Are You Feeling a Little Bit Depressed?

Are you usually a carefree and happy go, lucky person? Do you typically look to the glass being half full? Are you now with all this uncertainty feeling a bit depressed, nervous, or isolated? I want to assure you that you are not alone.

Human beings like structure, predictability, routine, and our brains work hard at creating habits out of mundane tasks. By grouping tasks together, our minds don’t have to remember it all. Often we do things mindlessly like drive to work, get ready for bed, manage money, or eating right are all examples of habits that we can put on automatic.

In our present world, our regular routines have changed or are suspended. Maybe you always stopped by the coffee shop to pick up your Café Americano or Caramel Macchiato, and now you are at home and no longer stopping by the coffee shop. Maybe you are not getting up at your “normal” work time, and perhaps you are staying up later because you do not have to get up as early. Many of us have been asked to work from home unless we are considered to be essential services. (a big shout out to those hard-working folks that are still doing their jobs; first responders, CPS workers, medical employees, faithful grocery workers, and others). By the way, we are also open but asking our clients to have telehealth appointments.

You might have noticed that you are not sleeping well at night or perhaps sleeping more, or your body may be craving more carbohydrates, and you are worried, restless, not sure of what to do with yourself. You may just feel down or blah. These are all normal reactions to what we are all experiencing in our world right now. The ambiguity and uncertainness can make us edgy and nervous. In the last few days, we have learned a new vocabulary, “social distancing”, “self-quarantine,” and “intervention Activities” heck we didn’t even know that CORVOD-19 was even a thing. Now that has all changed.

Our kids are home from school at first for two weeks now, some for two months or potentially longer. This whole pandemic is odd, and we have not experienced it before. If you are feeling a bit blue welcome to the “normal club,” depression and anxiety can be constant visitors for the next few weeks.

Let’s shift our focus and take a look at activities that can help reduce some of the depression or anxiety while keeping social distancing in place.

Go outside. The CDC and World Health Organization recommend going outside, just not in groups, and keep the 6’ space between you and others. The sun helps us by providing vitamin D and Serotonin, which is a chemical released by our brain. Serotonin is considered a natural mood stabilizer. Serotonin helps with many of our bodily functions, including bowel movements, bone health, sexual function, blood clotting, moods, and others. Specifically, Serotonin helps regulate our sleep, eating, and digestion. It also helps reduce depression and control anxiety. Ever wonder why when you are stressed you carve more carbohydrates? It’s to boost our serotonin levels. Going outside in the sunlight for 30 minutes daily can really help.

Open up the blinds or drapes. Allowing sunlight into your home will help with mood and may even kill bacteria. In a 2018 study, researchers at the University of Oregon found that in dark rooms, bacteria on average were alive 12% more than in a room filled with sunlight. Bacteria on average, in light-filled rooms, was only 6.8%. Less light can also mess with your Melatonin levels causing you to become sleep-deprived and grumpy.

Exercise we have long known that exercise is a natural treatment to fight depression. In an updated Harvard Health Letter from 2018, from the Harvard Medical School, Research shows that exercise is an effective treatment, and "for some people, it works as well as antidepressant medication.” It is most important to pick an exercise you like. Activities that you can still do includes running, biking, yoga, walking, swimming, resistance bands, and home workout videos. You can find plenty of ones on YouTube and since you have been watching those cat videos anyway, just add a 30-minute workout, then watch the cat videos.

Take a break from the news and social media. Give yourself some time off; endless news can increase depression and anxiety. We all need some downtime and continuously hearing the news can be detrimental to our mental health

Talk to loved ones and friends. This can be hard when we feel down, but it is crucial to keep in touch with our social supports. They may be struggling too. Just safely contact them over video chat or phone.

Listen to music; it’s a great time to find a new artist you like or create a new playlist. Music can be calming, reduce blood pressure, boost mood, and reduce anxiety.

Our brains are trying to make sense of this world, and you may feel ‘out of it” or in a fog. However, if your depression or anxiety grows during this time of social distancing, please reach out and get help. We are offering telehealth services, and research shows that they can be just as effective as in-person therapy. Please don’t suffer alone or needlessly.

