Building Resilience in Challenging Times by Rose Cabral, AMFT

If you've lived long enough, you know that life can be tough—sometimes overwhelmingly so. It is rare to find someone who hasn't thought, "I’ve felt so low that I didn’t want to go on." Let’s be honest; most of us have been there at some point. The important question is, where do you turn for help when you're at your most vulnerable? Who do you have in your corner? These are crucial considerations that should be part of a safety plan. Yes, a safety plan. You might be thinking, "I doubt I'll ever feel that bad. Why would I need a safety plan?"

When it comes to our physical health, we understand the importance of preventive care. We go for annual checkups and are advised to have an advance directive, a living will, and a durable power of attorney for health decisions. We do this to be prepared for a crisis. So, why not apply the same foresight to our mental health? Imagine getting a call that changes everything—a loved one is in a serious accident, you lose your job, or a family member passes away. You’re reeling from the news and feeling disoriented (Kanel, 2018). Would your loved ones know how to support you in such a moment? A safety plan outlines what matters most to you in a crisis.

Suicide National Statistics

Suicide is the 12th leading cause of death for all ages in the United States (Garnett, Curtin, & Stone, 2022). According to the CDC National Center for Health Statistics, the overall suicide rate for both males and females was surprisingly lower (a 5% decrease) in 2020 over the rate in 2018 and 2019 (Garnett, Curtin, & Stone, 2022).  However, in an age-adjusted report for 2021 by race and ethnicity, non-Hispanic, American Indian or Alaska Native persons indicate the highest change from 2018 to 2021 with a 26% increase (Stone, Mack, Qualters, 2021). Also significant, is the age-adjusted increase among non-Hispanic Black or African American (Black) persons with a 19.2% increase and Hispanic persons with a 6.8% increase (Stone, Mack, Qualters, 2021). White persons were the only group to show a decline of 3.9% (Stone, Mack, Qualters, 2021). 

Why a Safety Plan is Important

When a person experiences a sense of extreme agony of heart and mind, a plan of resources can make a significant difference (Michall, 2021)—one key element to include is how you push back on hopeless negative thoughts in your daily life. A safety plan includes identifying your signs of hopelessness that can lead to suicidal ideation including your triggers.  Also, important is information on how you distract yourself from hopelessness and suicidal thoughts. Additionally, who or what do you turn to for support e.g. a close friend, relative, pet or spiritual source? Who would you want contacted such as  friend, therapist, a spiritual leader, or general practitioner?  What items are in your home that could endanger you (medication, guns, knives, etc.) that a loved one should remove? Where are they located? (Michall, 2021). All of these items are thought about when you create a safety plan. Safety plans are created when you are not upset or under distress and not thinking well. Click here to create your own safety plan.

Work Towards Healing

Those who have experienced loss (death, health, job, relationship, etc.) feel the world has stopped and life is passing them by. Being in this state of mind will make you feel alienated, lost, and misunderstood. You feel you are traveling utterly alone. Who or what can touch you in a real way at that time? The answer is important in a time of crisis. Studies have shown that for good mental health humans need a sense of care, belonging, and empathy (Rokach, 2024). Therefore, establishing your “safe base” is your cushion at times of loss. The quality of relationships matters. Rubin is the first psychologist to explore which components are critical for a sense of sincere love: intimacy, attachment need, and caring (Rokach, 2024). Berscheid and Hatfield differentiated between compassionate and passionate love. Compassionate love includes friendly affection that leads to a sense of caring, trust, honesty, and respect whereas passionate love emulates the fire often betrayed in media of  that physical arousal and sexual attraction (Rokach, 2024). In one study (Feher, 1988) people were asked to describe love.  On the list were honesty, trust, caring, dependency, sexual passion, and physical attraction.  However, the same people state that companionate love is primary whereas passionate love is secondary (Rokach, 2024).  Therefore, as much as you are tempted to pull inwards at a time of crisis understand eventually you need to pull towards a trusting person(s) to help you process the loss. Staying close to your safe base (social support system) is a cushion where you find growth and eventual acceptance of your loss (Sarper & Rodrigues, 2024).

Where You Can Turn For Help

As part of your safety plan, why not post a list of crisis numbers for easy access for you, a loved one, a friend, or a neighbor? In honor of September being Suicide Prevention month,  I suggest the following list:

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988 to speak with a crisis counselor at any time.

• National Helpline: Call 1-800-622-4357 for free, confidential treatment and referral and information services. 

• LACDMH’s Help Line: Call 1-800-854-7771 for mental health support, resources, and referrals. 

• FindTreatment.gov: visit the website to locate treatment facilities or providers. 

• FindSupport.gov: visit the website to learn how to get support for mental health, and drug and alcohol issues. 

• Central Counseling Services: (951) 778-0230, located at Riverside and Murrieta, California. Telehealth services are available.

References

Garnett MF, Curtin SC, Stone DM. Suicide mortality in the United States, 2000–2020. NCHS      Data Brief, no 433. Hyattsville, MD: National Center for Health Statistics. 2022. DOI: https://dx.doi.org/10.15620/ cdc:114217.

Kinel, K. (2018). A Guide to Crisis Intervention, 6th edition. Cengage.

Michall, M. (2021). How can we work together to keep you safe? A simple and effective intervention that can save lives. The British Journal of General Practice, Bringing Research to Clinical Practice, 71(710), https://doi.org/10.3399/bjgp21X716909

Rokach, A. (2024). The Meanings of Love: An Introduction. The Journal Psychology, 158(1), 1-4. https://doi.org/10.1080/00223980.2024.2307284

Sarper, E., & Rodriques, D. L. The Role of Perceived Social Support in the Grief Experiences of More Anxious and Self-Compassionate People, 2024. OMEGA-Journal of Death & Dying, 0(0), 1-18. https://doi.org/10.1177/00302228241229484

Stone DM, Mack KA, Qualters J. Notes from the Field: Recent Changes in Suicide Rates, by Race and Ethnicity and Age Group - United States, 2021. MMWR Morb Mortal Wkly Rep. 2023 Feb 10;72(6):160-162. doi: 10.15585/mmwr.mm7206a4. PMID: 36757870; PMCID: PMC9925140.

Pride Month and Mental Health: A Reflection by Chase Uribe, ASW

Understanding the History and Significance of Pride Month

To understand the purpose and significance of Pride Month, it’s necessary to recognize the history of discrimination, hate, and violence endured by LGBTQ+ individuals. This history has been a catalyst for the existence of Pride Month today. Historically, LGBTQ+ people have been denied basic human rights, legal protections, and access to healthcare. They have faced oppression on multiple levels—micro, mezzo, and macro. LGBTQ+ individuals have been denied service in bars and restaurants, forbidden from disclosing their sexual orientation, denied the right to marry whom they love, committed to mental health institutions solely for being LGBTQ+, and even murdered for their identity, to name a few examples.

Despite this, LGBTQ+ people have consistently demonstrated boldness and courage in their response to discrimination and hate by organizing and protesting. In the early 1900s, figures like Henry Gerber, a German immigrant and World War I Army enlistee, organized the Society for Human Rights, an early LGBTQ+ organization. Later, the Mattachine Society and the Daughters of Bilitis were founded to combat oppression and proclaim pride in being LGBTQ+. These organizations, among others, were catalysts for events like the Stonewall Riots.

