Black History & Black Mental Health

Black History & Black Mental Health

By Tosha Owens

February is Black History Month. It is a time dedicated to honoring and celebrating the essential contributions of Black people in America. National and local events and online celebrations will

take place throughout the month to focus attention on Black people's achievements and history and it is truly a time for everyone to celebrate. Black history is important because Black history is American history. It is not a separate matter. So today, we dedicate an entire month to recognize the meaningful impact that Black people have made to enrich American culture, expand our national footprint, strengthen families, and make a better society for all. 

The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) website states, “According to the Health and Human Services Office of Minority Health, African Americans are 20 percent more likely to experience serious mental health problems than the general population.” They also go on to explain that while 40% of whites seek care for mental health issues, only 25% of African Americans reach out for help.

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While the Black community has had a history of tackling social, racial, and economic justice, and there has been much progress made. What remains to be seen is why is there such a significant strain in the community on Black Mental Health. Addressing this prevailing issue will have an immediate impact on the long-term effects on the health of the Black community.

“What remains to be seen is why is there such a significant strain in the community on Black Mental Health. ”

Shame and stigma of mental health

The shame from family often stems from a greater cultural stigma that impacts mental health in the Black community. Messages about going to therapy can be viewed as a sign of weakness and something to be ashamed of. A lot of Black people don't think of therapy as a realistic or viable option for help and mental health isn't seen as something to focus on, improve, or get professional help for, so people who really need the help are often made to feel “wrong” for seeking help outside of their family or the church. Frequently, individuals are told to pray more, and things will get better. Additionally, blacks hold beliefs related to psychological openness, and help-seeking, which in turn affects their coping behaviors. 

Answer: Family support is crucial and having a spiritual life is also important, but there is a sense of relief one gets when talking to someone who is unbiased and who can just listen without offering their advice. So, it’s important to begin to challenge the status quo. Get the help you deserve.

Access to Black and culturally sensitive therapists

Numerous people in the Black community state that they would prefer having a Black therapist. They want someone who understands the cultural nuances and recognizes the nonverbal cues that only a Black therapist can understand.

Answer: Black, Indigenous, and People of Color (BIPOC) therapists are growing in numbers. Also, there are more therapists being required to learn about and exhibit cultural sensitivity with their clients. Additionally, the message for Black people can be supported by these therapists to remind Black clients that therapy is about putting yourself first. So, someone who has been through trauma, has shame, struggles with depression or anxiety, and work issues should know that it is important and worth discussing these with someone who wants to help them. Also, Mental health therapy is one of the best self-care activities a person can do for themselves and BIPOC clinicians can help their clients with that.

High Costs of Mental Health

Mental health therapy can be costly. In some cases, private insurance companies will cover most of the cost of a visit, but a co-pay is still due at the time of service to the therapist. If a person doesn’t have insurance, they would have to pay out-of-pocket for sessions. Out-of-pocket sessions are not an option for many people, therefore the discussion of the affordability of therapy services continues to be an important topic.

Answer: There are numerous affordable options available to clients who are seeking help who may not have enough financial resources. These include Medicare, Sliding Scale Fees at Private Practice companies based upon the clients income, Non-Profit organizations, and Community Health Centers. Many clients were unaware of these sources and have come to believe mental health was unthinkable. Clients often experience some relief, personal growth, and begin to use the tools to manage their problems within a short period of beginning.

Supporting mental health in the Black community and decreasing the stigma about mental health services and making mental health more accessible is a wonderful place to start.

What can we do?

Additionally, creating resources, having healthier conversation about Black Mental Health and teaching, and encouraging Black people to learn it is appropriate to ask for help. Ideas include the following:

• Black people should consider sharing and being more open about mental health challenges to normalize them for others in the community.

• Follow Black therapists on social media who are talking about a variety of mental health challenges impacting the Black community and provide resources to support black mental health.

• Talk to trusted friends and family about their positive experiences in therapy.

• Understand that therapists are bound to confidentiality, which means the things that are discussed with their therapist will remain between the two of them, unless there are significant safety concerns.

• Remember that prioritizing one’s own needs and self-care is not considered being selfish, it is actually healthy. Talking to someone who is safe, exercising, healthy eating, positive behaviors and social activities are essential for managing stress, especially for individuals who are used to being told that their own emotional and health needs are not important.

The future of Black Mental Health is certainly more promising as we discuss the issues and have identified several solutions. Making Black Mental Health a priority through accessibility, changing the stigma, and awareness within the Black community of how mental health services can be life giving, is a step in the right direction. Now that, is worthy of a celebration during Black History Month!

Written by Tosha Owens, APCC

Some Adult Behaviors Of Someone Who Suffered From Verbal Abuse As A Child

 Low Self-Esteem

When you hear a lot of verbal abuse as a child, you begin to internalize it. Being repeatedly insulted, called names, and told that you aren’t good enough takes a toll on you. As a child, you slowly begin to believe that you are all those things.

This is especially true if you were always told to lighten up or have more positive thinking whenever a cruel comment upset you. As a child, you lacked the necessary reasoning ability to understand that your family members were in the wrong, not you. So, instead, you believed them, and along the way, your confidence was lost and you began to doubt and dislike yourself. 

Here are some ways that low self-esteem due to childhood verbal abuse may be affecting you to this day:

You Blame Yourself A Lot:

Verbal abusers often like to point fingers. They’ll put the blame on anyone and everyone except themselves. Your family members likely never took responsibility for their wrongdoings; instead, they guilted you, causing you to always feel at fault.

Today, this may cause you to always blame yourself about everything – even things that don’t have much to do with you. If anything goes wrong, you automatically feel guilty and think you could have done something to stop it.

You Have Trouble Standing By Decisions:

When you were growing up, there’s a good chance that your family members would always insist that they knew best. Every time you had a good idea or wanted to make your own choices, they would manipulate you. They would make you believe that you were young and ignorant, and they weren’t controlling you; they just “care.”

Of course, they didn’t care, and it was all an act to put you in your so-called place. As a grown-up, this may cause you to lack conviction in your ability to make decisions. You may second guess your choices or become extremely anxious about making them. And if they happen to be the wrong choices, you’ll berate yourself for days – if not longer.

You Do A Lot Of Negative Self-Talk:

Verbal abuse conditions children to think negatively about themselves. This is why your inner voice may mirror your abuser’s. You may have a constant barrage of negative thoughts and criticize yourself over every small issue. You may even insult yourself.

You Feel Like You’re Never Good Enough: 

Verbally abusive families often expect unreasonable things out of their children. Even if those kids manage to achieve those unrealistic expectations, there is never any reward or any kindness waiting.

As an adult, this may cause you to always feel like you could have done more. You may overwork yourself, obsess over failure unhealthily, and consider any achievement less than the very best to be not nearly good enough.

 You Don’t Consider Your Needs Important: 

Verbally abusive homes are often also neglectful. When you expressed your needs as a child, you were likely ignored or told to suck it up. Today, this may manifest in a lack of care for your wellbeing. You may underestimate your needs, or you may feel like they aren’t worthy of your attention and care. 

Recovery from childhood verbal abuse: 

However through individual therapy using cognitive behavioral therapy strategies and techniques we can modify self-esteem through Cognitive restructuring or reframing negative thoughts of self, Guided discovery, Exposure therapy, Journaling and thought records, Activity scheduling and behavior activation, Behavioral experiments, Relaxation and stress reduction techniques, Role playing and daily positive self-affirmations. 

