The loss of a pet

The bond shared by humans and their animals is indescribable. The grief resulting from their loss profound. What is it about these wet nosed and furry pawed creatures that touch us so deeply? Is it their ability to without words communicate genuineness and gratitude? Is it their ability to lower our inhibitions or perhaps their silliness that lifts our spirit?

Minnie the Therapy Yorkie

I have the privilege to work along Minnie the therapy Yorkie. Her presence in client sessions is invaluable particularly when working with traumatized clients. As my pet, she brings me joy and laughter. She’s always there waiting at attention to see if I will toss the ball or play chase. She’s such a goofball, but don’t let her diminutive size fool you, she’s a terrier, a hunter and my guardian angel. Minnie is also my rainbow fur baby. Many years before her, I had Lolita a beautiful apple head tea cup chihuahua.

Lolita was my soul mate.  When she died, a piece of me died too. Till this day when I talk about her my eyes well up. What made her so special was how empathic she was. When I was sad she was sad, when I was happy so was she. After her death I was unable to connect with any other dog and didn’t think I would have another as a pet, her loss and my grief were too deep. What made the difference as I grieved her was the support of understanding friends.

Many pet parents suffer the loss of a beloved pet alone and in silence due to the embarrassment of acknowledging the impact pets have in our lives. Many pets have long lifespans of over 20 years or more!  The grief resulting from the loss of a pet is not to be taken lightly and it should be no cause for embarrassment.

Many pet parents schedule their day around their pets’ routines, we socialize, exercise and depend on them for assistance with medical issues and emotional issues. Other animals we form bonds with include service animals, dogs who are part of law enforcement, search and rescue teams and military dogs trained for special missions. There are even dogs who are companions for other wild animals to aid in the wild animal’s conservation. Their value and impact in our lives should not be underestimated.

Acknowledging the significance of the loss of your pet and its impact in your life moves you toward working through the grief. Finding supportive persons are not only sounding boards, they are often like-minded individuals who have mourned a pet and can direct you to resources to help fill the voids left by the loss. The following list compiled by Best Friends Animal Society has resources that may be helpful when dealing with pet loss. They include hotlines, support groups, websites, web pages, web articles and books.

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by Susana Anaya-Baca, LCSW

If you are having issues with grief, anxiety, panic and depression, Minnie and I, are here to help. We at Central Counseling Services Murrieta, look forward to journey with you on your path to mental wellness. For appointments, I may be contacted at 951-778-0230. We are located at 29970 Technology Drive #116 Murrieta, CA 92563.

Susana Anaya-Baca, LCSW joined Central Counseling Services as a therapist in 2018. She is a graduate of California State University Long Beach School of Social Work where she earned her Master in Social Work with a concentration in older adults and families (OAF). She is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW#69056) and is licensed to practice psychotherapy in California since 2015. She is fluent in Spanish.

Ms. Anaya-Baca has experience working with a wide range of individuals and settings. Prior to entering private practice, she practiced as a clinical medical social worker with individuals and families facing life-limiting illness in the area of home health, palliative care and hospice. Susana is a member of the National Association of Social Workers.

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MEDICAL EMERGENCY
If you have a medical emergency, call your doctor or 911 immediately

All information, content, and material are for informational purposes only and are not intended to serve as a substitute for the consultation, diagnosis, and/or medical treatment of a qualified physician or healthcare provider. The information provided is not intended to recommend the self-management of health problems or wellness. It is not intended to endorse or recommend any particular type of medical treatment. Should any reader have any health care related questions, promptly call or consult your physician or healthcare provider. The information presented should not be used by any reader to disregard medical and/or health related advice or provide a basis to delay consultation with a physician or a qualified healthcare provider. You should not use any information presented to initiate use of dietary supplements, vitamins, herbal and nutritional products or homeopathic medicine, and other described products prior to consulting first with a physician or healthcare provider. Susana Anaya-Baca, LCSW disclaims any liability based on information provided.

2019 Do You Need a Change?

I noticed a lot of clients talked about changes they would like to make for 2019, but they did not have a starting point on how to make them happen. This led me to make a list of top 10 don’ts to begin 2019 on the right foot. This will allow you to unleash your potential, be open to allow positive changes to unfold and overall improve your life.  This is what we all want…right? Do remember that we are all works in progress, do not be disappointed in you if you can’t stay on track. Just keep trying and eventually you can do it. I see my clients making very small changes that lead to a large positive impact. Small changes are easier to do and stick with over time. Also make sure you do only one or two at a time as doing to many at one time can set you up to fail, however, by incorporating some of these changes in your daily routines you will see the change you desire. I hope you have the best year ever.

