overprotective. Anxiety is a normal response to the pandemic, fear, social isolation, and the virus itself. The pandemic has enforced physical distancing, isolation, less direct communication, and unpredictability. If you haven’t noticed, we humans love some consistency. 

If we think about being a teen and the developmental stages, it’s the teen’s job, if you will; to try on new social groups, values, big emotional responses, pushing away from parents (just a bit) to determine who they are, future planning and brain growth. 

The pandemic stopped the “normal flow” of being a teen.

According to an article in Penn State Social Research, Teens and Anxiety During COVID 19. 79% of teens reported not seeing friends or family in person has been the most harmful consequence of COVID. Additionally, higher rates of anxiety, negative self-talk, blame, and physical symptoms have also been reported.

Parents weren’t immune to pandemic stress; they too had to overcome pandemic anxiety and balance increased childcare needs due to school closures and financial and other health concerns. Single parents had it particularly hard as resources dried up. 

There is some good news; teens got more sleep during the pandemic, with a 14% increase in sleep overall. We turned to social media to help stay connected, and while it can’t give you a hug, we could stay connected. Many families could try new hobbies like gardening, bike riding, or cooking together. New activities make our brains happy and decrease stress. 

Tools to Learn

Have you ever heard of Mindfulness? This tool helps decrease anxiety by helping us remain in the present and not thinking of all the “what ifs” of the future. Feeling the feeling or sensation of your body and just noticing what is happening. No judgment, just notice. It’s being gentle with you. 

Jamie D. Roberts, LMFT, in her new book Mindfulness for Teen Anxiety, Describes  “Noticing The Neutral”  Since our brains are hardwired to find the negative, we must teach our brains to identify other thoughts too. She describes a quick 10-minute exercise you just notice what you’re thinking about. Are these The are main points include. 

1. Pause what you are thinking and review the day you had.

2. Notice any interactions or moments that stand out. Set them aside in your mind.

3. What occurred in between those moments? Consider the mundane and typical daily activities that do not bring up extreme feelings (either positive or negative)

Examples:

Your phone is 50% charged

Your sibling is sitting next to you

You don’t have homework

4. Are there moments that happen daily or regularly? Make a note of it?

5. If you can’t think of something, pay close attention through tomorrow and try the exercise again tomorrow.

Bottom-line, the more time we pay attention to the “okay moments,” the more we will notice that life is not all bad.

Other activities to decrease anxiety include physical exercise, laughing, finding a great movie, or spending time with friends; laughing is a physical release so exercise that funny bone, eating healthy, learning something new, and journaling have proven to help reduce anxiety. 

If anxiety still is overpowering, call us at CCS Education and Wellness to help. (951) 742-7435

Gratitude: How To Find It And How To Use It

Few things in life are free but luckily for us, gratitude is among them. The last few years have been unrecognizable with the constant change, uncertainty, and associated stressors with living during a global pandemic (If you are alive and reading my post, here is the first thing to be grateful for…think of it as a freebie ☺). 

Whether your difficulties preceded or were brought on by or during the pandemic—from health, grief and loss, depression, anxiety, stress, and financial problems, to work-related, family, and relationship issues—you are NOT alone! The important thing to remember, no matter which difficulties resonate, is that we are here for you and can help. 

Finding gratitude in your everyday can also help.

What is gratitude? The Oxford Dictionary defines gratitude as the “quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.” Gratitude “can be viewed as a wider life orientation towards noticing and being grateful for the positive in the world” (Jans-Beken et al., 2019, p. 743). Delving further, gratitude is noticing what is abundant, already present (big or small), while taking nothing for granted and appreciating the gift of and saying yes to life (Emmons & McCullough, 2003; Team, 2017). 

Why is gratitude important you ask? Over the years scientists have found a positive link between gratitude, positive emotions, health, and well-being (Jans-Beken et al., 2019). Research has shown gratitude can help make friends, improve physical and psychological health, improve sleep, boost self-esteem, reduce aggression and enhance empathy (Oppland, 2022). With this realization, interventions soon were developed to assist anyone who was interested in finding what they have to be grateful for in their lives, from gratitude journaling to meditation, there is something for everyone (Jans-Beken et al., 2019; Oppland, 2022).

Gratitude journaling consists of writing about things, people, pets, places, acts, and/or events you feel grateful for (Jans-Beken et al., 2019). Doing so at least once a week is a great way to begin your practice. You can do this in a notebook, a note on your phone, on your computer, or even share (and perhaps inspire others) on your social media. There are no rules, you can journal several times a week or daily if you like. 

Another way to begin your practice is to get a jar (or any vessel you prefer), write on paper what you are grateful for, and put it inside (Oppland, 2022). Many suggest writing three things on the paper from your day or week, but you could have one thing one day and five the next. If you do not want to put your paper in a jar, you could create a gratitude tree, a flower, a collage, or whatever you desire (Oppland, 2022). 

