Divorced parents during COVID-19. Kids are okay, but what about the parents?

This time is unprecedented, as so many of us have read. There are so many of us that have had to completely change their lives around because of the shelter in place order. Whether it is working from home, being laid off and going on unemployment, working part-time from fulltime, etc. 
How about parenting? Teaching the kids full time while juggling work? All while trying to deal with the stress of wearing masks when going outside, explaining to the kids how wearing those masks are a protecting agent, but against what? This can all be so, well, daunting. We’ve read so much about this already we could probably recite a lot of it with our eyes closed. And, that’s a good thing!

Another topic we’ve read about is making sure the kiddos are safe, secure, and know that no matter what both parents, regardless of marital status love and care for them. When there is a child custody issue, often visits have to change or stop completely because of the shelter in place order. Of course, the parent who does not have the kids can do several things in order to make sure to keep in touch. Such as schedule visits for another time, schedule zoom meetings, facetime meets, send cards, and letters, and have nightly phone calls or texts. These can all make the kids still feel connected to their parent who is not with them.

But, what about the parent who is not with their child? How can that parent cope with not seeing their child each and every day? If this is you, you may hear things like, “at least you’re getting a break!” and to that, you may want to scream. Or, you might hear, “don’t worry, you’ll see them soon!” What does that even mean in a time like this? You may be feeling lonely, frustrated at the other parent for getting “all of the time” with your kiddo, or just plain helpless. You’re missing out and there doesn’t seem to be an end!

So, what can you do to ease this anguish? Breathe. That’s right; breathe. Talk with the other parent, if it’s acceptable to do so, and let them know how you feel and that you feel their pain, too. It’s probably just as hard on them having the kids all of the time as it is on you not having them at all. See if you can set up a social distancing visit a few times a week. If you are accustomed to texting, perhaps set up weekly face time meetings in addition to texting so you can see and hear each other’s voices and faces. Become pen pals and write to each other either via email or snail mail. Everything helps with the connection.