1. Don't be afraid to follow your dreams. Dream big!

2. Don't be a people pleaser.

3. Don't spend time with the wrong people.

4. Don't gossip about others.

5. Don't live a life that others expect of you, live a life true to you.

6. Don't start pointless drama because of your personal insecurities.

7. Don't do anything that doesn't feel right.

8. Don't be afraid to spend time alone.

9. Don't compare yourself to others. You are only in competition with you

10. Don't hold onto things you can’t control.

If these seem a bit too hard, I can help you develop a plan and help you stick to it. That is what therapy is for to help you with the hard stuff. Remember I believe in you. If you would like to work with me or one of my fantastic colleagues give me call. 2019 is too important to feel stuck.  

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by Regina Kennedy, LMFT

I became a therapist because I want to help people who want to change their lives. I am a compassionate, direct and interactive therapist. I value optimism, truth, and authenticity.

My therapeutic approach is warm, but always direct and honest to provide support and practical feedback to help clients effectively address their treatment goals. I offer a highly personalized approach, tailored to each client's unique needs. My specialties include working with Adults, children and adolescents, families, crisis intervention, and substance abuse. I am Certified as a Substance Abuse Counselor.

Surviving the Holidays with Anxiety

According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, 40 million people (18%) in the Unites States experience an anxiety disorder in any given year. The rates of anxiety are increasing in children and it is believed that 8% of children are now experiencing anxiety prior to the age of 18. It is the most commonly diagnosed mental health disorder with approximately 1/3 of those struggling with anxiety receiving treatment.

For those with anxiety, the holidays can seem very overwhelming. There are many reasons why this might be the case. Holidays increase the number of tasks required (shopping, cooking, gift giving, preparing the home for guests, less time for physical fitness, etc.) for someone who is already trying to manage day to day life. For those who brave shopping in overcrowded stores, this can present as a trigger all of its own. In addition, holidays can present as a yearly reminder of lost loved ones, changes in families caused by divorce or separation, and can add to already existing financial stressors.

I am sure the first thought must be, how can I add something to my already crazy daily schedule when I am struggling already? If you already experience anxiety and this is speaking to you, I would like to share with you the benefits of including mindfulness into your day with some ideas that can be incorporated in 5-10 minutes or less. I have shared some of these ideas with my clients in sessions and have heard back that they were helpful. I hope that some of the 5 ideas listed below are helpful to you as well.

• Close your eyes. Take one deep breath in through your nose, hold for a count of three, and release your breath in an audible sigh. Repeat three times, open your eyes, and return to your day. This breath work can be especially helpful for helping to slow an increased heart rate that is often a symptom of anxiety. If shopping in crowded stores is a trigger for you, this exercise may be used in public places too, but perhaps with eyes open.

• Gentle yoga stretching can offer some relief from muscle tension often associated with anxiety. You needn’t be an experienced yogi to stretch and get benefits, nor does this require a large amount of flexibility. A gentle bending position (you can touch your toes if you like, but if your body does not bend that far, it is ok to not touch them) called forward fold can help reset your breath. As in the first exercise, breathe in through your nose and release through the mouth. Another stretch called “legs at the wall” can be a good relaxation stretch as well. In this stretch, you lie on your back with your bottom up against the wall and your legs resting against the wall. It does not matter if they are flat against the wall. If your hamstrings are tight, this would be uncomfortable, so feel free to give yourself as much space as you need. Both of these stretches are inversion stretches, which means your head is below heart and they are known for inducing relaxation. As in the first exercise, breathe in through your nose and release through the mouth. You might even pay attention to the rise and fall of your chest while you are breathing, and center all of your thoughts there. Take your time getting up from forward fold. Also, for legs at that wall, turn to your right side and pause for a minute or two before pulling back up to a standing position. It is important to take this moment to allow the blood in your body to return to its normal rhythm and lessen any possibility of feeling lightheaded.

• Body scanning can be a great way to identify where you are storing your stress and anxiety in your body. You can scan in a sitting or lying down, whichever you prefer. If it helps, turn off the lights, and close your eyes. Quiet, instrumental music can be helpful in screening out any outside noise for some people. Begin with your head and pay attention to any sensation. Mentally travel from the top of your head down your forehead, to your cheekbones, down the back of your head and note any sensation. Pay close attention to anything that feels like tension or discomfort. You can maintain a gentle breathing pattern in through your nose and out through your mouth as you travel down your body. Continue until you make your way through your torso, your arms, hands, fingers, upper legs, lower legs, feet, and toes.