The Stonewall Riots: A Catalyst for Change

In the 1960s, it was common for police to raid bars and restaurants where LGBTQ+ people gathered, especially in New York City. These raids often resulted in fines and jail time for LGBTQ+ individuals. However, on June 28, 1969, when the New York Police Department raided The Stonewall Inn, a popular LGBTQ+ bar in Manhattan, the community fought back. This act of defiance led to six days of protests, capturing the attention of news outlets and the hearts and minds of people globally. The Stonewall Riots became a catalyst for change through organizing and protesting, a symbol of pride for LGBTQ+ people, and led to the first Pride Parade.

On the anniversary of the Stonewall Riots, the first Pride Parade, known as the Gay Pride Parade or Christopher Street Liberation Day, took place in New York City with between 3,000 – 5,000 attendees. Activist Craig Schoomaker was quoted saying, "People did not have power then; even now, we only have some. But anyone can have pride in themselves and that would make them happier as people and produce the movement likely to produce change." The New York Times reported, "Thousands of young men and women... from all over the Northeast marched from Greenwich Village to Sheep Meadow in Central Park yesterday proclaiming the new strength and pride for gay people."

 Reflecting on Pride Month

To me, Pride Month is an opportunity to reflect on the history of the LGBTQ+ community, acknowledging both the injustices endured and the accomplishments achieved. It’s a chance to honor past leaders who paved the way for progress and to celebrate current leaders who continue to create change. Pride Month fosters a sense of belonging and community, ensuring that LGBTQ+ individuals know they matter, have purpose and meaning, and have voices that need to be uplifted.

As a Clinical Therapist, Pride Month is a crucial time for me to support LGBTQ+ individuals in their journey to grow, heal, and recover from minority stress. It’s an opportunity to help people explore and learn more about their identities and to affirm and validate their experiences. 

 Supporting LGBTQ+ Individuals as a Therapist

Pride Month serves as a reminder of the importance of mental health support for LGBTQ+ individuals. The minority stress theory suggests that LGBTQ+ individuals experience chronic stress due to their stigmatized social status. This stress can lead to mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, and substance abuse. As a therapist, it's essential to recognize these unique challenges and provide tailored support to help LGBTQ+ individuals navigate them.

Creating Safe Spaces

Creating a safe and affirming environment is crucial for LGBTQ+ individuals seeking therapy. This involves using inclusive language, respecting pronouns, and being aware of the specific issues faced by the LGBTQ+ community. It's also important to educate oneself continuously about LGBTQ+ issues and stay updated on the latest research and best practices in LGBTQ+ mental health care.

Advocacy and Allyship

Therapists can also play a crucial role in advocacy and allyship. This involves challenging discriminatory practices and policies, advocating for LGBTQ+ rights, and supporting initiatives that promote LGBTQ+ well-being. By being active allies, therapists can help create a more inclusive and equitable society for LGBTQ+ individuals.

Conclusion

Pride Month is more than a celebration; it’s a call to action. It’s a reminder of the struggles and achievements of the LGBTQ+ community and an opportunity to renew our commitment to creating a more inclusive and accepting world. As a therapist, my role is to support LGBTQ+ individuals in their journey, helping them to heal, grow, and thrive. By providing a safe and affirming space, offering validation and affirmation, and advocating for their rights, we can make a significant impact on their mental health and overall well-being.

FAQs

1. What is the significance of Pride Month?

Pride Month is significant because it commemorates the history of the LGBTQ+ community, recognizing both the injustices endured and the accomplishments achieved. It fosters a sense of belonging and community, ensuring that LGBTQ+ individuals know they matter and have voices that need to be uplifted.

2. How did the Stonewall Riots impact the LGBTQ+ movement?

The Stonewall Riots were a catalyst for change, symbolizing defiance against oppression and discrimination. They led to increased visibility and organizing within the LGBTQ+ community, culminating in the first Pride Parade and ongoing advocacy for LGBTQ+ rights.

3. How can therapists support LGBTQ+ Individuals

Therapists can support LGBTQ+ individuals by creating safe and affirming environments, using inclusive language, respecting pronouns, and being aware of specific issues faced by the LGBTQ+ community. Affirmation, validation, and continuous education on LGBTQ+ issues are also crucial.

4. What is minority stress theory?

Minority stress theory suggests that LGBTQ+ individuals experience chronic stress due to their stigmatized social status. This stress can lead to mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, and substance abuse. Recognizing and addressing these unique challenges is essential in providing effective mental health support.

5. Why is advocacy important for therapists working with LGBTQ+ individuals?

Advocacy is important because it involves challenging discriminatory practices and policies, advocating for LGBTQ+ rights, and supporting initiatives that promote LGBTQ+ well-being. Active allyship helps create a more inclusive and equitable society for LGBTQ+ individuals.

Adapting as a Father: Embracing Change Through Play & Growth

When I recall moments of enjoyable memories as a father, I remember activities like playing with Tinker Toys and Legos, reading bedtime stories, playing organized sports, wrestling, and being beaten with a sock by my youngest child. I've always enjoyed roughhousing with my kids, so in a way, being physically humbled was inevitable. But let me back up.

Early Fatherhood: Fun and Injury Prevention

When my three kids were very small, fun times like wrestling and indoor football involved lots of injury prevention. They would launch themselves at me, and I would catch them in all sorts of ways before they could crash into something painful. With only one child as a toddler, this was hardly a challenge. In later years, taking on a kindergartener and a toddler simultaneously was still manageable. However, things reached a notable turning point one day during an especially intense session. I lay on the floor with a 10-year-old and an 8-year-old on my back, and a 5-year-old whipping me about the head with one of my own socks that she had stuffed inside the other sock. As the noise of uncontrollable laughter and yelling calmed down, I began to realize I might need a new plan.

The Need to Adapt to Change as a Father

There are many moments in life when we recognize that something has changed and new approaches might be needed. For parents, this includes classic transitional phases of our children, such as the shift from child to teen or from teenager at home to young adult moving out. For many fathers, these shifts tend to stir up paternalistic or masculine responses such as protection from a distance and ‘tough love.’ However, if we don’t adapt along with the older people our kids are developing into, doubling down on tough love can cause us to lose some of the connection we had with them in their more innocent younger days.

A developing child needs much more than protection from harm or to display ‘grit.’ We also need to feel connected to people we care about, to feel we belong. We need to develop higher-level social skills, emotional awareness, psychological flexibility, and the ability to resolve conflicts on our own. While free play is a good starting point, these higher-level skills and capacities obviously require more than play to develop fully. Depending on developmental progress, a person needs some degree of safety, trust, belonging, appreciation from others, and enough freedom to explore, experience life, and make their own mistakes. From the perspective of a father adapting to growing children, this looks like less padding on sharp corners and more talking through complex emotional challenges.

What Change Can Look Like

After recapturing my socks, I eventually began to consider the shifts happening at that time (note that years later, I still continue to ponder this in new ways—I’m making it sound like I was very thoughtful and intentional back then, but that certainly wasn’t always the case). The most obvious change was that these three kids were becoming more than I could protect or control at any given time.