As a child we cannot help our circumstances. However as an adults we can change cognitive distortions of self and improve self-awareness, self-esteem and promote positive productivity through individual therapy. 

My name is Lisa Jacobs Clark. I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with CCS and have been practicing for over five years. 

I enjoy working with children, teens and adults to improve their cognitive perceptions of themselves, improving self-value, self-worth and overall self-esteem through active strategies discussed in weekly individual therapy. 

LISA J. CLARK, LMFT

Lisa loves working with teens and adults. She helps by teaching anxiety reduction skills and problem-solving skills. She is a good listener and she cares much. She hates to see people in pain and she works with them to help them develop a happier and healthier life. She is optimistic and warm and she helps people see other perspectives.

She is a parent and she understands that raising children can be a lot of hard work and sometimes parents get stressed and need help too.

A favorite quote of her is "It's easier to build strong children than repair Broken men." Fredrick Douglass.

The Super Power of Hugging

What if I told you that you have a superpower right at your fingertips? What if this superpower improved your overall physical and mental health, reduced stress and anxiety, lowered your blood pressure, and improved your communication? What if you only needed to use this superpower a few moments a day, every day, to achieve these results? Sound too good to be true? Well, read on to learn how to use your superpower!

Have you guessed what this superpower is? Hugging!

Hugging is so important that is has it’s own day of recognition. Yup, January 23rd is National Hugging Day, and while this is not a federal holiday, it is publicly recognized by the United States. Rev Kevin Zaborney founded it in 1986 in Caro, Michigan. This is a day where public displays of emotion are encouraged. It is an opportunity to notice those around you and to reach out and hug someone. As AT&T suggested back in the 1970s, reach out and touch someone!

Why is this superpower so important? Why is it necessary to have a National Hugging Day? Studies throughout the years have indicated that physical touch has multiple benefits, both physically and mentally. Can you remember the last time you hugged someone? Do you remember how you felt inside? Did you feel your blood pressure lowering? Did you feel less anxious and a little more safe and secure inside? These are just a few benefits of physical touch. 

Research conducted at the Touch Research Institute at the University of Miami School of Medicine has shown that physical touch may protect you from heart disease and reduce your chances of becoming ill. Your quality of life and experience of pain might be affected too. Lastly, physical touch can help us with our nonverbal communication, sending messages of love, care, and concern.  

Hugging can boost our mood, decrease feelings of fatigue, and improve our overall feelings of well-being. Something as small as a touch actually releases a hormone called oxytocin, also known as the “cuddle hormone.”  This hormone is responsible for reducing anxiety and lowering our blood pressure. The stress hormone called norepinephrine is also decreased when we are hugging someone. More commonly, this neurotransmitter is responsible for the “flight or fight response.” And a simple hug can have a significant impact on us.

Despite all the benefits of physical touch, our Western culture is slowly becoming touch-deprived. There are multiple reasons why this is happening. Increased screen time and distraction from our phones are the main culprits. We are also increasingly more isolated and have fewer opportunities to touch one other. Covid and the pandemic severely limited our ability to interact and safely reach out. All of this has had a negative impact on our physical and mental health. Research says that due to COVID, Americans want more space between us than ever. 

So how can we use this superpower in times of a pandemic or if no one is readily available to hug? According to self-compassion researcher Kristin Neff, Ph.D., hugging yourself is just as beneficial as hugging someone else. When we hug ourselves, we can still reap the benefits of an improved mood, reduction in pain, and an increased sense of safety and security. As Dr. Neffi states, hugging yourself “Gives a boost to our self-compassion.” We are more likely to experience an increase in our self-esteem and not be so harsh on ourselves when we make a mistake. 

Are you ready to break out your superpower and begin benefitting from hugging? Researcher and “founder of family therapy” Virginia Satir suggests that 4 hugs a day are needed for survival, 8 for maintenance, and 12 hugs a day for growth. If this seems too much hugging, start small and slowly increase your hugging as it feels right for you.

If you would like to talk further about the importance of touch and other superpowers inside of you or any other concern, please call the office to make an appointment.

LEANN GALOUSTIAN, LCSW

“Bloom where you are planted” - The Bishop of Geneva

My theoretical foundation lies in strength-based therapy. I believe in the transformative power of listening and being present in a safe and nonjudgmental space. When you take that first step and reach out for help you have already started the healing process. Therapy is a place where you can unburden yourself. As a therapist, I believe things will get better even if it feels like right now, things will never change. I can help you see the progress made and the inner strength reflected in yourself. You will learn the skills to empower yourself to go forward and face what life may bring. I specialize in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, Mindfulness, and Mood regulation which can help to address your therapeutic needs.

I have worked with children, adolescents, and families who have struggled with depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, ADHD, substance abuse, trauma, and neglect. I have sat on both sides of the chair and understand what it means to be facing a crisis and how to move forward and regain your equilibrium.

My education includes a Masters in Social Work from the University of California, Los Angeles. Bachelors of Arts Degree from Cal State University, Northridge, and I was the University of Southern California Masters in Social Work Graduate Student Supervisor. Throughout my 10 years of working in the mental health field, whether it be inpatient care, outpatient mental health, medical setting, or authorizing mental health treatment for an insurance company, the goal is the same. Listen, be present without judgment and provide support.

I look forward to working with you as you begin your journey of healing.

Please, call me today to set up an appointment, 951-778-0230.

Stress-Relief Tips for Working Moms

It’s no secret that working moms are no strangers to stress. We have to balance the expectations of our workplaces, home, friends and family, and at the same time cope with the emotional rollercoaster of anxiety, guilt, frustration, joy, and all other emotions that come with motherhood.  It is important to practice some self-care in between all of the highs and lows of being both a mother and being part of the workforce. I wanted to share some ideas about ways you can relieve the stress that comes from living in both of these worlds (and the rest of the world around us- inflation, traffic, conflict, elections, social justice- there is just so much, isn’t there?).

1. Organize and Plan

   As a working mom, it can be quite difficult to keep tabs on everything. Taking some time to sit down, plan, and organize events with your family members can be a huge help. Oftentimes, stress is rooted in the fear of the unpredictable. Planning ahead and penciling in your own routine/family routines helps to provide less fuss and fight throughout the week. You might want to display your schedule or routine by keeping a planner and writing things down on a whiteboard or large wall calendar at home to display for all to see. (That makes the rest of the family become involved and responsible for their activities as well. That’s great for teaching kids coping skills and time management!) (And that moms have limits on time that is available)
   

2. Get Connected with Loved Ones

   Humans are social creatures, and we often crave that connection to others. Research studies have shown that kids who often feel neglected tend to act out more, and working moms often struggle with the guilt of not spending enough time with them. In order to reduce this stress, it’s important to find ways to connect and relieve stress at the same time. Along with planning ahead, take the time to enjoy the company of your child, family, friends, and community. Try a five minute sharing time daily, or fifteen minutes twice a week with your teen.
   

3. Set Boundaries!

   Every relationship needs to respect the importance of saying “no”. Working moms already have many roles to play and events scheduled on their planner. In order to keep from feeling too overwhelmed, it’s important to say “no” to the stuff that distracts or disrupts you maintaining your self-esteem, family unit, and success. It’s okay to say “no” to keep your peace. Remember that “no” is a complete sentence. No excuses or explanations are needed.
   