• Use guided visualization to allow your mind to take you somewhere that you typically find a relaxing place. For some, this can be the sounds of the waves crashing at the beach, for others, a wooded landscape, and still others a comfortable place in the home. Close your eyes, picture yourself there, and think of the other sensations you might encounter there that bring you relaxation. It might be a salty sea breeze, or the smell of pines in the forest. As with the other exercises, allow your breath to fall into a gentle movement. You might pair it to the movement in your imagery.

• Lastly, gratitude journaling can offer a nice alternative for replacing thoughts that are often centered on stressors. You may find this is easiest to do first thing in the morning (in which case, you might reflect on your previous day) or just before bedtime or even sometime in between these times. The goal is to center your thoughts on something positive about your day, and write it down. It can be anything. It might be a nice smell from the garden, a hug from a friend, a compliment from a stranger, or even a cuddle from a pet. If you really enjoy this exercise, you can add to your list. I enjoy making a list of 3, but this is completely up to you.
  

If you continue to have anxiety symptoms after the holidays it may be time to seek professional help. Central Counseling Services invites you to contact them to set-up an appointment to talk to Colleen or another caring therapist by calling (951) 778-0230. We have two locations, Riverside and Murrieta to serve you.

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By Colleen Duggin, LCSW

Colleen Duggin, LCSW has vast experience working with children and families. She is an expert with families and children dealing with Anxiety, ADHD, Autism, and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. Colleen feels it’s an honor to help parents and children restore control, peace and calmness back into the family. She is a believer that there are no excuses to not have control of your life.

Self-Care

As a licensed therapist I noticed a lot of my clients were perplexed when I asked them about their self-care practices.  That led me to write this blog. Neglecting yourself doesn't make you better at caring for others, self-care does. It gives you the resilience and positivity necessary to pour into others without acrimony and antipathy.  Usually self-care brings up thoughts of extravagant vacations or spa days. I'm here to tell you that self-care is much easier than that.

Self-care is:

1. Getting a good night’s sleep restores cognitive functions.

2. Stop trying to please everyone.

3. Setting boundaries and knowing that you are setting boundaries to protect yourself and not to benefit others.

4. Exercising at least 3 days a week improves happiness.

5. Eat well. Carbohydrates aid in the release of endorphins.

6. Laugh more, it strengthens the immune system and boosts energy.

7. Learn to sit with yourself, reading, watching Netflix, or listen to music.

8. Disengage from toxic people and relationships.

9. Cut out words or pictures from a magazine, write about the meaning to you in a journal.  Example a picture of a 2019 Lexus, this is my future car. Dream!

10. Take time at the end of your day and write down what you’re grateful for.

I bet if you think about it you may have self-care skills that you do include in your life; sometimes. I am encouraging you to include self-care daily. Write down a few that your really enjoy. Maybe it’s that hot bath with lots of bubbles or that morning run. It doesn’t matter what you choose, it only matters that you do.

If you are having difficulty with your self-care or need help with other problems that are getting in the way of your self-care, call me or one of the therapists on my team and let’s begin the most important work for you.

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by Regina Kennedy, LMFT

I became a therapist because I want to help people who want to change their lives. I am a compassionate, direct and interactive therapist. I value optimism, truth, and authenticity.

My therapeutic approach is warm, but always direct and honest to provide support and practical feedback to help clients effectively address their treatment goals. I offer a highly personalized approach, tailored to each client's unique needs. My specialties include working with Adults, children and adolescents, families, crisis intervention, and substance abuse. I am Certified as a Substance Abuse Counselor.

You too Can Create a Healthier Brain

When I was growing up the general thought was that you had a finite number of brain cells and once, they died, that was it, there was no hope for your brain to regenerate. But in the last decade, research has found those old ideas are simply incorrect. There is real hope that there are many things that we can do to create a healthier brain, even if we have made poor choices earlier in life. So, how does that work? Through something called Neuroplasticity. Neuro-plas-ti-city

Neuroplasticity is the lifelong ability of the brain to create new neural pathways based on new experiences. Contrary to previous assumptions, in recent years, neuroscientists have discovered that the human brain continues to have the ability to create new neural pathways into adulthood. Below are some highlights about how neuroplasticity works in the brain.