If writing and artsy projects are not your cups of tea, then I suggest trying meditation. Find a quiet spot where you can sit or lay down, whichever is most comfortable. You can set a timer; I suggest somewhere between 3-5 minutes. Focus on how your body feels and your breath as you breathe in and out. With gratitude meditation, you visualize what you are grateful for in your life, including your body’s current abilities (i.e. breathing, having the arm strength to propel your wheelchair, sight, etc.). Your mind will most likely wander, show yourself some grace and return to your mediation.

Whatever path you chose, have some fun while finding your gratitude, however, please keep in mind that in order to become good at anything, you must practice, and finding gratitude in your day is no different. Most everyone gets swept up in society’s bigger, better, faster, newer mindset whether it be with cell phones, cars, houses, or body enhancements…you get my drift. However, in your gratitude practice do not be surprised if you find contentment in what you already possess. Your cell phone may not be the newest version, but you are grateful to have one, that it works, and can use it to communicate with your friends and family. Your significant other may not look as new as they once did, but you appreciate your time together, the lines on their face from your shared laughter, and being alive. Today, whether you are on top of the world or in your darkest hour, I encourage you to recognize/see/find one thing in your life for which you are grateful <3 and remember we are here for you. 


-Kristen

“Great things are done by a series of small things brought together” - Vincent Van Gogh

My name is Kristen (she/her) and I am an MSW Student Intern here at CCS. I have over 15 years of experience working in adult and child welfare and dealing with the Criminal, Family Law and Juvenile Court systems. Throughout my years of experience working with families, I have encountered all ages, genders, and a variety of cultures dealing with substance abuse, domestic violence, and abuse and neglect issues. Please note, I am only English-speaking. 

You are doing a great thing by considering counseling! Nothing frightens or embarrasses me and I offer a safe, judgment-free environment. Together we can create the change you seek. To set up an appointment please call, 951-778-0230. 

References:

Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377.

Jans-Beken, L., Jacobs, N., Janssens, M., Peeters, S., Reijnders, J., Lechner, L., & Lataster, J. (2019). Gratitude and health: An updated review. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 15(6), 743–782. https://doi.org/10.1080/17439760.2019.1651888

Oppland, B. M. A. (2022, February 7). 13 Most Popular Gratitude Exercises & Activities. PositivePsychology.Com. https://positivepsychology.com/gratitude-exercises/

Team, T. G. (2017, November 2). What is Gratitude? Gratefulness.Org. https://gratefulness.org/resource/what-is-gratitude/

For The Love of Fido: Pets and Your Mental Health

Happy National Walk The Dog Day! Make sure to give the pups a little extra walkies time today. The benefits of owning a dog (or any pet) are well documented. Reduction in high blood pressure, increased immunity, manageable cholesterol levels, and a lowered risk of heart disease are just a few of the physical health benefits that Fido and Fluffy bring to your life.

The mental health bennies are even more profound. Studies suggest that owning a pet can reduce stress, decrease anxiety, help manage depression, and boost your mood. The day-to-day care of a pet can contribute to an increase in physical activity, long recognized as a healthy part of managing both physical and mental health. Doing so also gives you something to wake up and get out of bed for! 

Caring for a pet takes patience, diligence, mindfulness, and persistence. You’ll need to do research to determine how to set up the proper environment, the most nutritious food, and how to support your pet’s health. Doing the work of caring for another can give a sense of purpose and meaning to your life. Hanging out with your pet is a powerful remedy for loneliness, and their unconditional love and appreciation can be warm comfort to an aching heart.

It is said that people who struggle with depression have problems letting go of the past, and those who suffer from anxiety fear the future. Pets are a study in mindfulness, or the practice of remaining in the present. Enjoying bonding time, play time, or hand taming of your pet encourages you to live in the moment, to allow yourself the joy of the day, and to connect with the little being who seeks your love and attention. The practice of mindfulness is a frequent treatment intervention for such mental health struggles as PTSD, generalized anxiety disorder, and major depressive disorder. Plus, playing with your pet is just plain fun! Walking your dog can encourage you to get out in nature and soak up some sunshine, which significantly reduces depressive symptoms. Waving a play wand for your cat gets you moving about, great for easing pain and reducing anxiety. Feeding and maintaining your pet’s physical appearance is satisfying and rewarding, as you can immediately see the benefits of your work in their happy demeanor and shiny coat/fins/scales/feathers.

Let’s not leave out the kids! Owning, working with, or engaging in therapy with animals has been shown to help children with emotional development and regulation. A study conducted with children living with autism showed that having a class pet helped them develop important social skills; increased their ability to relate to their classmates; decreased instances of emotional overwhelm and behavioral outbursts; and significantly reduced their stress levels. Teens who own and care for pets typically struggle less with social anxiety, isolation, and low self-esteem. Grieving children with pets seem to process their grief more readily than children without pets.