4. Practice Gratitude

   Working moms tend to have busy schedules that feel like they have no room left. Despite that it is  important to take a minute to practice gratitude. Research has shown that practicing gratitude can boost self-esteem, foster resilience, and can assist our children to grow up to be happier people. According to a 2008 research study from the Journal of School Psychology, children who grew up with gratitude practice reported more happiness, more satisfaction, and reported better social support. Show your kids that you are naming your gratitude in the morning and evening and help them do it too.
   
   

5. Practice Mindfulness

   Taking the time to practice a short minute of mindfulness helps working moms to press the pause button on their busy lives. What’s so beneficial of practicing mindfulness is its convenience. Working moms can practice a sensory activity while sipping on their morning coffee – noting the aroma, the heat from the mug, and taking a tasteful first sip. Working moms can also take the time to practice mindfulness while preparing dinner for their family or as they are reading a bed-time story for their children. 

I hope this was helpful – I know I need a reminder once in a while as well. If you need more information or would like to work with me I can be reached at Central Counseling Services, www.centralcounselingservices.com (951) 778-0230. I love helping working moms cope, parent, and thrive. 

Marika Lopez

Student I

Morin, A. 2020, November 11. How to Teach Children Gratitude. VeryWellMind. https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-teach-children-gratitude4782154#:~:text=can%20be%20worthwhile.-,Research%20and%20Evidence,up%20to%20be%20happier%20people.

CECILIA FABE, ACSW

I believe that you are truly capable of overcoming life’s difficulties through thoughtful therapeutic guidance.

Dealing with life’s stressors can often be overwhelming, and continuing to experience emotional stressors can create a debilitating impact upon the relationship you have with yourself and others. Just because you experience these stressors, doesn’t mean you have to go face them all alone. Whether it be depression, anxiety, hopelessness, relationship conflicts, etc. I hope to be your trusted support.

My name is Cecilia, and I am a compassionate, empathetic clinical therapist. I obtained my B.A. in psychology from UC Riverside and my Master of Social Work from Loma Linda University. My professional experience includes providing individual and group therapy services in the outpatient setting in both mental health and substance abuse clinics. I provide counseling for teens, adults, and couples.

My focus is on providing trauma-informed care that is client-centered and strengths-based. I have the strong belief that treatment is focused on you, and that you are truly capable of overcoming life’s difficulties, especially through thoughtful therapeutic guidance.

I provide services utilizing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), Solution Focused Brief Therapy, Trauma-Informed Systems, as well as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) Therapy. I provide therapy in both English and Tagalog!

My hope is to provide you with a safe space to be able to work through life’s stressors and for you to feel supported, empowered, & capable. 

Borderline Personality Disorder and Relationships

Let's talk about borderline personality disorder (BPD) and relationships. The first thing we want to do is recognize the traits of borderline personality disorder. People with BPD tend to have an intense fear of being left alone or abandoned. Regardless of whether such abandonment is real or imagined, the individual may take extreme measures to avoid possible separation or rejection. These measures can include threatening self-harm, starting fights and arguments, and engaging in jealous behaviors. Unfortunately, these behaviors can cause an adverse reaction and cause the other partner to withdraw, which is the one thing that the person with a borderline personality disorder is trying to prevent.

BPD tends to make maintaining healthy relationships very challenging. A person with BPD tends to have a very black and white way of thinking about people, seeing them as all good or all bad. This causes frequently shifting attitudes towards others that range from extreme closeness and love (idealization) to extreme dislike or anger (devaluation). What this can look like  "I love you " now" I hate you" behavior.

People with BPD also struggle with identity disturbances. Their ability to be independent and autonomous is significantly impaired. They may also have constantly shifting ideas of who they are or what they want in life, including changing partners often, which can further uphold their unstable view of relationships.

Impulsive, risky, and often self-destructive behaviors are also common for those with BPD. This can include actually ending a healthy relationship. 

Suicidal thoughts and behavior are not uncommon for those who struggle with BPD. This suicidal behavior includes thinking about suicide, making suicidal threats, or carrying out a suicide attempt.

Another common symptom of BPD is emotional volatility, with intense mood swings ranging from extreme happiness to despair the next. They have a lot of trouble regulating their emotions. While these mood swings tend to pass fairly quickly, typically lasting only a few minutes or hours, they can also persist for several days in some cases. Behaviors associated with this can include starting arguments with your partner. These behaviors are very trying for the partner, and the partner is often left with little direction on how to fix it.

Those with borderline personality disorder often have difficulty feeling empathy for others. Studies have shown that those with BPD often have reduced activity in the brain regions that support empathy, leading to difficulty maintaining interpersonal relationships. This reduced activity means that those with BPD have difficulty understanding and predicting how others may feel in certain situations. Thus making the partner feel misunderstood and feeling alone.

 BPD is one of the most stigmatized mental health conditions. Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental illness that affects adults in the United States alone. Those who develop BPD tend to begin exhibiting signs by early adulthood.

Let's talk about how one "gets" borderline personality disorder.

 Genetics might make you more vulnerable to developing BPD, but often it's due to stressful or traumatic life experiences that these vulnerabilities are triggered and become a problem. Either natural or fear of abandonment in childhood or adolescence, a disrupted family life, or poor communication in the family. Another factor contributing to BPD is sexual, physical, or emotional abuse from childhood. 

There is evidence that those diagnosed with BPD are more likely to have had a history of abuse or other distressing experiences during childhood. Studies have shown that 40% to 76% of people with BPD report being sexually abused as children, and 25% to 73% report being physically abused. Both physical and emotional neglect can also be contributing factors.

Treatment

With treatment and continual support from family and partners, people with BPD can have successful relationships. Dialectical behavioral therapy is commonly used with people who have BPD. A therapist will help you learn to respond to emotional situations with reason and proper judgment. This will reduce the dichotomous thinking (the belief that everything is black and white) that so many people with BPD have. 

Part of caring for a partner with BPD is understanding what they're experiencing. Understanding the level of emotional disorder they experience can help you respond in a way that protects both of you from other chaos.

If you have BPD or have a partner with BPD give me a call and let’s work together to create a healthier and happier relationship.

Courtney Whetstone, LMFT

I became a therapist because I want to help people who are struggling to change their lives. I work with clients in a caring and compassionate manner, and I tailor the treatment to fit their needs and goals. You are the most important part of your treatment - it needs to relate to your life in a way that works for you. I will challenge you to overcome the challenges you see in your life with support and positive feedback. My approach is working collaboratively toward a happier life for you by helping you make positive changes, including increasing your self-awareness and those barriers that have come between you and your goals.

My specialties include working with children and adolescents, couples, and in crisis intervention. I have experience in many areas, including family reunification counseling, anxiety, depression, and OCD. I also teach our co-parenting class here at CCS on Saturday mornings. Please call and set an appointment with me to help you develop  new tools to overcome emotional hurdles you are facing with strength and confidence.