As I reconciled with losing control and the common parent lament of “my babies growing up,” I could have turned away from the games and play or become even more physical in our play as a last bid to keep control. Instead, I followed the natural shift of our interactions away from simple physical play and towards emotional and intellectual development. We talked about friend drama and joys, exciting or challenging things developing at school. We worked through big feelings at home in sibling and family relationships. I explored using music intentionally to support or shift moods in the home. For example, upbeat songs playing softly in the morning when there was a short time to get ready for the day, and expansive moody music when there was more time to work through big preteen feelings.

In hindsight, the sock incident was a turning point in this long journey. It marked the beginning of a long process with plenty of trial, error, and growth.

Recognizing Our Own Need to Change

It seems like there is endless research and opinion on the experiences of new or first-time parents. But what about making changes later in our kids’ lives, when we have forged our own comfortable grooves to adapt to the massive needs of parenting in the first place. Adapting as a parent to preteens and young adults can be complex and difficult, just like adapting to the birth of a child. How can a father support the changing needs of their maturing child(ren)? 

Some ways that most growing children and young adults would benefit from changes in support from their fathers:

• Becoming more comfortable in ourselves with increasingly independent kids. Parents typically witness dramatic changes in their kids. From total dependence at birth, to the extreme opposite end of the spectrum.

• Moving from direct control and shaping their daily life toward a general guiding, supporting and informing role.

• Setting boundaries that gradually incorporate more of the child’s input and preferences.

• Making more room for big feelings, and taking time to learn how our kids are handling the big feelings of their peers. 

• Understanding our own values on more mature topics and thoughtfully incorporating them into parenting. This can include timeless subjects like how to discuss death, sex, divorce, race and culture with kids at different ages. But increasingly this also includes new challenges like screen time, social media, and massive culture shifts in school following the pandemic - things most current fathers didn’t have to navigate with their own parents.

A theme in all of the above is being open to the new experiences of thought, identity and values that kids will inevitably influence us with as they grow. This can require a strong sense of who WE are as parents in order to take in the challenges and influences they represent to us without either becoming unsettled ourselves or pushing back too hard or trying to control the lives of others too much. Working through these issues of parenthood is one of the many complex processes that therapists can work with their clients on. But outside of therapy, we have chances every day to adapt to changing needs.

I wish that all of our milestone moments and challenges to adapt could be as playful and hilarious as a five-year-old whipping you with a sock. For changes both small and monumental, there are many ways to use resources and relationships to support our family. From written and recorded materials, to trusted friends and family, to coaches, therapists, teachers, doctors and other professionals, we can all use a little self-examination sometimes.

Written by: Mark Naftzger, AMFT.

How Do You Love? Learn About the Five Love languages

Love can be universally found where people are. People who have found their

other half are asked “How did you know he or she is the one?” and most people reply,

“You just know.” This begs the question: is love measurable in research? According to

past research in psychology, love has been measured within relationships and there are

different theories surrounding the subject. One theory within love and relationships is

called Chapman’s Five Love languages. This theory describes and measures love that

can be applied to relationships. Both theories can be interpreted within couples therapy

and provide insight into how partners individually view love. These theories can help

with assessment of couples and their present concerns (compassion fatigue, intimacy,

communication etc.) within couples therapy.

Chapman’s five love languages

In 2009, Dr. Gary Chapman defines five ways of expressing love which are

known as the five love languages. The five love languages consist of receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service and physical touch. Dr. Chapman suggests that people have a primary and secondary love language. He also advises

that couples must communicate with each other how they would like to express and receive love towards each other in order to avoid conflict. Chapman explains that all love languages are equally important, but people have different preferences.

1.) Words of Affirmation

Words of affirmation is a love language described as shown by verbally communicating appreciation by a partner. It can also be shown by a person complimenting their partner in front of others or praising their partner. Chapman explains that a person complimenting their partner will make their partner feel loved because they are expressing their admiration verbally in front of others.

2.) Quality Time

Quality time is a love language in which the person gives their partner their undivided attention. Chapman explains that quality time can be having a quality of conversation. Quality conversation consists of shared experiences, feelings, thoughts, and desires without interruption. This love language differs from words of affirmation because there is a focus on what the person is hearing from their partner instead of what they are saying to their partner.

3.) Gift Giving

Gift giving is a love language in which a person invests in their relationship by swapping gifts. This love language specifically is seen across cultures as an expression of love and thoughtfulness. For instance, among Hispanic culture it is a custom to buy gifts to bring home to loved ones when traveling. Chapman clarified that gifts do not necessarily have to cost money but feel like a symbol of love.

4.) ACTS OF SERVICE

Acts of service is a love language described as doing things for your partner that you would like you to do for them. An example of acts of service can be household chores or making dinner when your partner needs a break. From a cultural perspective, acts of service can be interpreted in a different way. Chapman advises that acts of service should be done with positive thought and planning.

5.) Physical Touch

Lastly, physical touch is a love language which involves touching, hugging, kissing, handholding, or sexual activity. The five love languages can be easily applied to therapy sessions with couples to learn if they have different love languages and if they are aware of their partner’s love language. Learning about love languages can help therapists with insight on their client’s relationships and help with communication and intimacy.

How can this benefit my relationship?

Since humans grew up within different environments and have different perspectives on how to love, it makes sense to form different theories regarding love and relationships. These love theories can be used within couples therapy and changing the dynamics of romantic relationships. Learning about love languages can help couples who are struggling with intimacy and change how they give and receive love to each other. Whether it is Valentine’s day, an anniversary or a Tuesday, acting upon your partner's love language can improve your  relationship.

Written by: Alexa Gonzalez

Meaning and Psychotherapy

How ‘Meaning’ Impacts Relationships

In the 80s, there was a TV sitcom called ‘Webster’ based on a married couple who adopted a young boy (Webster) after the boy’s parents died in an accident. Webster called his adoptive parents George and Ma’am. In one episode, the adoptive mother, Katherine, asks Webster why he refers to them this way.

The Meaning Response

Years later, it’s amazing to me that I recall anything specific from the show, but this scene is still with me because of the dramatic emotional turn it represented. We could see Katherine’s confusion and dismay about Webster seemingly opening up to George but continuing to call her by a very formal name.

As I remember it, Webster solemnly replies that he calls Katherine ma’am because it sounds like “mom.” With this one simple statement, Katherine’s perspective changes drastically - she sees her relationship with Webster, and herself, in a completely different way. And we know it has hit her hard because of her facial expression.

This is an illustration of a psychological concept called the ‘meaning response.’

The basic idea of the meaning response is that our interpretation of things can affect our response and what follows. There are so many examples of how the meaning response impacts our lives. In fact, this idea describes a fundamental human experience.

We can have very different responses to situations based partly on how we interpret someone else’s actions. A reasonable response to a partner’s behavior might be “she’s angry at me” or “she has a prickly personality” or “she is having a bad day” and so on. Our inner responses to these different interpretations can steer our relationships and inner thoughts in very specific directions, both helpful and unhelpful. When considering the above thoughts, our reactions might be “I’m angry at her too!” or “I need to avoid her” or “she’s hangry, it will be more pleasant after lunch.”