• When does neuroplasticity occur in the brain?

• At the beginning of life: when the immature brain organizes itself.

• In case of brain injury: to compensate for lost functions or maximize remaining functions.

• Throughout adulthood: whenever something new is learned and memorized

• Neuroplasticity has a clear age-dependent determinant.

• Although plasticity occurs over an individual’s lifetime, different types of plasticity dominate during certain periods of one’s life and are less prevalent during other periods.

• Neuroplasticity occurs in the brain under two primary conditions:

• During normal brain development when the immature brain first begins to process sensory information through adulthood (developmental plasticity and plasticity of learning and memory).

• As an adaptive mechanism to compensate for lost function and/or to maximize remaining functions in the event of a brain injury.

• The environment plays a key role in influencing plasticity.

• In addition to genetic factors, the brain is shaped by the characteristics of a person's environment and by the actions of that same person.

Another factor that impacts brain regeneration is neurogenesis. Neurogenesis is the birth of new neuronal cells. Recent research demonstrates that neurogenesis continues into and throughout adult life. Ongoing neurogenesis is thought to be an important mechanism in neuronal plasticity. New techniques will be able to direct neurogenesis in other areas of the brain. This would enable the brain to repair damage and enhance mental functioning.

New neurons in the human brain have been found in the ventricles of the forebrain as well as the hippocampus. The cells that become neurons travel to the olfactory bulbs. Researchers have speculated that neurogenesis occurs in the hippocampus since this area is so important in memory and learning. Other researchers have attempted to discover if neurogenesis occurs in other areas of the brain and spinal cord but have not yet found conclusive evidence to support this hypothesis.

There are several factors that impact neurogenesis, including physical activity, environmental conditions and even hormones/neurotransmitters. Here is a brief explanation of these factors and how they affect neurogenesis.

• Physical activity

  • Has been shown to affect proliferation and survival of neurons.

• Environmental conditions

  • Increase neurogenesis and neuronal survival has been shown in crayfish raised in an enriched environment when compared to siblings raised in an impoverished environment.

  • Hormones

  • Estradial and testosterone have been shown to influence the rate of neurogenesis.

  • Serotonin was found to affect the survival of neurons. Serotonin helps to synaptic connections in the cortex and hippocampus.

  • Lack of serotonin in the hippocampus has been associated with such disorders such as depression, schizophrenia and Alzheimer’s disease.

So, why would regular exercise, being in an enriched environment (physically nourishing and mentally stimulating) and the presence (or absence) of certain neurotransmitters impact the brains’ ability to generate new cells?

In his book “The Brain That Changes Itself: Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science”, Norman Doidge discusses the case of a surgeon in his 50’s who suffered a stroke. The surgeon’s left arm was left paralyzed. During his rehabilitation, his good arm and hand were immobilized, and the doctor is set to cleaning tables. The task is at first impossible. Then slowly the bad arm remembers how to move. He learns to write again; and then to play tennis. The functions of the brain areas killed in the stroke ultimately transfer themselves to healthy regions!

His brain eventually compensates for the damaged areas by reorganizing and forming new connections between intact neurons. In order to reconnect, the neurons need to be stimulated through activity. The use of activity is one of the most important directions that therapeutic intervention for brain injury has ventured in the past decade. As horrible as the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan have been, one of the positive outcomes is the discovery of using activity as a therapeutic tool to recover from traumatic brain injury.

If you would like to learn more about neuroplasticity, here is a link to a fascinating video on neuroplasticity and how different conditions can affect neural pathways. What do you think about the prospects of neuroplasticity and what this means in terms of what we once thought about the death of brain cells?

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By Lisa Tobler, LMFT

Lisa Tobler, LMFT passion is in helping people recover from traumatic events.  She has advanced training in EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing) to treat trauma and EFT (Emotion Focused Therapy) to assist couples to heal their relationship.

10 Steps to Better Sleep

We all know that a good night’s sleep can make you feel like a million buck. Sleep provides us with energy, cell regeneration, keeps our body and mind strong and can even help us lose weight. We all at times have nights when we just do not get enough sleep. However, when not sleeping or poorly sleeping becomes the norm, it's time to take some action. Here are ten steps you can do today to help increase your sleep.