Preparing for Mother’s Day: Support and Empowerment

Mother’s Day is an occasion that many people around the world celebrate. However, it is not often the happiest day for many others. Mother’s Day can trigger some of the toughest feelings for people, such as those grieving the loss of a child, struggling with infertility, those without a relationship with their own mother, or even struggling with adoption. It’s important to take care of yourself as Mother’s Day approaches, as some of these tough feelings are brought up. Here are some helpful ways to plan ahead to support and empower yourself through Mother’s Day:

1. Plan Ahead
   Schedule ahead how you plan on celebrating Mother’s Day. Whether it be taking the day off and shopping around, plan a trip, or dedicate the day to just overall self-care.
   

2. Take a Social Media Break
   With the convenience of social media, we can stay connected to our loved ones. However being sucked into social media leads us into comparison and jealousy, especially during holidays. Take the day off from browsing through social media to avoid some tough feelings.
   

3. Talk About It
   Take the time to meet with your therapist or to talk to a trusted loved one about your thoughts and feelings. Speaking with someone about your hurt or frustration can be so helpful.
   

4. Feel Your Feelings
   It may be the most uncomfortable thing to do, but you owe it to yourself to truly acknowledge the hurt that you may be experiencing during the holiday. Acknowledge those feelings and practice your self care/ coping skills to enhance your emotional wellness.

CECILIA FABE, ACSW

I believe that you are truly capable of overcoming life’s difficulties through thoughtful therapeutic guidance.

Dealing with life’s stressors can often be overwhelming, and continuing to experience emotional stressors can create a debilitating impact upon the relationship you have with yourself and others. Just because you experience these stressors, doesn’t mean you have to go face them all alone. Whether it be depression, anxiety, hopelessness, relationship conflicts, etc. I hope to be your trusted support.

My name is Cecilia, and I am a compassionate, empathetic clinical therapist. I obtained my B.A. in psychology from UC Riverside and my Master of Social Work from Loma Linda University. My professional experience includes providing individual and group therapy services in the outpatient setting in both mental health and substance abuse clinics. I provide counseling for teens, adults, and couples.

My focus is on providing trauma-informed care that is client-centered and strengths-based. I have the strong belief that treatment is focused on you, and that you are truly capable of overcoming life’s difficulties, especially through thoughtful therapeutic guidance.

I provide services utilizing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), Solution Focused Brief Therapy, Trauma-Informed Systems, as well as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) Therapy. I provide therapy in both English and Tagalog!

My hope is to provide you with a safe space to be able to work through life’s stressors and for you to feel supported, empowered, & capable. 

Preparing for the Posts Ahead and FOMO: How to Deal with the Fear of Missing Out as We Begin Festival Season

All generations are now familiar with social media – from creating and sharing posts about their weekend adventure to sharing the next up-and-coming restaurant that just popped up. It is without a doubt that we all feel the excitement to share with our family, friends, and followers on the most exciting times of our lives, however have we ever taken the chance to reflect on that feeling that we are missing out on events, festivals, opportunities that others share on their feed? This feeling is called the Fear of Missing Out. According to VeryWellMind, The Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) refers to:

“the feeling or perception that others are having more fun, living better lives, or experiencing better things than you are. FOMO is not just the sense that there might be better things that you could be doing at this moment, but it is the feeling that you are missing out on something fundamentally important that others are experiencing right now.”

Essentially, FOMO is often exacerbated by spending time on any social media platform: Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, Youtube, etc. FOMO is phenomenon that affects people of all ages, as studies have also shown that there was a greater linkage to this feeling between increased smartphone & social media usage, regardless of age and gender. Research has also shown that increased feelings of FOMO detrimentally affect an individual’s sense of self-esteem and even envy.

So how can one take care of oneself as we venture on to warmer months, more vacations, more festivals, more social media posts? How can we minimize FOMO for ourselves? Here are some tips:

1. Practice Gratitude
   Oftentimes, we focus on our “lack mindset”. This means that we tend to focus on the things, experiences, people that we do not have. Rather, it is important for us to take the time to practice some gratitude – to change our mindset to one about “abundance”. With an “abundance mindset”, we take the time to name the people. Places, things, experiences, and so on that we are truly grateful for. With this, you can start a gratitude journal or simply take the time to practice some mindfulness and name these things to ourselves. With an “abundance mindset”, we take the time to focus on what we do have and the opportunities to follow.
   

2. Get Connected
   During this time, getting connected to our loved ones, including friends, family, and supporters, can be such a nice change of pace. Nowadays, we often get caught up in the speed and frenzy of social media, when we truly need to take the time to get connected either physically or through Zoom/FaceTime with those that we truly care about it. Making plans can help you with being able to conquer that feeling that you are missing out on life.
   

3. Journal It Out
   The benefits of this day and age is the accessibility to creating any kind of note at any time. With a smartphone or even with a regular notebook, take some time to jot down your thoughts both helpful and unhelpful. With social media, people are expected to share all the happy moments, however it’s important for us to process the moments that are the opposite. So whether your journal entry be about you promotion at work, you receiving a scholarship in school, or how the guy that cut you off while driving on the freeway was rude – journal it out to process.

Scott, E. 2021, April 25. How to Deal With FOMO in Your Life. VeryWellMind. https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-cope-with-fomo-4174664

CECILIA FABE, ACSW

I believe that you are truly capable of overcoming life’s difficulties through thoughtful therapeutic guidance.

Dealing with life’s stressors can often be overwhelming, and continuing to experience emotional stressors can create a debilitating impact upon the relationship you have with yourself and others. Just because you experience these stressors, doesn’t mean you have to go face them all alone. Whether it be depression, anxiety, hopelessness, relationship conflicts, etc. I hope to be your trusted support.

My name is Cecilia, and I am a compassionate, empathetic clinical therapist. I obtained my B.A. in psychology from UC Riverside and my Master of Social Work from Loma Linda University. My professional experience includes providing individual and group therapy services in the outpatient setting in both mental health and substance abuse clinics. I provide counseling for teens, adults, and couples.

My focus is on providing trauma-informed care that is client-centered and strengths-based. I have the strong belief that treatment is focused on you, and that you are truly capable of overcoming life’s difficulties, especially through thoughtful therapeutic guidance.

I provide services utilizing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), Solution Focused Brief Therapy, Trauma-Informed Systems, as well as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) Therapy. I provide therapy in both English and Tagalog!

My hope is to provide you with a safe space to be able to work through life’s stressors and for you to feel supported, empowered, & capable. 

Do your friends tell you you need a therapist?

Check out our latest vlog HERE

Nora discusses the struggles and emotions that come along with being visually impaired and wants others to know they aren't alone. It is important to face these challenges and she helps clients combat them by using tools and different coping skills to fight them once and for all. Nora advocates for those struggling and provides a therapeutic safe space with no judgment to help clients live their best lives. 

NORA MUONGPRUAN, AMFT

I have a passion for sing with people and helping them find a sense of hope in their most vulnerable moments. I believe that everyone has a right to be heard and validated. I use a client-centered, collaborative approach allowing the person the opportunity to discover the barriers that keep them from living their best life. In addition, I serve as a guide for the client to reach their own personal goals.

I enjoy working with people of all ages, including children, teens, and adults. My therapeutic space is always compassionate and non-judgmental to allow a safe and comfortable place to navigate and explore what is needed.

I am a member of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (CAMFT).

Emotional Intimacy

Have you ever spent the entire day with someone, but still felt like you missed them or you didn’t really connect in your time together? It’s possible that you are doing tasks alongside someone but missing emotional intimacy. Emotional intimacy applies to all relationships. You do not have to be a touchy-feely person to have emotional intimacy. It's more a matter of having the ability to show someone that you care, rather than gushing over someone and sharing all of your feelings all of the time. 