Whether they have fur, fins, scales, or wings, having a pet can help you manage your mental health. If you cannot own a pet, consider other ways to get into contact with animals: dog walking/pet sitting, volunteering at an animal shelter or rescue organization, or helping a friend or family member care for their own pet. Do some research to find the best pet for your energy level, interest, and lifestyle. You can learn more about ways of managing your mental health in session with me or any of the wonderful therapists at Central Counseling Services. Call to book an appointment today!

~Alexia

10 Ways Pet Support Mental Health. (2018, June 1). Retrieved from the Newport Academy website: https://www.newportacademy.com/resources/well-being/pets-and-mental-health/ 

“Life knocks us down sometimes, and when that happens, we can all use a hand getting back up.

It’s my honor and privilege to be a helping hand when you are in need. 

I provide gentle guidance, an empathetic ear, and a safe, non-judgmental space to work through issues that make life difficult. I specialize in treating anxiety, depression, and struggles with trauma, especially as related to substance use/abuse (yours or a loved one’s), military service, and family troubles. In therapy, we will explore safe, effective coping mechanisms to help you manage life; examine and refine your self-care; and process those issues that cause you difficulty. Remember that you are the expert of your own life, so we will work together to find solutions that fit you best."

Alexia is also EMDR Trained.

Guarding Against Mental Health in Adulthood Can Begin in Childhood

Parenting . . . the struggle is real.

The best parents want to fulfill the needs of their children. Do they realize that means the psychological needs to be seen, feel safe, secure and soothed when it’s needed? Possibly. Some parents appear more natural than others.

As a parent, you want to do what’s best. It would be easiest if we could treat all of our children the same, however they are each unique individuals. Treating each of them the same will not do. Any parent that has tried this approach knows this does not work well and may have ended up in a big parenting struggle.

According to the American Psychological Association there are several different parenting styles:

• Authoritative – nurturing, responsive, and supportive, yet sets firm limits for their children. They attempt to control children’s behavior by explaining rules, discussing, and reasoning. Don’t worry – it doesn’t mean they always accept the child’s viewpoint, but the parent does listen.

• Permissive - parents are warm but lax. They fail to set firm limits, to monitor children’s activities closely or to require appropriately mature behavior of the children.

• Uninvolved – parents are unresponsive, unavailable and rejecting. This is a close cousin to Authoritarian.

• Authoritarian – is an extremely strict parenting style that places high expectations on children’s with little responsiveness. The focus tends to be on obedience, discipline, control rather than nurturing the child (www.webmd.com definition)

The authoritarian and uninvolved parenting results in children with low self-esteem and little self-confidence and seek other, often times inappropriate, role models to substitute for this neglectful parent.

Permissive parents tend to have children that are impulsive, rebellious, aimless, domineering, aggressive and low in self-reliance, self-control and achievement.

Ideally, we would have children that are friendly, energetic, cheerful, self-reliant, self-controlled, curious, cooperative and achievement-oriented that have strong emotional intelligence. This child of the authoritative parent. 

Great! Now that we’ve defined an effective parenting style how do we achieve this if we have not experienced this ideal parenting style in our own lives?

How are you consistent in method yet unique to each child? It’s a tough question.

The Nurtured Heart Approach (NHA) can achieve this parenting need.

The Nurtured Heart Approach was created for those helping the difficult or intense child. According to the creator, Howard Glasser, it’s about seeing what’s right in the child in front of you and using emotionally nutritious words to recognize them. The Nurtured Heart Approach consists of a set of strategies that assists children in further developing their self-regulation and has been found effective with children of all ages.  It focuses on transforming the way children perceive themselves, their caregivers and the world around them.  Children learn to understand that they will receive endless amounts of praise, energy, recognition and reward through the positive behavior they display and this supports children to build a positive portfolio of themselves, which we call “Inner Wealth™.”  

The basic tenets of this type of parenting are to:

• refuse to energize negativity

• relentlessly energize the positive

• clearly but un-energetically enforce limits

For more information on the Nurtured Heart Approach please visit www.ChildrensSuccessFoundation.com

An educator, Yael Walfish, wrote a book, Menucha for Menucha. (Menucha means peace.) It’s a book that shows a smart, creative young lady getting frustrated and how her parents explain the limits, recognize her efforts and strengths to control herself in her frustrating moments. In time, these intense moments lessen. She has success in resetting and eventually eliminating this behavior.

Through the Nurtured Heart Approach we can train our mind to see the good in everything and bring about a transformation where all children are flourishing.

What if we were to treat our children with respect and love, and also appreciate each child with their own unique strengths and abilities? 

Potentially, this would ward off many of the mental health challenges of adulthood. Using these techniques is a step in the right direction to helping our children to become adults that feel seen, safe, soothed and secure (neuropsychiatrist Dr. Dan Siegel’s 4 S’s), and then these same adults will be able to go into the world and do the same for others.

Win - Win.