Perhaps the most well-known form of the meaning response is the ‘placebo effect.’ This describes the way a person’s health responds to their expectations. In other words, things that can affect our physical health include our expectation or belief that a thing can make life better or worse, as measured by medical science.

Meaning Impacts the Health of Relationships and Individuals

The meaning response is an important factor in the areas of mental health, especially in emotional connection with others or when there is family conflict. People come to psychotherapy to improve their lives in a wide variety of ways. Some of these are very clear and well-defined, and others are less tangible. One of the many ways a therapist can help is by shining a light on ‘meaning’ in the life of the individual, couple, or family. The process of therapy can help uncover beliefs and expectations that maintain conflict patterns between partners or family members.

In the psychotherapy world, ‘trauma’ is usually understood in terms of a person’s response to an event or events, and it is understood that two people who witness or experience the same event can and do have very different ‘trauma’ following the event. One reason for the difference may be the meaning response - personal meaning can change the outcomes drastically.

It should be noted that while the meaning response influences overall individual and relationship health, it is only one of many factors. If we are not careful, talking about belief and expectation as a factor in whole person health can sound like blame, as in “it is my fault because I don’t believe I can get over this.” It can lead to ‘magical thinking’ that relies on belief, setting intentions or ‘manifesting,’ prayer, and other mental processes alone. And it can overshadow very influential factors like low socioeconomic status, marginalization, discrimination, lack of support from family and friends, and many other problems.

Why Meaning Matters in Family Conflict

A Black orphan boy calling a white woman something close to “mom” brings up serious questions about “white savior” media narratives that can also be important to address in talk therapy and elsewhere. But that is a topic for another post. In this 22-minute episode of Webster, it’s easy to sit back and watch a very tidy story unfold: Katherine asks… Webster replies… Katherine’s face softens, the audience sighs… and fade to black. In real life, we don’t have professional writers feeding us lines to resolve fights or misunderstandings. In real life, it’s rarely this simple to watch the meaning response impact an individual or a relationship so decisively. In real life, maybe Katherine would feel rejected by Webster and argue with George instead of asking the boy directly. Maybe Webster would say “I don’t know” or change the subject or act out by bullying a classmate or hiding in his room.

It is in real-life situations like these that a therapist can help a client sort through communication breakdowns and difficult behaviors. Working with a therapist can help by focusing our attention on the meanings that bring us closer to those we want to connect with. This work can help us identify our values and set healthy boundaries to bring ourselves closer to them.

Webster’s comment to “Ma’am” was a moment of change. She suddenly understood Webster’s perspective very differently. From Katherine’s perspective, everything before that moment was colored by questions about her connection with the boy. Afterwards, we can imagine that she became more accepting, tolerant, patient with Webster, and perhaps even that she began to see him more completely as a whole person. Because of the meaning response and the change of attitude we can see in Katherine and individuals who benefit from such change in therapy, challenging relationships and individual health can be transformed.

Reference: Locher C, Meier S, Gaab J. Psychotherapy: A World of Meanings. Front Psychol. 2019 Mar 22;10:460. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00460. PMID: 30984050; PMCID: PMC6448000. (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6448000/

Taming the Overthinking Beast: Tips for Calming Your Mind and Easing Depression

Adapting to overthinking is pivotal for those dealing with anxiety and depression—two

common challenges in mental health nowadays. Overthinking can feel like a beast that will not

stop, chipping away at inner peace (Joubert et al., 2022). It leads to a cycle of negativity, making

feelings worse and disrupting calm. Here, we will explore basic ways to calm an overactive

mind, offering help and easing the weight of anxiety and depression.

Understanding the Nature of Overthinking

Overthinking is prevalent in our present-day, fast-paced society driven by information. It

includes the mind’s consistent examination and dwelling on past occasions, current situations,

and potential futures. This persistent thought cycle significantly influences a person’s welfare,

causing heightened stress, anxiety, and, in some cases, even depression. What precisely is

overthinking? It can be described as a steady mental chatter, where the mind becomes focused on

a particular theme or issue, regularly magnifying its noteworthiness and making unnecessary

worry. This incessant consideration can feel like a hamster wheel, turning endlessly and

preventing us from finding peace and clarity (Joubert et al., 2022).

There are various causes of overthinking, including past trauma, fear of disappointment,

perfectionism, and a general need for self-confidence. Also, factors such as outside stressors,

social pressure, and an unhealthy way of life can contribute to the development of overthinking

habits. Recognizing the nature of overthinking is the first step in breaking free from its grasp. It

is essential to understand that overthinking could be a more productive and accommodating

handle. Instead, it victimizes us of our mental energy, focus, and present-moment awareness. By

recognizing this, we can create strategies to avoid overthinking and recover control over our minds.

Practical Steps to Mitigate Overthinking and Ease Your Mind

Overthinking often appears like an unbounded cycle, trapping us in a tedious pattern of

pessimistic contemplations and feelings. However, there are significant measures to reduce

overthinking and develop peace in our minds.

One important strategy is to practice mindfulness.

This involves focusing on the

present moment and observing our thoughts without judgment. By becoming mindful of our

overthinking designs, we are ready to separate ourselves from them and regain control of our

minds. Incorporating meditation and profound breathing exercises into our daily routine can

promote calmness and reduce overthinking. Another practical step is challenging our negative

thoughts (Ciaunica et al., 2022). Regularly, overthinking is fueled by irrational and distorted

thinking patterns. By questioning the validity of these thoughts and reframing them in a more

reasonable and positive light, we can debilitate their control and decrease our overthinking tendencies.

Setting clear boundaries and practicing self-care are also crucial in managing overthinking. We must prioritize our prosperity and make time for exercises that bring us joy and relaxation.

Taking breaks from technology, engaging in hobbies, and spending time in nature can/ all contribute to a calmer mind. Furthermore, seeking support from an advisor or counselor can be immensely useful in

addressing the root causes of overthinking and developing personalized strategies to prevent it. I

can assist you in investigating past injuries, addressing self-esteem issues, and creating adapting

instruments for managing external stressors. Remember that managing overthinking may be a

journey, and it takes time and practice to make a calm mind. By executing these viable steps and

looking for the support you need, you will regain control over your thoughts, upgrade your

physical and mental well-being, and pave the way for a more satisfying life.

Addressing the Relationship between Overthinking and Depression

Recognizing how overthinking intertwines with depression is pivotal for devising

effective coping strategies. Overthinking tends to intensify depression symptoms, establishing a

destructive loop of pessimistic thoughts and emotions. Continuous dwelling on past occurrences

or fretting about the future amplifies sensations of sorrow, despair, and inadequacy. Moreover,

overthinking impedes involvement in activities fostering positive mental and physical well-

being, thus exacerbating or initiating depressive tendencies. To address the relationship between

overthinking and depression, it is essential to implement strategies that target both issues

simultaneously. This includes practicing mindfulness and challenging negative thoughts, as

discussed in the previous section (Boutin et al., 2022). By actively monitoring and reframing our

thoughts, we can prevent overthinking from fueling our depression. Also, engaging in regular

workouts, keeping a healthy diet, and getting enough rest are significant for managing depression

and promoting general well-being. Seeking proficient help is also crucial in tending to the

complex relationship between overthinking and sadness, which can assist in recognizing the

primary causes of both conditions, creating personalized adapting mechanisms, and providing

support throughout the journey. Remember, managing overthinking and misery is not a one-size-

fits-all approach. It requires self-compassion, patience, and a commitment to implementing and

keeping up with techniques that advance mental and physical health.