“Emotional intimacy could be defined as allowing yourself to connect more deeply with your partner through actions that express feelings, vulnerabilities and trust,” says Sanam Hafeez, a neuropsychologist in New York City and faculty member in Columbia University's clinical psychology Ph. D

Here are some examples:

• When you’re aware that your friend has an important event coming up and you text them to “Best of luck” on the day of or ask them how it went.

• When you ask your parent for their opinion on a subject even if you don’t need their advice. Giving them an opportunity to give a neutral perspective on a topic.

• When you’re running late to work and your partner helps you out by packing your lunch and getting your coffee started.

• When you see that a family member had a strong reaction to something, checking in with them about it later to see how they felt or if they want to discuss it. 

• You tell your parents about an upsetting experience you had and they listen carefully to your complaints and discuss them calmly with you. 

• You tell your coworker about an incident at work and they listen to you and offer support as you figure out how to navigate the situation. 

Emotional Intimacy in Romantic Relationships

A relationship can survive without physical intimacy, but not emotional intimacy.  Emotional intimacy in relationships is important as it allows you to reach new levels of trust and vulnerability in your relationship. Common challenges to emotional intimacy in relationships are when one partner feels that their partner is not providing equal levels of emotional attention and support or when one partner confuses emotional intimacy as an opportunity to emotionally unload on their partner.  

How Do You Build It?

The recipe for emotional intimacy is equal parts communication and trust. Emotional connections take time to build. In addition to having patience you have to create opportunities to demonstrate that you can be trusted. This allows, the other person to gauge how safe they are to be vulnerable with you and how reliable you are. It’s important to start where the other person is. Start with the present relationships or interests, rather than childhood and deep family relationships.

Why Don’t You Have It?

Is it a trust issue? communication issue? or both? Having a strong emotional bond is an outcome of working on these issues first. Trust is the hardest to build and easiest to lose. If you find yourself in a situation where you’re in the re-building phase of trust. The person has to be willing to put in the effort to repair what they have broken. They have to take ownership of what actions they took to damage the relationship in the first place. The focus should be on building a healthy relationship instead of recreating the relationship you once had. The reality is that it's gone and if you were both truly fulfilled then it would have been sustainable.  

How Do You Accept That Your Partner Will Not Give It To You?

Can you force someone to give you what they don't have? For many people it isn’t a conscious decision but more of a completely new way of relating to someone. Healthy marriages are supposed to be different than every other relationship you carry. It is unique and that often makes it challenging for people to create something they’ve never had. 

If your partner can carry an emotionally intimate relationship but chooses not to, then you can't force them. You should demonstrate patience and communicate your needs consistently and calmly. Once you’ve established that they understand what you are asking for, given clear ways of creating it, and given ample opportunities to make the changes necessary, then you have to accept that you don’t have control over their behavior. You can choose to remain in the relationship as it is, but it is likely you are continuing in the relationship based on the potential you see in the relationship, more than the reality of the current relationship. 

For more info, https://www.nbcnews.com/better/lifestyle/how-build-emotional-intimacy-your-partner-starting-tonight-ncna1129846

Vanessa Trujillo, LCSW

My first steps into the field of mental health started in Los Angeles County working to reunite families who had been separated due to abuse and generational trauma. I learned firsthand how important it is to heal from emotional pain in order to develop healthy relationships and positive personal change.

I have worked as a therapist for 8 years and know that we are all working towards stability and security. I have found success in working with youth, women, children, and families, ages 4-80 years old, who struggle to manage their worries, feel hopeless, and/or have experienced trauma. It is important to me that I learn about each client, in order to identify ways that I could be of service to them and their family, rather than to pathologize their behavior.

I strive to provide mental health services based in compassion, commitment, and honesty. My goal is to ensure that each person I work with understands their behavioral health condition and can identify techniques to be successful in overcoming any impairments. Often, when facing challenges with our emotional health, we become convinced that we are in a hopeless situation. While no amount of therapy can change someone’s lived experiences, in therapy we work to understand the meaning of these events and provide you with tools to determine the direction you want your life to take.

Our sessions will include theory, literature, and evidenced based techniques to create practical solutions that can be used in everyday situations. I would love to assist you in taking the first steps in a journey to improve the quality of your life and/or relationships.

TO BOOK A SESSION WITH VANESSA CALL 951-778-0230. VANESSA IS ALSO BILINGUAL IN ENGLISH AND SPANISH.

Depression: recognizing the signs, how to cope, and where to find help

Depression can make it tough to enjoy life, especially when feelings of despair and hopelessness always persist. 

Some notable symptoms include depressed mood (feeling sad, irritable, empty) or a loss of pleasure or interest in activities, for most of the day, nearly every day, for at least two weeks. Several other symptoms are also present, which may include poor concentration, feelings of excessive guilt or low self-worth, hopelessness about the future, thoughts about dying or suicide, disrupted sleep, changes in appetite or weight, and feeling especially tired or low in energy. 

In some contexts, people may express their mood changes more readily in the form of bodily symptoms (ie. pain, fatigue, weakness). Yet, these physical symptoms are not due to another medical condition. 

During a depressive episode, a person may experience significant difficulty in personal, family, social, educational, occupational, and/or other important areas of functioning. 

A depressive episode can be categorized as mild, moderate, or severe depending on the number and severity of symptoms, as well as the impact on the individual’s functioning. 

Below are some tips to begin self-help for managing symptoms of depression:

1. Engage in enjoyable activities: Spend time doing something you love each day. Spending time consistently to do things that bring us joy has a compound effect on our overall happiness and quality of life.

2. Physical activity: Walking and yoga are great ways to boost the “feel good” chemical in our brain and increase mood.

3. Journaling: Journaling helps to manage our thoughts and feelings and get them off our mind.

4. Listen to music: Music is another fantastic way to cope with depression. Make a playlist of uplifting songs to listen to when you’re feeling down.

5. Relax: Relaxation can also help you cope with negative feelings. Take a hot shower, a bath, and watch a movie or TV show. You will be surprised at what some good R&R can do for your mood.

6. Volunteer: Volunteering is a great way to avoid negative thoughts and help those who may be worse off than you. Serving others is a proven way to build self-esteem and resiliency. Look for volunteer opportunities in your area.

7. Get enough sleep: Sleep also correlates with your mood. If youre not sleeping well, then you probably feel more depressed and irritable, not to mention tired. Talk to your doctor about your options to help you get a good night's sleep.

***Seeking help and support can seem impossible, but there is hope and assistance out there.

Where to find support:

SAMHSA’s National Helpline

• SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental health and/or substance use disorders.

• Visit the online treatment locator:

https://findtreatment.samhsa.gov/ 

OR Call: 1-800-662-4357

Other options to seek help: 

1. Call your doctor and make an appointment.

2. Call your local County Mental Health clinic.

~Brandi Scott, LMFT

I have been a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist since 2007. I enjoy working with all ages, but have specialized in children and adolescents with severe emotional disturbances. I enjoy family time, bicycling, and going to the beach. I feel blessed to have the opportunity to help people, as this has always been my passion.