~Amanda

Resources:

The Whole Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind.

https://childsuccessfoundation.org/

https://menuchapublishers.com/products/menucha-for-menucha?_pos=1&_sid=7d6056761&_ss=r

I provide counseling to individuals (adults and children) and couples. I’ve treated a wide range of challenges, mental health matters, adjustments to life’s hurts, and trauma.

Common trauma symptoms: panic attacks, chronic pain, rage, substance abuse, numbing, depression, nightmares, anxiety, and/or hopelessness.

When my loved one struggled with mental illness I received training and experience with leading classes for National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) family programs and peer support groups. I am certified as an Anger Management Facilitator and SMART Recovery. Besides a Loma Linda University Master's degree, I have specialized training in Postpartum Support International’s Perinatal Mood Disorders Component of Care and Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CF CBT).

Appreciating & Celebrating Black History Month

Did you know February is Black History Month? 



Black History Month is an annual celebration of achievements by Black/African Americans and a time for recognizing their central role in U.S. history. Also known as African American History Month. Since 1976, every U.S. president has officially designated the month of February as Black History Month. Other countries around the world, including Canada and the United Kingdom, also devote a month to celebrating Black history. While it is an annual observance that originated in the United States, many people wonder why it is so important. I often used to think it was about celebrating just simply being a Black/African American, but I have discovered it is so much more than that. 

Black history is rich and vast; it does not solely belong to blacks but has universal significance. Many of our American traditions and culture has been based upon the societal influences of Black/African American people which includes music, science, sports, literature, yet also has been affected by a long history of social injustices and inequalities. Therefore, as February comes around and we celebrate Black history it should also serve as a time for our nation to reflect and be introspective about our successes, but yet recognize the work and the journey is far from over.

As we have learned, while there has been significant progression and numerous accolades and advances in the Black/African American story, many issues remain to be addressed and one significant concern facing this community is in the area of mental health. According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) 2018 National Survey on Drug Use and Health, entitled Black/African American Communities and Mental Health, shows that African Americans/Blacks represent approximately Thirteen percent (13.4 %) of the U.S. population, however only Sixteen percent (16%) of Black and African American people reported having a mental illness, and over twenty-two percent (22.4%) of those reported a serious mental illness over the past year. 

 

Overall, mental health conditions occur in Black/African American people in America at about the same or less frequency than in White Americans. However, the historical Black/African American experience in America has and continues to be characterized by trauma and violence more often than for their White counterparts and impacts emotional and mental health of both youth and adults. 

Historical adversity, which includes slavery, and race-based exclusion from health, educational, social, and economic resources, translates into socioeconomic disparities experienced by Black and African American people today. Socioeconomic status, in turn, is linked to mental health: people who are impoverished, homeless, incarcerated, or have substance use problems are at higher risk for poor mental health.

Additionally, despite progress made over the years, racism continues to have an impact on the mental health of Black/ African American people. Negative stereotypes and attitudes of rejection have decreased, but continue to occur with measurable, adverse consequences. Historical and contemporary instances of negative treatment have led to a mistrust of authorities, many of whom are not seen as having the best interests of Black and African Americans in mind.

Why should our society care about Black/African American mental health?

We need to recognize mental health is a societal issue not one solely based upon culture, skin color, socioeconomic status, or ethnicity. However, because of the issues stated earlier, the prevalence of mental health in Black/African American communities is likely to impact most of our families in a significant way. Therefore, this blog is intended to be a resource, serve as a form of education and well as to offer hope to people in our society. 

What are some of the barriers to Black/African Americans getting help with mental health?

Attitudes

• There are stereotypes, misconceptions, and a stigma in our community that being mentally ill is worse than having physical ailments. 

• Black and African Americans hold uninformed beliefs and lack psychological openness, and help-seeking, which in turn affects our coping behaviors. Many of which are simply rooted in not having an understanding of mental health, where it comes from, and cultural myths such as being labeled “crazy”.

• Often in Black and African American communities the Church is placed in such high regard for providing help to for familial problems, mental health challenges, and therefore people are less likely to be open to seeking mental health services.

• Black and African American men are particularly concerned about stigma and there are so many challenges against them, that on top of everything else they are not wanting to succumb to another negative label.

Access

• Resources to healthcare and related resources are often limited to Black/African American families, thus this community is less likely to be aware of what resources are available. 

• Disparities in access to care and treatment for Black and African American people have also persisted over time.

• Black/African Americans often receive poorer quality of mental health care and lack access to culturally competent care

Knowledge and Education

• There is a need to acknowledge, inform, and provide solutions to the myriad of issues surrounding Black/African American mental health.

• Assumptions are made that mental illness equals crazy which equals hospitalization and medication as a requirement for treatment. Alternative methods are not often known. 

Treatment 

• Black and African American people with mental health conditions, specifically those involving psychosis, are more likely to be in jail or prison than people of other races. 

• Blacks and African Americans believe that mild depression or anxiety would be considered “crazy” in their social circles. Furthermore, many believe that discussions about mental illness would not be appropriate even among family. 

What are the ways Blacks/African Americans can tackle mental illness?