Tools and Techniques for Maintaining a Calm Mind

Overcoming the relentless grip of overthinking can often seem like an impossible battle.

However, invaluable strategies exist within this struggle to foster tranquility and tame this

consuming beast. Journaling emerges as a powerful ally; transcribing thoughts and emotions

onto paper grants clarity and unveils the intricate web of overthinking tendencies. Externalizing

ideas provides liberation, bestowing a fresh perspective and a profound sense of relief. Another

effective technique is practicing self-compassion. Remind yourself that it is typical to have

considerations and worries, but attempt not to judge or criticize yourself for them. Treat yourself

with kindness and understanding, and remember you are doing your best.

Engaging in relaxation works, such as deep breathing and progressive muscle

unwinding, can be useful (Joubert et al., 2022). These techniques can help activate your body’s

relaxation response and reduce anxiety and stress, making it easier to quiet the mind and find

calm. In addition, finding healthy distractions can help divert your attention away from

overthinking. Engaging in hobbies, exercise, or spending time with loved ones can provide a

much-needed break from constant rumination. Finally, looking for support from others can make

a significant difference in managing overthinking. Whether through treatment, support groups, or

trusted friends and family, having a support framework can provide support, direction, and a safe

space to share your thoughts and feelings (Boutin et al., 2022). By implementing these devices

and methods, you will develop a tool kit of strategies to avoid overthinking and maintain a calm

intellect. Everyone’s journey is unique, so try different approaches and find what works best for

you. With persistence and patience, you can find relief from overthinking and live a more

peaceful and fulfilling life.

I chose the path of a therapist due to my enduring fascination with human behavior and

the intricate workings of the mind. Beyond this, I derive deep fulfillment from guiding

individuals through emotional hurdles and mental health challenges. It is inspiring to support

others in comprehending their thoughts and emotions, fostering healthier coping mechanisms,

and enhancing their overall wellness.

References

Joubert, A. E., Moulds, M. L., Werner‐Seidler, A., Sharrock, M., Popovic, B., & Newby, J. M. (2022). Understanding the experience of rumination and worry: A descriptive qualitative survey study. British journal of clinical psychology,

61(4), 929–946. https://doi.org/10.1111/bjc.12367

Ciaunica, A., Seth, A., Limanowski, J., Hesp, C., & Friston, K. J. (2022). I overthink—Therefore I am not: An active inference account of altered sense of self and agency in depersonalization disorder. Consciousness and Cognition, 101, 103320.

https://doi.org/10.1016/j.concog.2022.103320

New Parents: Coping with Gender Disappointment

Having a baby is an exciting time for many couples, and knowing the gender of the baby can

add onto the joy. Having the accessibility to knowing and celebrating the sex of the baby prior to the baby’s birth is often celebrated through a gender reveal, parties, or one of those social

media posts that one may see. However, such festivities and activities may not necessarily be

as joyous. Results of such tests can lead to parents feeling sadness, disappointment, and even depression because [the results] are not what they expected.

According to Dr. Danielle Forshee, “gender disappointment describes the feelings of sadness and disappointment, typically followed by guilt and shame, a parent might experience when they find out that the sex of their baby is not what they were hoping for”. The general pattern for gender disappointment includes expectation, first, then disappointment, followed by guilt.

There can be many reasons as to why parents may experience gender disappointment, rather than the common misconception of preferring one sex over the other for superficial reasons. Some reasons may include cultural pressures, societal pressure, previous trauma, and even the feeling that the parent cannot connect with one sex as best over the other.

To cope with gender disappointment, there are a few steps that a parent can take. Shame and guilt are emotions that can especially weigh heavy on any individual, and so it is important to talk to someone that you can trust about these feelings. Confiding in a partner, family, close friend, and even a support group can assist in relieving such feelings of sadness, disappointment, shame, and guilt. Refraining from communication about gender disappointment can lead to the likelihood of the mother experiencing postpartum depression, as well. For active listening and a non-judgmental space, oftentimes individual talk therapy is best for processing gender disappointment, guilt, and shame.

Resources:

Appleton, N. (2022). How to handle gender disappointment. VeryWellFamily. 

https://www.verywellfamily.com/how-to-handle-gender-disappointment-5204417

Crider, C. (2020). Dealing with gender disappointment: It’s OK to feel sad. Healthline.

https://www.healthline.com/health/pregnancy/gender-disappointment

Supporting a Partner with Postpartum Depression: Four Ways Partners can Help

Many individuals assume that the time after having a baby is a joyous moment that brings the family together. However, it is also important to consider that as many as 1 in 7 new mother experience postpartum depression after birth, leading to their partners experiencing confusion with how best to support these new mothers.

It can be emotionally challenging for a partner of a new mother who is struggling with postpartum depression, as well. Postpartum depression is treatable, and there are many ways for partners to provide support. It is important to understand that a partner’s role is not to diagnose postpartum depression, but to hold space for [a new mother’s] expressed feelings. Below are some ways that partners can help:

1. Availability: Making yourself available for your partner, whether it be listening to their shared feelings or giving them some “me time” without the baby, it is important to allow your partner to know that you are accessible and available to help. This can be done best by communicating with them about when you are available or even taking charge of caring for the baby yourself

2. Helping Around the House: There is a pressure to maintain a clean home, and it is only amplified when a new baby is brought in. Take the time to help clean around your home and give your partner a chance to only focus on care for the baby,

3. Healthy Eating: Healthy eating can feel impossible to a new mother once the baby is brought home. It is helpful to ensure your partner is receiving all the necessary nutrients by cooking their meals, feeding it to them, or shopping for healthy groceries while your partner is tending to your child.

4. Affirmations: Taking the time to affirm to your partner that they are a great mom/dad and any other kind affirmations to support positive thinking can go such a long way.

Resources: Wisner, W. (2020). What to do when your partner has postpartum depression. VeryWellFamily.

https://www.verywellfamily.com/when-your-partner-has-postpartum-depression-4843643

Prenatal Depression: What Expectant Mothers Need to Know

While most people have heard of postpartum depression, not many are aware of its lesser-known counterpart: prenatal depression. Prenatal depression is a type of depression that expectant mothers may experience during pregnancy. In addition to feelings of sadness, women with prenatal depression may also struggle with anxiety, fatigue, irritability, and changes in their sleeping and eating habits.

It's important to bring attention to prenatal depression, as many expecting mothers may not even be aware that it exists. Although there isn't a single cause of prenatal depression, it's crucial to recognize the signs and symptoms so that expectant mothers can receive the necessary treatment.