 By Sheralyn (Sherry) Shockey-Pope, MA, LMFT

I began my career in this field because I wanted to help people find their passion and zest for life. My goal working with clients is to help them find their voice and get out of pain as quickly as possible.

I have worked with children in foster care and helped prepare their families for placement. My specialties include anxiety reduction, depression relief, adoption issues, grief and loss, divorce and trauma recovery. I also work with adults who want to find their passion and change their lives while working through the traumas of their pasts.

I am on the faculty of the Public Child Welfare Training Academy where I train local county social workers on Intimate Partner Violence, Mental Health, Family Engagement , Self Care for Social Workers and Eliminating Secondary Trauma. 

I also am available to speak to community groups or provide training on mental health issues, parenting and trauma I further enjoy my role as supervisor of trainees and interns as they are on their journey to become fully licensed therapists.

I am a Member of California Association of Family Therapist (CAMFT state level) and the current co-president of the Inland Empire Chapter of Marriage and Family Therapists 2014-2016. As well as the  chapterfacitator for the Inland CAMFT 3000 Club.

I don't believe that a person should be in counseling for years and years. I think you come in, work on the issues and leave. Later, if you need a tune up, then you come back and we work on healing those issues.

It is my privilege working with my clients as they walk their life's journey.

Celebrating Your Holidays Away From Home

No, I am not talking about celebrating when you are going on a short trip during the Holidays.  I’m reaching out to those of us who were obligated or forced to move out of your home environment- or even when those of us who made a personal choice to move out of our home country or state.

Choosing to move to Southern California 15 years ago still, stirs up a variety of emotions during the Holidays for me.  Even though it was very exciting to move from a cold, wet, dark country to sunny California, it was so strange and foreign (pun intended) to hear Christmas songs and seeing decorated trees in 80-degree weather.  My first Christmas in Southern California was celebrated with friends at an outside barbecue gathering, which was total opposite from an inside dinner with close relatives around a fire in the fireplace. It was such a big shift, even when it was my choice to relocate.  It is probably even more difficult when you must leave or have been forced to flee from your home country and leave (some of) your loved ones or friends behind.  There are undoubtedly some feelings of grief and loss feelings, or anger, or even anxiety when you see other people enjoying holiday traditions with their relatives.

Is it all negative? Absolutely not. There will be new traditions and celebrations with new colleagues at work.  But what if you are just stuck at home?  Adjusting to the new ‘home’ will go easier when you start reaching out to others.  Attend some local festivities or when invite to parties bring some of your own traditions to celebrate Holidays in a new way with friends.  New customs doesn’t mean that you have to change your values, you can incorporate them into new traditions.

The process of adjusting takes time. I am still adjusting to Holiday songs with the 80-degree weather but am also grateful to celebrate with new friends during our outside gatherings. HIf this hits home with you or touches on your holiday experiences, we are available to help. You can reach me or our other clinicians at Central Counseling Services. We are available six days a week at (951) 778-0230 if you need any assistance or guidance during this time of year. Happy Holidays!

Ilse Aerts, M.S., LMFT#96211

Multitasking is a LIE

It's a Lie we tell ourselves...

We have all heard that multitasking is the best way to be highly efficient and it's the way smart people get things done. We are always trying to find a way to get more tasks accomplished within our 24 hours and multitasking seems to be the answer right? Wrong. We all have been sold a bill of goods; really, we have.  The word multitasking was first used in 1960 to described a computer’s ability to perform many tasks seemly all at once; ultimately, multitasking literally means multiple tasks alternately sharing one resource in this case a CPU. Due to a computer’s fast ability to read code it “looks like” it is doing more than one task at a time. However, even the CPU cannot read two lines of code at a time. What the CPU is actually doing is alternately reading and executing the code by switching back and forth between the codes until the tasks are done.