Compared to white adults, African Americans are only half as likely to use mental health services, and roughly 15 percent lack health insurance.

The implications of untreated mental illness can be significant. Mental illness is the leading cause of disability, and can cause severe emotional, behavioral and physical health problems. If you or someone you know suffers from mental illness, getting early treatment can significantly improve your health and combat the trend of undertreatment in our community. Here are four things we can do to make mental health a priority.

There are several important ways to address these challenges:

•  Do away with the mental health stigmas. Many African Americans believe mild depression or anxiety is considered “crazy” in their social circles, which creates a reluctance to talk about mental illness, even among family. Only 30% of African Americans believe mental illness is a legitimate health issue, and 60% mistakenly see depression as a personal weakness. These misconceptions are dangerous. Just like diabetes or high blood pressure, mental illness is a real health problem that can be diagnosed and treated. Left unchecked, mental illness can have serious consequences.

• Find a provider that can be trusted. This can be difficult for African Americans looking for cultural solidarity. Less than 2% of American Psychological Association members are African American, which leads to a perceived cultural gap in treatment, but there are providers who are trained and available to help. A simple interview can help clients decide whether a provider is culturally sensitive and right for them. Keep shopping just as a client would in finding the right doctor. There are many amazing therapists available to this community. Please check out our website at CCS.net for several providers who are culturally sensitive and experienced in working with Black/African American clients.

• Know the difference between physical and emotional symptoms. Many African Americans would rather be considered sick than crazy, and as a result, they are more inclined to talk about physical symptoms like headaches or digestive problems without addressing underlying causes like sadness or anxiety. Mental health begins with self-awareness and is contingent on the ability to talk candidly with a provider. Take stock in how you feel and make an appointment to discuss any red flags that are present notice. Treating minor problems today will help avoid more serious problems down the road.

•  Break the silence. Mental illness affects one in five adults, yet we still have a hard time talking about it. This irony is especially relevant for African Americans, who are 20% more likely to experience mental illness. Sadly, many are just as inclined to disregard mental illness as they are to treat it. Talking openly about mental health issues is a critical first step in normalizing problems, and this begins at home, in church and around the neighborhood. Shedding mental health stigmas is a community effort, and it needs to happen one conversation at a time.

Let us strive to live in a world where treating mental illness is just as important as treating heart disease, Covid or cancer. We need to work together to encourage a better understanding of mental health in the Black/African American community, and in the process, to embrace a culture of understanding and support for those who suffer. By identifying warning signs and seeking treatment, millions can improve their quality of life, and you can be one of them.

Effective mental health care for African Americans requires understanding, empathy, and confidence in what it specifically means to live as an African American in America, and in celebrating Black/African American history this month. As a Black/African American Counselor I have hope for our future and look forward to the day that more of our community obtain help with mental health issues and in the coming years there will be a changing narrative on how all Americans view mental illness. 

~Tosha, Associate Professional Clinical Counselor #7607

Regardless of the circumstances you are facing, it is important to know that you are not alone and we recognize seeking help takes courage. By doing this, you are one step closer to facing and working through the issues and challenges you are dealing with and I am here to help you.

I believe we are created for relationship with others and even with ourselves.  It is my desire for clients to discover how past and current relationships influence their behavior, thoughts, and feelings in order to bring about long-term change and healing.  I greatly enjoy working with children, adolescents, adults, clients with depression, anxiety, trauma, and low self-esteem. Also, I have a special focus in Christian therapy, should a client desire to include faith as a part of their work.  For many years, I was in leadership with a ministry called Celebrate Recovery, and I am thankful for the opportunity to walk alongside people during their addictions and challenges in their lives without criticism, judgment, but solely through unconditional support and understanding. I welcome these clients.  Additionally, I am proudly a Level 1 trained counselor in the Gottman Couples Method, use the Yerkovich’s How We Love couples therapy model while guiding couples at all stages in managing conflict and building a stronger friendship with one another.  Finally, I am a Southern California native who attended Concordia University Irvine where I received my Masters in Counseling.

Raising Your Grandchildren: The Good, The Hard & The In-between

No one ever expects to raise their grandchildren. When we’re young parents we envision becoming grandparents who have play dates with their grandchildren, pick them up on Friday’s at school, spoil them a bit too much… hopes much like those run through our minds. Yet, many Americans, and cultures all over the world, have grandparents raising their grandchildren. This can be a very challenging time & it’s important to grab onto the resources and help around you.

Let’s talk about the good, the hard, and the in-between of what it really means to raise your grandchildren.

Kinship care, or raising family members that aren’t your own children, can be rewarding as you watch them grow, first hand, help  them overcome their fears, and get a first row seat to watching your grandchildren become the people they were created to be- all in a safe, loving environment. The leisurely role of grandparent may slip away as you take on the day-to-day parenting responsibilities, so it’s important to stop and reflect. Taking a moment out of your day, or week, to be “grandma” or “grandpa”. Go get ice cream, don’t wash the dishes and play the game with the kids instead, laugh at the silly tv show, and enjoy the moment. The burden of responsibilities will always be looming, so try to find balance with it and catch a few “grandparent” moments as well.