The following are some common symptoms of prenatal depression, which may differ for each expectant mother:

• Feelings of sadness

• Feelings of hopelessness

• Loss of interest in enjoyable activities

• Guilt

• Changes in sleeping and eating habits

• Difficulty concentrating on tasks

• Anxious thoughts and excessive worry

• Anger

• Isolation

• Participation in unsafe prenatal activities, such as smoking, drinking, and drug use

• Thoughts of suicide

Untreated prenatal depression can negatively impact the healthy development of a baby. While several factors play a role in a baby's growth and well-being, experiencing any of the symptoms mentioned above can have unintended consequences. For instance, depression may cause a person to miss prenatal appointments or adopt unhealthy eating habits. Additionally, untreated prenatal depression raises the chances of developing postpartum depression.

The most effective way to address prenatal depression is to seek care. Talk therapy, medication, exercise, joining support groups, self-care, and communication are some common treatment options available for expectant mothers. Seeking help and addressing prenatal depression not only benefits the mother but also the healthy development of the baby.

Sources

Cleveland Clinic. (2022). Prenatal depression. Cleveland Clinic. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/22984-prenatal-depression

Wisner, W. (2022). What is prenatal or perinatal depression?. VeryWellFamily. https://www.verywellfamily.com/prenatal-depression-4846439

Becoming Aware of Alcohol and Substance Abuse

““Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover
the infinite power of our light””

— Brene Brown

Life is a journey composed of unique experiences that build our character and provide us with opportunities to create our own destiny. In the process, we experience highs and lows. By nature, we accept the highs more than the lows as the highs usually bring feelings of joy and satisfaction. Within our journey we learn to cope with the lows. Some people cope by reaching out to friends/family, journaling, receiving mental health services, meditating, reading self-help books among many other healthy ways of coping. However, not everyone has the ability to open up about past traumas (child abuse, exposure to violence, family history of substance abuse, loss of a loved one and tragic life experiences). In some cases, individuals suppress their feelings and pain, utilize anger for power and control, self-protection, isolate themselves and turn to substances as a way to numb their feelings and memories of trauma/loss. When we are unaware of our responses, we tend to continue unhealthy patterns that can lead to dependency and addiction. So what do we do? How do we become aware of an alcohol/substance abuse addiction and heal? This blog will help you recognize the signs of addiction and how to obtain the help that you need, so you can heal and live your life to your fullest potential. Everything is possible with knowledge, support, action and self-determination.

What is a substance-based addiction?

According to the American Psychological Association a substance-based addiction is defined as “Substance abuse is a pattern of compulsive substance use marked by recurrent significant social, occupational, legal, or interpersonal adverse consequences, such as repeated absences from work or school, arrests, and marital difficulties. Addiction is a state of psychological or physical dependence (or both) on the use of alcohol or other drugs. The term is often used as an equivalent term for substance dependence and sometimes applied to behavioral disorders, such as sexual, internet, and gambling addictions.”

According to the All Points North (APN) “The widespread prevalence of substance use disorders solidifies the need for quality treatment options and resources for people seeking recovery. Alcohol is by far the most commonly abused substance: 10.2% of all Americans struggle with an alcohol use disorder, far more than any other substance. In descending order, marijuana, prescription drugs, opioids, and stimulants are the next most common substance use disorders.”

Statistics:

According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse:

• 6.4% of Californians have alcohol use disorder

• 3.3% of Californians have substance use disorder involving illicit drugs

• 0.6% have an addiction to prescription pain medication

10 Signs of Addiction:

According to Recovery Centers for America:

1. Missing Class/Work due to drinking/being under the influence.

2. Isolating/Avoiding social situations, family/friends to consume alone. 

3. Episodes of Depression, Anger and/or Violence.

4. Taking Risks that can impact your life or the life of others.

5. Not knowing when to stop drinking or consuming illegal/controlled substances.

6. Driving under the influence.

7. Getting arrested due to behavior exhibited while intoxicated/under the influence.

8. Losing relationships.

9. Risky behaviors that can impact your life and the lives of others.

10. Financial hardships due the substance use.

Do any of the signs or behaviors of addiction reflect your current situation? If so, please reach out for help. The hardest step is admitting that you have a substance abuse addiction and that you need help, support, treatment and intervention. Admitting is not easy as you may encounter feelings of shame, isolation, loneliness, denial. Just know you are not alone. There are many people who experience addiction in their lives and also want to live a sober lifestyle. Taking the first step to recovery is the biggest gift you can give yourself. Can you imagine, living a sober life and taking charge of your journey in a healthy manner? Wow, how liberating must that be! Getting to know your inner self by healing the wounds that led you to numbing pain through addiction can drive you to new beginnings and self-discovery. What are you waiting for?

Treatment/Support: 

1. Individual, group, and family therapy 

2. Outpatient Substance Abuse Treatment 

3. Residential/Inpatient Treatment 

4. NA/AA Classes 

5. Obtaining a Sponsor 

6. SAMHSA Helpline 1-800-662-HELP (4257)

As a clinician at Central Counseling Services I am here to help. I have over 20 years of experience working with children, adults and families exposed to violence, victims of child abuse/neglect, substance abuse addiction, parenting challenges and trauma. 

My focus is to help you heal through the therapeutic process by supporting you in developing healthy coping skills, utilizing your strengths, building awareness, setting healthy boundaries and allowing the time and space to heal. My treatment approach is eclectic as I utilize various modalities of treatment emphasizing on cognitive behavioral therapy.  If you are interested in therapeutic services, please do not hesitate to give us a call:  (951) 778-0230.

How to Show Emotional Support When You Don't Know What to Say

Have you ever found yourself In a situation where you wanted to be a source of comfort to someone but didn’t know what to say?

Over the years, many of my clients have shared situations they encountered in which they didn’t know what to say.  They shared that they couldn’t think of the “right words” to say to someone going through a difficult time such as a loss (death of a loved one, divorce, unemployment, illness).  Without realizing it, they had placed pressure on themselves to come up with the “right words”.

But is that possible?  Are there “right words” for a parent who has lost a child? For someone who has received a cancer diagnosis? What about for someone who has experienced a traumatic event?

Think of a challenging time you went through.  Who, if anyone, helped you get through it?  Was it the words someone shared or was it the actions they demonstrated?

For some moments, words may not provide much comfort, but actions do.  Let us not underestimate the power of our presence.  To be present with someone who is feeling emotional pain can be a source of comfort.  For some, the inclination may be to leave that person alone because of the feelings it may bring up in them.  It may be feelings of doubt or uncertainty about how to help.  In addition, there may be pressure to know which “right words” to use.

In 2022, the American Psychological Association released a report which revealed that emotional support was correlated with higher rates of well-being and lower levels of stress.  That tells us emotional support can and does make a difference.

So, what would it look like to show emotional support when not knowing what to say?  The following are 4 suggestions:

1. Listen with empathy: Consider empathy as a superpower that allows you to place yourself in the shoes of another.  Try to view the situation from their perspective, not yours.  When we listen with empathy, it becomes easier to refrain from passing judgment.  For instance, if you are wanting to show support to a friend who recently lost their job, listening with empathy would have you consider what that experience must be like- the experience of having employment one day and not having it the next.  It would be to imagine what thoughts may be crossing their mind (potential difficulty with loss of income, the possible stress of a new job search).  When we listen with empathy, we achieve a better understanding of what others may be going through.