 

Overtime, this lie of multitasking became synonymous with people doing multiple tasks. Now I hear what you are saying “Hey wait a minute humans can multitask; we can walk and talk, or chew gum and walk, or even drive and listen to music all at the same time.” Yes, you are right those small tasks can be done simultaneously. However, not with equal attention and more importantly our attention bounces between the two tasks. If the tasks have greater focus the harder they are to complete together. Think about driving and talking on the phone. This activity is responsible for over 6000 deaths annually and is the number one cause of death in teens even over alcohol use. http://bit.ly/1LOfHPH Additionally,  I see people that come into my office stressed and feeling over whelmed and I will ask about their sleep schedule, their commute time, family time, personal (alone) time and about their working time. They tell me that almost every moment of their day is planned out and yet they still want to do more. They want to be able to add other things to their schedule or they feel they just can’t juggle anything more. They feel depressed, sad, overwhelmed and stressed, with little life satisfaction. They can’t understand why, “if only I could get more organized they say it would all work out.”  I am here to give you the freedom of doing one thing and doing it well.  No more multitasking; now doesn’t that feel good? So why is multitasking so bad for us? According to a 2009 study at Stanford University, multitasks pay a big mental price. The study found that:

• Reduces the amount of information you can remember; decreased overall memory
• Unable to filter out irrelevant information; so tasks actually take longer
• Unable to focus on the goal at hand
• Always thinking about  other things but not able to complete the task
• Inability to concentrate for long periods of time  
• We become less efficient as we lose time by switching between tasks
• The stress hormone cortisol increase in the brain when we multitask
• We actually lose 10 functional IQ points

World expert on divided attention and Neuroscientist, Earl Miller, at MIT states it this way...

                “Our brains are not wired to multitask well.” When people think they’re multitasking, they’re actually just switching from one task to another very rapidly. And every time they do, there’s a cognitive cost in doing so.”

 If you suffer from the “shiny object syndrome” or if you're still not convinced to give up multitasking I challenge you to just try for a day. Work on one project until it’s completion. Put the phone on mute, turn off the email pings and solidly work on the task. See if it takes you less time, you have more focus, if your brain is less fatigued and you may even have more energy and a bigger sense of accomplishment.     

Take a swing.

“Never let the fear of striking out keep you from coming up to bat.”

Babe Ruth

April is baseball month to me; it’s the first month that I am able to catch a game at the local ball field. I know that spring training has happen and to many fans that is the start of baseball but to me it’s when the teams are ready to show off at their home field; opening day signals the start of baseball season and anticipation that comes each year. It’s the start of the possibility that is exciting for me. It’s looking down at the future and making the predictions based on the statistics; plus add in a little heart and determination. Some have even said that when teams are otherwise equal it’s their passion, heart and pure determination that will carry the team.  I believe this.

In my work with people, often times they come into my office feeling defeated, sad, depressed, anxiety ridden and they have lost their passion for life or they have become derailed in addiction or making wrong choices that they just get lost.  One of the first things I ask them is “What do you want your life to look like?” “How would your life look if everything was going well?” Sometimes people do not have an answer to these questions. Other times they have a good idea but they fear thinking ahead because they feel they have always been a failure and why bother. Or even worse “I can’t.” Sometimes we have to learn how to pick ourselves up and stop shaming our self. Self-shame can motivate a person into action but I see self-shame mostly being used to validate a person’s feeling of not being worthy. Therefore, I really see no great reason to continuing to using self-shame as our assessment tool. It has proven that it is more damaging to us then helpful.

Let’s instead focus on the action needed to get ourselves moving. I would suggest sitting down once a week and really ask yourself “How is my life going? “What am I doing that is working well.” Go ahead list all the strengths you can find. I will even give you one to start with; wright this down:

Strengths: You are reading this blog and you have thought that maybe I can move my life in a forward direction.

I would agree with your assessment you can move forward. Next I would sit down and write out a prefect day. Your perfect day. Yes, dream how would you like your life to be? Would you be in the job you’re in? The relationship you’re in?   If not, start to take steps to get closer to that goal each day, each week, and each year. Even if you only do one thing a week for a year that is still 52 steps towards your goal. Write it all down. If it doesn’t get on paper your brain can’t start to work on it in helping you push towards those goals. Yes, you deserve to be happy and enjoy your life. Start stringing together your perfect day one after another and before you know it your life will be mostly what you want each and every day. Will it take hard work, yup, but everything in life takes hard work, determination and passion. Put fear on the back burner. I know easier said than done. However, it can be done, yes it can. I see change happening each and every day; I do, I really do. So don’t wait any longer start on that 52 step journey and let me know how it is going along the way.