Accidents Happen to All of Us

At the age of ten I was in a fairly bad car accident. It left me with a broken nose and severe whiplash. By age twelve I was beginning to complain about neck and pack pains and by fourteen the feelings were daily. Throughout high school it was not uncommon to hear me complaining about my neck and back or constantly pulling and adjusting at my shoulders. At that time, however, it did not keep me from doing the things I loved to do, such as sewing, dance, and other physical activities. My homelife was also stressful at that time and days where pain flareups were worse, I often did little to nothing. Of course, doing little to nothing can be common in teenage years, but the constant pain on top of stress could drain the energy from me and leave me with no reserves for basic functions. 

I married and had kids young and the stress of this also made for difficulties in managing my pain. By the age of twenty-five and a couple more car accidents, I had finally had enough and sought more intensive treatment. I was given shots, pills, and physical therapy. All of which provided temporary relief (except perhaps the agonizing and daily requirements of physical therapy which took a long time to see lasting results from), and I was never one to want to be dependent on pills. I needed to reevaluate everything.

The Problem

Experiencing chronic pain can impact not only your daily functioning, but your mental health. Pain can have a significant impact on all areas of our lives from sleep to eating to even thinking straight. The populations with the highest rates of suicide deaths are those cited as nearly one in ten having had signs of chronic pain. Pain can affect the way we sleep and our quality of sleep, making our ability to eat and tolerate stress and frustration impossible, as well as decrease focus/concentration-related accidents. Sleep is arguably one of the most important basic functions we can do as humans. Our mental health is directly affected when we are negatively impacted by constant and persistent pain, creating a level of emotional hostility when we are preoccupied with managing even mild rates of discomfort. We become less friendly, experience less happiness, basic functional impairment (as discussed above), and increase our production of the stress hormone cortisol.

While there is a physiological and medical cause for a lot of chronic pain, it is important to critically evaluate your lifestyle and the way we interact with ourselves. While our mental state and emotional health may not always be a cause of pain, it is something well documented to have somatic implications on our physical health.

Why This Matters

Chronic pain and its emotional effects it can have in our lives can hinder our self-esteem, self-efficacy, and our relationships with others. This is important because we rely on the emotional (and sometimes physical) support of others. It can feel hard to tolerate being an emotional support for others when you feel constant agony within yourself. It can fuel undo resentment that is difficult to rationalize. It can cause us to be short-tempered, snarky, snappy, or completely unresponsive. Chronic pain can damage relationships as much as it can damage our self-worth and self-esteem. 

The presence of chronic pain can create and worsen our perception and interaction with others and the world by depriving us of basic needs as well as emotional wellbeing.

The types of chronic pain we all can deal with will vary from person to person and natural temperament plays an important role too. Our support system is another big factor which is why pushing people away for what we cannot control is the last thing we want to do! We may not be able to control how we feel at any given moment, but we always have control over our behaviors and the words we choose to express our pains and frustrations.

What Can We Do?

While the idea of managing chronic pain with no end in sight can be daunting as well as devastating, it is important to have a team behind you. This is your care team of professionals, such as doctors and therapists, as well as your support team such as friends and family. If pain management has minimal effects on comfort, such as those suffering with fibromyalgia or other painful conditions, having a solid care routine is crucial. Follow your medical doctor’s recommendations and advice religiously. 

You can also get emotional and mental support from mental health therapists that can teach you coping skills such as cognitive behavioral therapy, mindfulness therapy, somatic anchoring techniques, and exploring commitment and radical, unconditional acceptance. With support it can become easier to express your immediate needs, your limitations, and how others can best help you when you most need it. Through evaluation and inner awareness you can assess where your lifestyle can improve your quality of life as well as emotional factors playing into the worsening of symptoms.

It is important to remember we are sometimes overtaken by our intense pain, both physically and emotionally, that it is easy to overlook the good and where we can improve our own environment to support healthy functions.

Next Steps

What can we do next? Start with seeking support for emotional wellness and mental fortitude while you battle a force beyond your control. Seek someone who can help guide you through the mourning process and feelings of loss that chronic pain causes. Practice patience for yourself through this acceptance process on days you cannot do as much as you did yesterday. Use mindfulness exercises that help you through this acceptance process, but also allow yourself to experience positive moments throughout your day. While pain is experienced in the body, it is perceived only in the brain. A trained cognitive behavioral therapist can help put the experience of your pain into context and better understanding of your body. Your next steps may be daunting, but you do not have to endure it alone. Call me I understand you pain.

The Meaning of Life: Less Intimidating Than It Sounds

What’s the point?

For many of us, pandemic life has thrown more than just our daily routines into chaos. It’s shown us pain, loss, and suffering on a global scale – and for most of us, this is different from anything we’ve experienced before now. When we’re surrounded by so much uncertainty,

it’s easy to wonder what the point of it all is.

Ultimately, we can’t prevent all bad things from happening to us, and we can’t avoid pain and loss forever. But experiencing terrible things feels… well, terrible. So, if part of the human experience is accepting the reality of pain and loss, what’s an ordinary human to do about it? How can we find a sense of purpose or meaning in the midst of a pandemic, war, political unrest, chronic illness, or anything else we might face in life?

Defining “Meaning”

The difficult thing about “meaning” is that it can’t easily be quantified – we can’t see it or measure it, so how do we know when our lives have it? Maybe more importantly, what IS the meaning of life and where do we find it?

There really isn’t any “one size fits all” answer to that question for everyone. But don’t let that discourage you – from an Existential-Humanistic theoretical approach, that lack of a concrete answer means that we each have the freedom and capability to determine what makes our lives meaningful, and then take our own steps to attain it. From this philosophical standpoint, life’s meaning can look different for each of us. 

Perhaps the best question to ask isn’t, “What’s the meaning of life?” but rather,

 “What’s the meaning of MY life?”

From an Existential viewpoint, the bad things that happen to us are constant reminders of our own limits and eventual mortality.

This means that it’s up to us to be responsible for creating meaningful lives and making each day count to the fullest.

 The Humanistic viewpoint is that people are generally good, with the free will to make the best choices, and the potential for self-improvement. When combined together, these philosophies can help create an approach that motivates us to become our best selves, and tap into our personal power for growth and interconnectedness.

Identifying Values and Goals

If you want to take a deeper look at your life and start creating your own meaning, where should you begin? 

There are a couple of brainstorming approaches you can take. First, start thinking about where the most important things in your life come from. Are they extrinsic, coming from outside influences? Or are they intrinsic, coming from within yourself? 

Next, write a list of your most deeply held values – including those important things you already brainstormed about. You can get really abstract with this – remember, there is no right or wrong answer. 

Think about what brings you joy, what ideas or morals you believe are worth fighting for, and ultimately what makes your life worth living from one day to the next.

Finally, think about what you would like to accomplish in your life. Make a list of these “bucket list” goals.

What did you come up with? You might have written down things like raising children, helping others, or your career. Did you write about your passion for a particular cause? Do you have a goal to contribute to society and connect with others in a specific way? Maybe you want to support an organization for animal rights, perform community service with a marginalized population, or promote awareness for research to cure an illness that has impacted your life.

Don’t forget your own personal development, as well. When you wrote your lists, did you include friendships, partner relationships, and family bonds? What about things like hobbies, education, or physical well-being? Making healthy choices for yourself are an important part of the personal growth process that will help you form connections with the world around you and interpret it in meaningful ways. 