2. Avoid fixing the problem: This is quite common in so many who genuinely want to help.  The assumption is made that the problem can be easily fixed.  Let me return to the example of the friend who lost their job.  An impulsive response may be “I heard they’re hiring at Amazon. You should go apply there.” While some may appreciate learning about job vacancies, others may not feel seen and heard.  Perhaps the friend who lost their job is still processing what happened. A range of thoughts and emotions may be coming up for them.  Sorting those out may take some time.  When we’re quick to offer fixes, it can come across as dismissive of their emotional state. Although our intentions may be good when bringing up job opportunities, let us also remember that people benefit from processing situations first before developing a plan of action.

3. Be honest: During times we want to show emotional support but don’t know what to do or say, it’s helpful to acknowledge that.  For instance, it’s being able to say, “I want to support you, but I don’t know what to say or do.” By acknowledging this, you remove some pressure from yourself.  Through your openness and honesty, you demonstrate that you want to serve as a support although you don’t know what that may look like.  In many cases, the individual in need of the support may share more with you about what support may be wanted/needed if anything at all.  

4. Consider different types of support: When discussing emotional support, it’s important to consider all the different types.  There are some who may benefit from emotional support but that may not come in the form of talking/expressing themselves.  Helpful deeds can be a positive source of emotional support.  This may include assisting with transportation, helping to review their resume, accompanying them to medical appointments, or lending a hand with childcare.

Please know that not everyone who needs/wants emotional support is ready to talk.  It’s worth noting that even when emotional support is available, it does not replace therapy or medical treatment.  For anyone interested in therapeutic services, please feel free to contact our office.

Written by: Priscilla Rivera

Black History & Black Mental Health

Black History & Black Mental Health

By Tosha Owens

February is Black History Month. It is a time dedicated to honoring and celebrating the essential contributions of Black people in America. National and local events and online celebrations will

take place throughout the month to focus attention on Black people's achievements and history and it is truly a time for everyone to celebrate. Black history is important because Black history is American history. It is not a separate matter. So today, we dedicate an entire month to recognize the meaningful impact that Black people have made to enrich American culture, expand our national footprint, strengthen families, and make a better society for all. 

The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) website states, “According to the Health and Human Services Office of Minority Health, African Americans are 20 percent more likely to experience serious mental health problems than the general population.” They also go on to explain that while 40% of whites seek care for mental health issues, only 25% of African Americans reach out for help.

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While the Black community has had a history of tackling social, racial, and economic justice, and there has been much progress made. What remains to be seen is why is there such a significant strain in the community on Black Mental Health. Addressing this prevailing issue will have an immediate impact on the long-term effects on the health of the Black community.

“What remains to be seen is why is there such a significant strain in the community on Black Mental Health. ”

Shame and stigma of mental health

The shame from family often stems from a greater cultural stigma that impacts mental health in the Black community. Messages about going to therapy can be viewed as a sign of weakness and something to be ashamed of. A lot of Black people don't think of therapy as a realistic or viable option for help and mental health isn't seen as something to focus on, improve, or get professional help for, so people who really need the help are often made to feel “wrong” for seeking help outside of their family or the church. Frequently, individuals are told to pray more, and things will get better. Additionally, blacks hold beliefs related to psychological openness, and help-seeking, which in turn affects their coping behaviors. 

Answer: Family support is crucial and having a spiritual life is also important, but there is a sense of relief one gets when talking to someone who is unbiased and who can just listen without offering their advice. So, it’s important to begin to challenge the status quo. Get the help you deserve.

Access to Black and culturally sensitive therapists

Numerous people in the Black community state that they would prefer having a Black therapist. They want someone who understands the cultural nuances and recognizes the nonverbal cues that only a Black therapist can understand.

Answer: Black, Indigenous, and People of Color (BIPOC) therapists are growing in numbers. Also, there are more therapists being required to learn about and exhibit cultural sensitivity with their clients. Additionally, the message for Black people can be supported by these therapists to remind Black clients that therapy is about putting yourself first. So, someone who has been through trauma, has shame, struggles with depression or anxiety, and work issues should know that it is important and worth discussing these with someone who wants to help them. Also, Mental health therapy is one of the best self-care activities a person can do for themselves and BIPOC clinicians can help their clients with that.

High Costs of Mental Health

Mental health therapy can be costly. In some cases, private insurance companies will cover most of the cost of a visit, but a co-pay is still due at the time of service to the therapist. If a person doesn’t have insurance, they would have to pay out-of-pocket for sessions. Out-of-pocket sessions are not an option for many people, therefore the discussion of the affordability of therapy services continues to be an important topic.

Answer: There are numerous affordable options available to clients who are seeking help who may not have enough financial resources. These include Medicare, Sliding Scale Fees at Private Practice companies based upon the clients income, Non-Profit organizations, and Community Health Centers. Many clients were unaware of these sources and have come to believe mental health was unthinkable. Clients often experience some relief, personal growth, and begin to use the tools to manage their problems within a short period of beginning.

Supporting mental health in the Black community and decreasing the stigma about mental health services and making mental health more accessible is a wonderful place to start.

What can we do?

Additionally, creating resources, having healthier conversation about Black Mental Health and teaching, and encouraging Black people to learn it is appropriate to ask for help. Ideas include the following:

• Black people should consider sharing and being more open about mental health challenges to normalize them for others in the community.

• Follow Black therapists on social media who are talking about a variety of mental health challenges impacting the Black community and provide resources to support black mental health.

• Talk to trusted friends and family about their positive experiences in therapy.

• Understand that therapists are bound to confidentiality, which means the things that are discussed with their therapist will remain between the two of them, unless there are significant safety concerns.

• Remember that prioritizing one’s own needs and self-care is not considered being selfish, it is actually healthy. Talking to someone who is safe, exercising, healthy eating, positive behaviors and social activities are essential for managing stress, especially for individuals who are used to being told that their own emotional and health needs are not important.

The future of Black Mental Health is certainly more promising as we discuss the issues and have identified several solutions. Making Black Mental Health a priority through accessibility, changing the stigma, and awareness within the Black community of how mental health services can be life giving, is a step in the right direction. Now that, is worthy of a celebration during Black History Month!

Written by Tosha Owens, APCC

What is Flash Therapy?

What is Flash Therapy? (Hint: No lights are used)

You have decided that you have had your last sleepless night. You are tired of feeling anxious and are exhausted trying to keep uncomfortable thoughts and feelings at bay. You are going to make the call and schedule a therapy appointment. 

Maybe it was a recent car accident that is on your mind, or you are repeatedly waking in the middle of the night with feelings of panic and dread. For some it might be the death of a loved one, or intrusive uncomfortable memories that are cycling in your head.  Whatever the reason that brings you to therapy, most of us are looking for some symptom relief. 

Just as there are a multitude of reasons for seeking therapy, there are many therapeutic approaches that are successful in meeting your goals. One approach is Flash Therapy.  According to Dr Philip Manfield, creator of Flash therapy, Flash therapy enables you to process unresolved traumatic memories in your brain.  Flash Therapy is based on the premise of Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) that was developed by Dr. Francine Shapiro.