It’s also important to to acknowledge the hard feelings, you know, the “I should have’s”, “why didn’t I’s”, and “Did I do enough’s?”. Stress is valid, your emotions are valid, and allowing yourself to feel is important. Acknowledge how you’re feeling, possibly pick up journaling, meditating, or listening to music and asking yourself, “How do I feel today?”. Give yourself the grace to feel and acknowledge those feelings. 

There are many resources available to those providing kinship care, from counseling, to support groups, and individual care. Asking for help doesn’t make you weak, it makes you real. And getting the support you need, means you can give your grandchildren the support they need. A healthy you = a healthy them. So don’t feel selfish for taking time for yourself. It’s easy to get caught up in the “to-do” list and let go of your own hobbies and friends. But I encourage you to hold on to those things as much as you can. Maybe you don’t get to go to every Wednesday morning breakfast with the crew, but you can do bi-weekly. Make the things you enjoy fit into your new schedule.

And while we’re talking about “new”- embrace it.

New schedules, new habits, new routines, new is okay. New is also scary and difficult, and exhausting at times. But soon, the new will become routine, and on those hard days, remind yourself that you are indeed stronger than you think you are. Hard days come, in every stage of life, and those are the days I like to allow myself a little indulgence; maybe I sleep in for 10 more minutes, or take a little bit of a longer shower & allow the steam to relax me, or pick the kids up from school and grab ice cream. 

Sometimes it’s easier to focus on what’s right in front of you, instead of the whole mountain ahead. What’s the next step? Okay, one foot in front of the other, I can take a few steps and not get overwhelmed. But when I look up the mountain, oh man! That’s another story. If you feel that way today, I encourage you to join me in focusing on the next step, and refocus your attention to what is in front of you right now.

What do you see?

What do you smell?

What texture do you feel?

For me, planning is key. I like to plan out my week so I have structure for me and those around me. If the parents are involved in your grandchildren’s lives, it’s important to map out visits with them and try to maintain a positive relationship with them.

Creating a routine of visits will help when planning out your schedule as well. Adding in exercise to your schedule will help keep you healthy and relieve stress as well; maybe it’s a walk with your neighbor or spouse, or alone- that one thing you get to do alone each day. 

My hope in sharing these tips with you is to remind you that you’re doing a great job (even when it doesn’t feel like it) and remind you that you are not alone. Life does a great job of throwing us curveballs, doesn’t it?


Below are some helpful links and resources available for grandparents raising grandchildren, or anyone parenting a second time. We’re also available to meet with you and walk with you through this season. Please feel free to reach out, we offer telehealth as well if you feel more comfortable with staying home. Call us today to schedule a time to talk: 951-778-0230

~Danisha McCrary, AMFT

Helpful Articles & Resources:

• https://www.helpguide.org/articles/parenting-family/grandparents-raising-grandchildren.htm

• https://www.aamft.org/Consumer_Updates/grandparents.aspx#:~:text=Find%20a%20Support%20System.,sources%20of%20support%20and%20assistance.

• https://acl.gov/programs/support-caregivers/supporting-grandparents-raising-grandchildren-0

• https://www.moneygeek.com/financial-planning/support-for-grandfamilies/

I found my passion for working with children, teens and families when I was a Social Worker for Child Protective Services. These families were struggling with issues of substance abuse, homelessness, mental disorders and traumatic events. As a counselor, I desire to assist families to overcome the obstacles that prevent healing, help manage stressful life events and find new healthy directions in life.

I am fond of saying, “we all can use a little bit of help from time to time; even me.”

Evolving and Having Hope for the New Year

The COVID-19 pandemic has disrupted everyone’s sense of stability, structure, and sense of control, yet again. This long-drawn-out time of uncertainty, combined with the social distancing that keeps us away from family, friends, and normal activities, has taken a significant toll on us physically, emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically. However, there is hope for the New Year, and this blog can help you nurture it. 

Hope is always important in our lives, but now it is more critical than ever. Hope can help you fight off depression and anxiety. Hope can motivate you to achieve your goals. Hope can help you be more resilient when we face challenging times. Hope can help you focus on the reality that you need to keep yourself safe by taking the health precautions recommended by the CDC and state and local governments.

Below are some helpful steps to take to reflect on 2021 and have hope in 2022:

1st Step - Self-Reflect and Review Our Experiences From 2021:

• Pause and Acknowledge – Speak in truth and acknowledge what our experience was like this past year.  Recognize that there have been challenges, difficulties, sadness, and many things that we had no control over. It’s ok. To reflect on these things, and we also need to choose to move forward, as well.

• Identify the Gifts and Positive Experiences – Acknowledge that there also were some things that we experienced that may have been positive, lessons learned, opportunities given, and personal growth. So it’s important to take some ownership for these things as well instead of focusing only on the negatives.