Further Framework

Viktor Frankl wrote Man’s Search for Meaning in 1946 after his experiences as a prisoner in Nazi concentration camps. He developed a therapeutic method for individuals to find purpose and meaning in life, and part of his method was to identify three values that he felt were the core of that meaning. Frankl’s three life values are:

Creative Value: What we create or accomplish is the gift we give to the world around us.

Experiential Value: What we receive from the world through our experiences and encounters.

Attitudinal Value: The attitudes we choose to have about bad situations that we cannot control.

Frankl believed that we can create our own meaning by giving something back to the world, by experiencing love for others, and by acknowledging our pain and loss, yet choosing to persevere even when things are difficult. Are Frankl’s life values part of the lists you wrote? 

Dr. Paul Wong also built on Frankl’s ideas to create his PURE model to help individuals find their life’s purpose and meaning. You can use it as an additional guideline to take a closer look at the way you live in relation to your values and goals. PURE stands for:

Purpose: Your life goals and what you want to accomplish.

Understanding: Yourself, the situations around you, and your life as a whole.

Responsible action: Doing the right thing, in line with your personal values.

Enjoyment and Evaluation: The happiness that comes from living your authentic purpose, and regularly checking in with yourself to make sure that you are on the right path.

Dr. Wong also adheres to several specific sources of meaning, such as achievement, self-transcendence, relationships, intimacy, and fairness. These sources can serve as the building blocks that you can use to apply the ideas in the PURE model to your own life. Did you write any of Dr. Wong’s sources on your lists?

Next Steps

Now that you have an outline to use as a starting point, get creative! Reach out and see what your community has to offer, learn new skills, choose habits that will cultivate your well-being, and foster new connections with those around you. Remember that the goal isn’t to avoid all of the pain and loss that comes with the human experience, but for each of us to live an authentic life according to our values, and to find our own meaning in the process.

Additional sources:

Center for Substance Abuse Treatment. Brief Interventions and Brief Therapies for Substance Abuse. Rockville (MD): Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (US); 1999. (Treatment Improvement Protocol (TIP) Series, No. 34.) Chapter 6 --Brief Humanistic and Existential Therapies. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK64939/

Frankl, V. E. (1984). Man's search for meaning: An introduction to logotherapy. New York: Simon & Schuster.

Wong, Paul. (2011). Positive Psychology 2.0: Towards a Balanced Interactive Model of the Good Life. Canadian Psychology/Psychologie canadienne. 52. 69-81. 10.1037/a0022511.

If you need more help with your life’s meaning give CCS Education and Wellness a call and I will be happy to work with you.

~Marika Lopez, Student Therapist

Teens are More Prone to Anxiety

The last couple of years have been stressful, and not knowing when or maybe I should say if this pandemic will ever go away has caused ever greater stress. A recent research study in the Journal of Clinical Medicine entitled, Anxiety in Older Adolescents at the Time of COVID-19 (September 2020) has demonstrated higher than usual symptoms leading to severe psychological, emotional, social, and relationship concerns. It should also be noted that teens are affected with higher rates of anxiety, with nearly 1 in 3 teens meeting the criteria for an Anxiety Disorder.

Fear is the emotion that trumps all emotions, and it sets the alarms off in our brain to take some action to protect ourselves. When that happens, we are in the “Fight, Flight or Freeze” response in our brains. When this occurs, the brain releases a ton of neurochemicals which includes hormones like adrenaline and noradrenaline, increased blood pressure, and breathing rates (increased oxygen), all to single your body at least temporary to make you more powerful, stronger, faster, more cognitively aware so you can keep yourself alive by fighting or fleeing. Our brains want us to thrive, and thus sometimes, our brain becomes overprotective. Anxiety is a normal response to the pandemic, fear, social isolation, and the virus itself. The pandemic has enforced physical distancing, isolation, less direct communication, and unpredictability. If you haven’t noticed, we humans love some consistency. 

If we think about being a teen and the developmental stages, it’s the teen’s job, if you will; to try on new social groups, values, big emotional responses, pushing away from parents (just a bit) to determine who they are, future planning and brain growth. 

The pandemic stopped the “normal flow” of being a teen.

According to an article in Penn State Social Research, Teens and Anxiety During COVID 19. 79% of teens reported not seeing friends or family in person has been the most harmful consequence of COVID. Additionally, higher rates of anxiety, negative self-talk, blame, and physical symptoms have also been reported.

Parents weren’t immune to pandemic stress; they too had to overcome pandemic anxiety and balance increased childcare needs due to school closures and financial and other health concerns. Single parents had it particularly hard as resources dried up. 

There is some good news; teens got more sleep during the pandemic, with a 14% increase in sleep overall. We turned to social media to help stay connected, and while it can’t give you a hug, we could stay connected. Many families could try new hobbies like gardening, bike riding, or cooking together. New activities make our brains happy and decrease stress. 

Tools to Learn

Have you ever heard of Mindfulness? This tool helps decrease anxiety by helping us remain in the present and not thinking of all the “what ifs” of the future. Feeling the feeling or sensation of your body and just noticing what is happening. No judgment, just notice. It’s being gentle with you. 

Jamie D. Roberts, LMFT, in her new book Mindfulness for Teen Anxiety, Describes  “Noticing The Neutral”  Since our brains are hardwired to find the negative, we must teach our brains to identify other thoughts too. She describes a quick 10-minute exercise you just notice what you’re thinking about. Are these The are main points include. 

1. Pause what you are thinking and review the day you had.

2. Notice any interactions or moments that stand out. Set them aside in your mind.

3. What occurred in between those moments? Consider the mundane and typical daily activities that do not bring up extreme feelings (either positive or negative)

Examples:

Your phone is 50% charged

Your sibling is sitting next to you

You don’t have homework

4. Are there moments that happen daily or regularly? Make a note of it?

5. If you can’t think of something, pay close attention through tomorrow and try the exercise again tomorrow.

Bottom-line, the more time we pay attention to the “okay moments,” the more we will notice that life is not all bad.

Other activities to decrease anxiety include physical exercise, laughing, finding a great movie, or spending time with friends; laughing is a physical release so exercise that funny bone, eating healthy, learning something new, and journaling have proven to help reduce anxiety. 

If anxiety still is overpowering, call us at CCS Education and Wellness to help. (951) 742-7435

Gratitude: How To Find It And How To Use It

Few things in life are free but luckily for us, gratitude is among them. The last few years have been unrecognizable with the constant change, uncertainty, and associated stressors with living during a global pandemic (If you are alive and reading my post, here is the first thing to be grateful for…think of it as a freebie ☺). 

Whether your difficulties preceded or were brought on by or during the pandemic—from health, grief and loss, depression, anxiety, stress, and financial problems, to work-related, family, and relationship issues—you are NOT alone! The important thing to remember, no matter which difficulties resonate, is that we are here for you and can help. 

Finding gratitude in your everyday can also help.

What is gratitude? The Oxford Dictionary defines gratitude as the “quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.” Gratitude “can be viewed as a wider life orientation towards noticing and being grateful for the positive in the world” (Jans-Beken et al., 2019, p. 743). Delving further, gratitude is noticing what is abundant, already present (big or small), while taking nothing for granted and appreciating the gift of and saying yes to life (Emmons & McCullough, 2003; Team, 2017). 