Dr Manfield’s therapy protocol however differs from EMDR in that during your therapy session you do not talk about the upsetting memories.  Yes, you read that correctly.  While you identify to yourself what is the issue, you do not share it with the therapist.

Here is a brief overview of how it works. Flash therapy involves identifying a memory that is upsetting to you. You then rank from 1-10 how distressing the memory is for you with a 10 being most distressing and 0 being no feelings of distress. This is your Subjective Units of Distress (SUD). Next, you identify a feeling sensation in your body that occurs when you think of the distressing event. Examples might include tightness in your chest or shoulders, a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach, maybe your hands start to clench, or your face feels flushed. This is called your somatic sensation. You are then asked to take that uncomfortable memory and stop thinking about it. Now comes the fun part! And, yes, therapy can have elements of fun! You and your therapist spend the next 15-20 minutes talking about something that is enjoyable. Maybe it’s a recent movie that you saw, or a song that you really like. It might be talking about your child’s latest accomplishment or an upcoming event that you are looking forward to attending.  Some people describe in detail a hobby that they like doing.  This is called the Positive Engagement Focus (PEF).  It is important that your PEF is not connected to your memory that you are “flashing” on. For example, if you are Flashing on a painful memory of your loved one’s death, the PEF would not center around memories of your loved one. While you are talking about your PEF you are following along with the therapist and are patting the tops of your legs in a rhythmic motion. Every so often you are asked to blink your eyes 4-5 times. This is the Flash therapy protocol. 

If you are still with me, I will explain what is happening inside of you and what this all means. There is a reaction taking place inside your brain as you tap your legs, blink your eyes, and talk about a happy or engaging event.  According to Dr Manfield, MRI studies have shown that when we are thinking of a distressing event our amygdala, an area located in the front of our brain, becomes activated. This is where our fight or flight response is located. When our amygdala is active, we are not able to access other parts of our brain that allow the processing of the traumatic event and the healing to take place. During Flash therapy, MRI scans have shown that the amygdala is not activated, allowing for the other parts of our brain to make sense of what we experienced, process it and allow for healing to take place. Simply put, an activated amygdala gets in the way of this healing. 

Flash Therapy is a protocol that has been studied and its results replicated. Therapists all over the world are using Flash Therapy with successful outcomes. Examples include Ukrainian refugees, soldiers with PTSD, and victims displaced by earthquakes and floods. 

Some frequently asked questions and comments about Flash Therapy.

Can Flash still work if I can’t identify a painful memory but I am still experiencing, for example, feelings of anxiety and dread? 

Yes, you can still benefit from Flash therapy. Your therapist has tools to work with this issue. The focus becomes the somatic feelings that you are feeling.

Will it take away my memories of the event?

No, you will still have your memories of the event, but they will no longer grab at you. The intensity of feeling has been resolved allowing for you to continue to discuss the issue in therapy without becoming overwhelmed by strong emotions.  For some, no further exploration or processing is needed. The issue has been resolved.

How many sessions are needed to start to feel better?

Flash therapy has been shown to work in as quickly as one session while other issues may require an additional session or two.

You have just distracted me with taking about something happy and the painful memories will return.

This is a common sentiment expressed after a Flash session. Your therapist will ask that during the week you check in with that identified painful memory and see if it still grabs at you. If it does, has the intensity changes at? Has your SUDS number gone up or down. If it has increased, this is an indication that there are early memories that are in need of processing.

Wow, I can’t believe that I am no longer bothered by this memory! I have a better understanding of what happened. It feels as if the pain associated with my memory is harder to grasp and think about. I no longer feel sick to my stomach when I think about it. I feel better!

This is what I call the jaw dropping reaction, followed up by a sense of relief that is felt in the body.

If you have any questions about Flash therapy, or I have piqued your interest, please reach out to Central Counseling Services for more information and start your journey of healing today.  I would love to help you!

 LEANN GALOUSTIAN, LCSW

“Bloom where you are planted” - The Bishop of Geneva

My theoretical foundation lies in strength-based therapy. I believe in the transformative power of listening and being present in a safe and nonjudgmental space. When you take that first step and reach out for help you have already started the healing process. Therapy is a place where you can unburden yourself. As a therapist, I believe things will get better even if it feels like right now, things will never change. I can help you see the progress made and the inner strength reflected in yourself. You will learn the skills to empower yourself to go forward and face what life may bring. I am trained and certified in Flash therapy. I specialize in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, Mindfulness, and Mood regulation which can help to address your therapeutic needs.

The Mother Wound: A Foundation of Pain

The Mother Wound: A Foundation of Pain

by Alexia Harris, AMFT

 Issues with our parents are often considered normal; the urge to assert our independence can sometimes clash with our parents’ duties to care for us. But what happens when our parents, specifically our moms, don’t show us that they care? In many societies, mothers are often tapped for the healthy emotional development of their children. When that emotional education and connection are lacking, we can develop a mother wound.

What Is a Mother Wound?
The mother wound is a term used to describe the emotional dysfunction resulting from the absence and/or neglect of the mother figure. When there is a disconnect in the mother-child relationship, the child does not receive the deep emotional affection and attention that helps the child learn how to conduct healthy relationships as they grow, as well as develop healthy self-esteem and a sense of worth. This disconnect can be caused by a variety of things, such as the mother’s mental health struggles, addictions, or hyper-focus on work or personal hobbies (it’s entirely possible to be a working mom and maintain your identity without inflicting the mother wound!). Even when the mother takes care of the
basic needs of the child (food, clothing, shelter, stability) and has positive interactions with them, there is still the possibility of inflicting a mother wound when the emotional needs of the child are not met.

How Do I Know I Have a Mother Wound?
You may be living with a mother wound if you:
-have low self-esteem
-deliberately stifle yourself (your personality, your potential, or your enthusiasm) to please or to avoid
annoying others
-struggle with maintaining healthy boundaries in your relationships
-feel that you are not capable or worthy of warm, loving relationships
-have problems with self-soothing
-resentment towards your children
-have perfectionistic tendencies

What Do I Do About My Mother Wound?
Healing a mother wound requires introspection, honesty, compassion (for yourself and your mom!), and a big glob of forgiveness. It is crucial to your own happiness, security, and good relationships. If you believe that the mother wound may be having an effect on your life, you can explore that and start on the path to healing in therapy with me or with any of the wonderful therapists at Central Counseling Services. Call and schedule an appointment today!

Visual Impairment and Its Effects on Mental Health

Check out our latest vlog HERE!

Nora talks through visual impairments and their effects on mental health. Learn tips and tricks for working through impairments and how to improve your mental health today!

I have a passion for singing with people and helping them find a sense of hope in their most vulnerable moments. I believe that everyone has a right to be heard and validated. I use a client-centered, collaborative approach allowing the person the opportunity to discover the barriers that keep them from living their best life. In addition, I serve as a guide for the client to reach their own personal goals.

I enjoy working with people of all ages, including children, teens, and adults. My therapeutic space is always compassionate and non-judgmental to allow a safe and comfortable place to navigate and explore what is needed.

I am a member of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (CAMFT).