2nd Step  - Determine What We Want for 2022:

• Be Intentional – Incorporate what we want to focus on for the New Year. We can evolve and develop a new sense of self and be realistic about what we can change, yet not expect to change everything. Be careful about referring to Resolutions and instead be willing to have Evolutions in the New Year.  Select 1-2 things that were lessons that can apply towards wisdom and growth in this New Year.

• Expect and Hope for Good things to come – Love unconditionally, learn self-acceptance, improve self-worth and self-esteem, reduce stress, anxiety and depression, offer grace to yourself, and recognize life offers us choices and we can decide how we want to live it.

3rd Step – Evolving In The New Year Questions (Answer the following questions and share them with someone you really trust):

• Three Lessons I learned in 2021?

• The gifts of 2021 that I am carrying over into 2022?

• My thoughts about evolving instead of resolving?

• A few things I hope to grow through in 2022?

• My hope for 2022?

Make these a part of your goals for the New Year and celebrate that you made it through last year which was not easy. Believe in yourself and know that you are stronger than you may realize and have much to offer and accomplish in the New Year. 

It often takes more courage to have hope than not because you're being asked to look into the unknown and still believe all things are possible. Sometimes it is only hope that feeds our spirits and launches us to find the strength and power to carry on.

If we are hopeful, can bad things still happen in life? Yes, but we must remember good things happen too and sitting around feeling hopeless doesn't help anybody.  Feeling hopeful can help you develop a more open mind, which can help you access more possibilities, making it more likely you will find a resolution to your problems or a new way to live with whatever you face in the New Year.

As Martin Luther King, Jr. once said, "Everything that is done in the world is done by hope.”   So, let’s try to be more hopeful in 2022 because hope is the beginning of all that's possible to make the world a better place for everyone. 

Wishing all of you a Happy, Hopeful and Healthy New Year!!!!

~Tosha

I believe we are created for relationship with others and even with ourselves. It is my desire for clients to discover how past and current relationships influence their behavior, thoughts, and feelings in order to bring about long-term change and healing. I greatly enjoy working with children, adolescents, adults, clients with depression, anxiety, trauma, and low self-esteem.

Creating My Best Self in 2022

2022?! How is it already 2022?

It feels like we’ve all been through the ringer since COVID started almost 2 years ago. We’d all like to have a fresh start and not have the heaviness of it all on our shoulders. It seems like a new year would offer that to us. But…. Just like with New Year's Resolutions, a marker like the start of a new year doesn’t offer us anything more than the necessity of buying a new calendar. If anything, it puts  more pressure on us to “make this year the best ever!” I’ve done this more times than I can count and unfortunately, it’s hardly ever worked.

Have you ever made a resolution or new years goals that you followed for a month… or week… and then, just sort of gave up on? You’re not alone.

I’m not here to make you feel defeated already. I’d just like to give us a different perspective on “new year's resolutions”.  

My challenge to you is not to wait for a New Year’s Day or any other arbitrary day to begin making a positive change in your life. 

Changes are more likely to become part of your routine when you are motivated and are consistent. Strike while the iron’s hot and set yourself up for success as  soon as you have made the decision to do so. Even if you have a setback or two, picking yourself up and dusting off will allow you to reset and make any day a new beginning. 

It just so happens to be the first week of January, but don’t let that be the reason for change.

Becoming the best version of yourself is always a reason to strive for positive changes in your life. 

I challenge you to join me as we work on ourselves this year. Find a new healthy hobby, join that after work sports team, Saturday book club, schedule a coffee with friends, or visit family you haven’t seen in a while. Your health is important, make space for healthy habits. And when I say health, I’m talking whole person health: body, mind, emotions. So feed your soul, feed your mind, and feed your body. 

Researchers say it takes around 21 days to create a habit. Think about that for a second- any habitual thing you do in the next three weeks will become a habit. So, in these next 21 days what healthy habits are you creating? Maybe you’re setting a bed-time reminder to get the rest your body needs, maybe you’re adding veggies and whole foods to your diet, or journaling your thoughts and feelings. 

Can we all just agree that we should create a habit of positive self thoughts? Let’s partner together for the next 3 weeks to stop criticizing ourselves, redirect our negative thoughts, and give ourselves some much needed GRACE. You give it freely to others, don’t you deserve to give yourself a bit of grace as well? I’m guilty of it too. But making a conscious effort to think positively about yourself for 21 days will help create that health habit of self-love. 

Now, once we’ve mindfully practiced some healthy habits for 21 days, it should be our goal to keep them going throughout the year. 21 days isn’t a magical number that will keep you healthy all year round. Like anything, healthy habits take work. We must keep them in the forefront of our minds throughout the year and continue to practice the healthy habits we create this January. 

One way to do that is to write them down. Write out your goals, desires, and even baby steps to get there. And please, please celebrate the small victories along the way. Baby steps deserve recognition. 