Why is gratitude important you ask? Over the years scientists have found a positive link between gratitude, positive emotions, health, and well-being (Jans-Beken et al., 2019). Research has shown gratitude can help make friends, improve physical and psychological health, improve sleep, boost self-esteem, reduce aggression and enhance empathy (Oppland, 2022). With this realization, interventions soon were developed to assist anyone who was interested in finding what they have to be grateful for in their lives, from gratitude journaling to meditation, there is something for everyone (Jans-Beken et al., 2019; Oppland, 2022).

Gratitude journaling consists of writing about things, people, pets, places, acts, and/or events you feel grateful for (Jans-Beken et al., 2019). Doing so at least once a week is a great way to begin your practice. You can do this in a notebook, a note on your phone, on your computer, or even share (and perhaps inspire others) on your social media. There are no rules, you can journal several times a week or daily if you like. 

Another way to begin your practice is to get a jar (or any vessel you prefer), write on paper what you are grateful for, and put it inside (Oppland, 2022). Many suggest writing three things on the paper from your day or week, but you could have one thing one day and five the next. If you do not want to put your paper in a jar, you could create a gratitude tree, a flower, a collage, or whatever you desire (Oppland, 2022). 

If writing and artsy projects are not your cups of tea, then I suggest trying meditation. Find a quiet spot where you can sit or lay down, whichever is most comfortable. You can set a timer; I suggest somewhere between 3-5 minutes. Focus on how your body feels and your breath as you breathe in and out. With gratitude meditation, you visualize what you are grateful for in your life, including your body’s current abilities (i.e. breathing, having the arm strength to propel your wheelchair, sight, etc.). Your mind will most likely wander, show yourself some grace and return to your mediation.

Whatever path you chose, have some fun while finding your gratitude, however, please keep in mind that in order to become good at anything, you must practice, and finding gratitude in your day is no different. Most everyone gets swept up in society’s bigger, better, faster, newer mindset whether it be with cell phones, cars, houses, or body enhancements…you get my drift. However, in your gratitude practice do not be surprised if you find contentment in what you already possess. Your cell phone may not be the newest version, but you are grateful to have one, that it works, and can use it to communicate with your friends and family. Your significant other may not look as new as they once did, but you appreciate your time together, the lines on their face from your shared laughter, and being alive. Today, whether you are on top of the world or in your darkest hour, I encourage you to recognize/see/find one thing in your life for which you are grateful <3 and remember we are here for you. 


-Kristen

“Great things are done by a series of small things brought together” - Vincent Van Gogh

My name is Kristen (she/her) and I am an MSW Student Intern here at CCS. I have over 15 years of experience working in adult and child welfare and dealing with the Criminal, Family Law and Juvenile Court systems. Throughout my years of experience working with families, I have encountered all ages, genders, and a variety of cultures dealing with substance abuse, domestic violence, and abuse and neglect issues. Please note, I am only English-speaking. 

You are doing a great thing by considering counseling! Nothing frightens or embarrasses me and I offer a safe, judgment-free environment. Together we can create the change you seek. To set up an appointment please call, 951-778-0230. 

References:

Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377.

Jans-Beken, L., Jacobs, N., Janssens, M., Peeters, S., Reijnders, J., Lechner, L., & Lataster, J. (2019). Gratitude and health: An updated review. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 15(6), 743–782. https://doi.org/10.1080/17439760.2019.1651888

Oppland, B. M. A. (2022, February 7). 13 Most Popular Gratitude Exercises & Activities. PositivePsychology.Com. https://positivepsychology.com/gratitude-exercises/

Team, T. G. (2017, November 2). What is Gratitude? Gratefulness.Org. https://gratefulness.org/resource/what-is-gratitude/

For The Love of Fido: Pets and Your Mental Health

Happy National Walk The Dog Day! Make sure to give the pups a little extra walkies time today. The benefits of owning a dog (or any pet) are well documented. Reduction in high blood pressure, increased immunity, manageable cholesterol levels, and a lowered risk of heart disease are just a few of the physical health benefits that Fido and Fluffy bring to your life.

The mental health bennies are even more profound. Studies suggest that owning a pet can reduce stress, decrease anxiety, help manage depression, and boost your mood. The day-to-day care of a pet can contribute to an increase in physical activity, long recognized as a healthy part of managing both physical and mental health. Doing so also gives you something to wake up and get out of bed for! 

Caring for a pet takes patience, diligence, mindfulness, and persistence. You’ll need to do research to determine how to set up the proper environment, the most nutritious food, and how to support your pet’s health. Doing the work of caring for another can give a sense of purpose and meaning to your life. Hanging out with your pet is a powerful remedy for loneliness, and their unconditional love and appreciation can be warm comfort to an aching heart.

It is said that people who struggle with depression have problems letting go of the past, and those who suffer from anxiety fear the future. Pets are a study in mindfulness, or the practice of remaining in the present. Enjoying bonding time, play time, or hand taming of your pet encourages you to live in the moment, to allow yourself the joy of the day, and to connect with the little being who seeks your love and attention. The practice of mindfulness is a frequent treatment intervention for such mental health struggles as PTSD, generalized anxiety disorder, and major depressive disorder. Plus, playing with your pet is just plain fun! Walking your dog can encourage you to get out in nature and soak up some sunshine, which significantly reduces depressive symptoms. Waving a play wand for your cat gets you moving about, great for easing pain and reducing anxiety. Feeding and maintaining your pet’s physical appearance is satisfying and rewarding, as you can immediately see the benefits of your work in their happy demeanor and shiny coat/fins/scales/feathers.

Let’s not leave out the kids! Owning, working with, or engaging in therapy with animals has been shown to help children with emotional development and regulation. A study conducted with children living with autism showed that having a class pet helped them develop important social skills; increased their ability to relate to their classmates; decreased instances of emotional overwhelm and behavioral outbursts; and significantly reduced their stress levels. Teens who own and care for pets typically struggle less with social anxiety, isolation, and low self-esteem. Grieving children with pets seem to process their grief more readily than children without pets.

Whether they have fur, fins, scales, or wings, having a pet can help you manage your mental health. If you cannot own a pet, consider other ways to get into contact with animals: dog walking/pet sitting, volunteering at an animal shelter or rescue organization, or helping a friend or family member care for their own pet. Do some research to find the best pet for your energy level, interest, and lifestyle. You can learn more about ways of managing your mental health in session with me or any of the wonderful therapists at Central Counseling Services. Call to book an appointment today!

~Alexia

10 Ways Pet Support Mental Health. (2018, June 1). Retrieved from the Newport Academy website: https://www.newportacademy.com/resources/well-being/pets-and-mental-health/ 

“Life knocks us down sometimes, and when that happens, we can all use a hand getting back up.

It’s my honor and privilege to be a helping hand when you are in need. 

I provide gentle guidance, an empathetic ear, and a safe, non-judgmental space to work through issues that make life difficult. I specialize in treating anxiety, depression, and struggles with trauma, especially as related to substance use/abuse (yours or a loved one’s), military service, and family troubles. In therapy, we will explore safe, effective coping mechanisms to help you manage life; examine and refine your self-care; and process those issues that cause you difficulty. Remember that you are the expert of your own life, so we will work together to find solutions that fit you best."

Alexia is also EMDR Trained.