Below is a template to help you write down your healthy habits. I encourage you to print this out, make it your lock screen on your phone, or put it somewhere you will see it each morning. I like to have mine taped on my bathroom mirror, so I am reminded of my healthy habits and goals each morning when I brush my teeth.  

I encourage you to print this out and fill it in with healthy, attainable goals/habits you’d like to focus on. Remember to think about your whole person (body, mind, soul) and create habits that feed you in all areas of your life. If you can’t think of healthy habits, below is a list that can help you; get creative, and personalize your list to fit your lifestyle. 

Sometimes we need someone to talk to or help us in creating healthy habits, overcoming trauma or past experiences. We’d love to walk alongside you. Feel free to contact us to make an appointment, 951-778-0230. 

You can also do so online here: https://www.centralcounselingservices.net/contact-us

Cheers to 2022, creating healthy habits and not waiting for “tomorrow” when we can work on becoming our best selves today! 

-Eric

I want to be present with others while they take amazingly courageous steps towards self-awareness. I enjoy being a therapist as I can witness others take possession of their lives and create change through action. I am hopeful that I may be able to help unlock the power of healing within each client so that they would relieve themselves of the need to have therapy. I hold myself to a high standard such that client care is my utmost priority. I work towards maintaining professional and ethical values to reduce any conflicts and best support the client.

Managing Anxiety During the Holiday

For some, the holidays bring good will and happy times spent with family.  There is the joy of decorating and reconnecting with loved ones away from the usual structure of work or school life.  For others, holidays are the culmination of everyday stress with the addition of planning holiday dinners and parties, managing holiday spending, and spending time with family, which can sometimes come with complicated relationships or even recent or not so recent losses.  It is no wonder that many struggle with anxiety during the holiday season.  

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Do you find that anxiety or even seasonal depression starts to rear its ugly head sometime in late October to mid-November?

If you do, you are not alone! 

Between late November and the New Year, we enter the season, which includes Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Winter Solstice, and New Year’s Eve to name a few.

Anxiety is one of the most frequently diagnosed mental health concerns for people throughout the world.

If you already struggle with anxiety, the holidays can often add to your everyday triggers for anxiety, leaving you feeling overwhelmed and depleted. The holiday season often brings memories of special people who are no longer with us or past traumas.  It is for this reason; we will want to take extra special care of ourselves during this time of year.

Anxiety can be felt in our body in many ways.  Some people experience headaches, dizziness stomachaches, nausea, increased heart rate (pounding in the chest), pressure/pain in the chest, crying spells, shutting down, zoning out, feeling more lethargic, and difficulty concentrating to name a few.  When you notice your body feeling like things are spinning out of control, it is important to remember that your nervous system is responding to those anxiety triggers in three possible ways: fight, flight, and freeze.

If the holidays are leaving you feeling panicked, worried, stressed, and physically uncomfortable in your body, you may be experiencing an activation of your nervous system called hyperarousal or fight/flight. Below is a list of things you can do to help you when you feel this way:

• Name it-identify what is making you feel anxious

• Bake or cook 

• Dim the lights

• Take a screen break for 60 minutes or more

• Take slow, deep breaths for counts of four, in through the nose for four seconds, pause for four seconds, and loud exhales for four seconds. Take a normal resting breath in between the long breaths. Do that for a cycle of four.  If you need more, do another cycle of four

• Listen to calm, mellow music

• Try some gentle yoga, (all available via google search, if needed), such as child’s pose, forward fold, or legs at the wall. Pair your breath work with the yoga for best results

• Play with a fidget toy or stress ball

• Use a weighted blanket

• Splash cold water on your face or take a cold shower

• Talk to a safe person

• Enjoy cooling scents such as lavender or vanilla

• Close your eyes and be still

• Pray or meditate

If you find you are in shutdown mode, which is “freeze” in terms of your nervous system, you might feel like you are zoned out, lethargic, or having some seasonal depression the following coping strategies may help:

• Name it-Identify you are in shutdown or freeze mode

• Use citrus, peppermint, or a scent you have an emotional connection to

• Take a walk, dance, or find a way to increase your heart rate

• Turn the lights on

• Eat some food

• Listen to some powerful or uplifting music

• Identify sensations in your body

• Press your feet into the ground

• Tap into a passion

• Gargle

• Dance, shake your body, jump

• Tap your chest, legs, arms, and face

• Use your senses with grounding (Breathe into your chest, your arms, your hands, your legs, your feet)

• Reach out to a loved one

If you notice that your anxiety and possibly, depression are not responding to the coping skills listed above, please take the time to share with a trusted therapist or your physician for additional help, exploration of additional coping skills, and if needed, medical support. 

Wishing you wellness from Central Counseling as we move into this holiday season!

~ Colleen Duggin, LCSW

I enjoy partnering with you as begin taking steps toward healing and feeling better. I understand that making the choice to see a therapist may be difficult for you and my goal is to provide a safe and comforting environment for you to work through problems in your life.