1. Music can help you sleep by encouraging relaxation. Look for music that has 60-80 beats per minute. Start with songs that are 80 beats per minute and end with songs 60 beats per minutes. Look for songs with steady rhythms that make you feel good. 
   

2. Keep your bedroom cool to 68 degrees or cooler. Sleeping in a cooler room is linked to deeper sleep and decreased insomnia. 
   

3. Bedrooms should be dark to allow for deeper sleep. Your brain releases more sleeping hormones when the room is dark.
   

4. Avoid naps if you have sleeping problems. Taking a nap can be refreshing but if you have disrupted sleep napping can have a negative effect.
   

5. Avoid blue light. Blue like tricks the body into thinking its daylight. Blue light is emitted by tech devices like smartphones, computers and TVs. Turning off these devices about an hour to 2 hours before bed will allow your body to create more melatonin the relax/sleep hormone.
   

6. Ditch the coffee. Coffee has caffeine and while caffeine can help with energy boosts, focus and sports performance drinking it late in the day can prevent you from relaxing. Caffeine elevates the blood for 6-8 hours.
   

7. Don’t drink alcohol especially right before bed. Alcohol is known to reduce melatonin production, increase sleep apnea, snoring and unsettling sleep patterns. 
   

8. Get Wet. Taking a warm bath or shower can help you relax and enhance sleep.
   

9. Get regular exercise. Exercise helps keep our body on schedule which helps with or sleep wake time.
   

10. Like the ocean? On YouTube you will find hours of relaxing waves sounds some even include seagulls. Here is one I enjoy when I can’t sleep. Sleepy Ocean Sounds (8hrs)

If you still are having sleep problems, please see your physician to rule out any physical concerns. A therapist can also help you by eliminating worrisome thoughts, teaching you deep relaxation and meditation techniques. Call today for a better night’s sleep.

“Positive Approach to Brain Change” with Teepa Snow

As an occupational therapist with 40 years of clinical practice, Teepa Snow is one of the leading educators on dementia and the care that comes with it.

My colleague and I had the privilege of attending a whole day seminar with her recently in Claremont, and were very impressed with all the information provided.  Not only is Mrs. Snow very knowledgeable about the decline in brain functioning of people with dementia, I was personally intrigued by her practical tips about how to take care of people with dementia in a respectful way.  Something as simple as ‘Greet before you treat’, can go such a long way.  The same with ‘asking your client/patient for permission’ before starting to touch them, adjusting their clothing, etc.

Teepa Snow is very direct in her approach in teaching others, so at times I was a little startled with her directness, but she made sure we understood her message, no doubt about that.

We were reminded that all humans have 5 basic needs:

• Nourishment and drink/liquids

• Wake/sleep cycle

• Elimination (in every sense: sweat, saliva, snot, pee and poop)

• Seeking comfort

• Being pain free

So when people with dementia ‘act out’, they probably are in need of one of the basic needs but have trouble communicating what it is exactly they need since ‘their brain is dying’.  One of Mrs. Snow’s many tips was to repeat what the patient/client says since they are unable to talk and listen to themselves.  When a caregiver repeats, they are able to agree or correct their message.

It is important to understand that dementia is not only a memory problem, there are many changes in structural and chemical function because the brain is failing.  Another example/tip from Mrs. Snow was not to stand in front of the patient/client but rather to their side.  Mrs. Snow explained the reason: the patient/client’s vision has changed to tunnel vision (pretend to look into binoculars with your hands in front of your eyes), and when standing in front of the patient/client, they can feel blocked in (no way to escape), which might result in some physical altercation.

We were fortunate to learn first handed from an expert.  Hopefully you can find some tips in this article.

You can find more info and some educational (link to) video’s at: http://teepasnow.com/

For extra support as caregiver, you can always attend our Dementia Support Group, each Third Saturday of the month at Pacifica Senior Living, 6280 Clay St. in Riverside, CA. If you would like to talk more, or in need of individual counseling, please don’t hesitate to contact our office Central Counseling Services (951) 778-0230. We have counselors available 7 days a week in two locations (Riverside and Murrieta). 

By Ilse Aerts, LPC

Any struggles you might have today, you don’t have to conquer them alone.  My personal, professional and volunteer experience will help shine a different light on your struggles of grief and loss, parenting struggles, life’s challenges.  Coming from a different culture myself, I understand the adjusting challenges you might come across (different rules and expectations, different language,...).  By offering guidance and support, together we can rediscover your own inner strength to work through those challenges.

I look forward to meet people of all cultural background, beliefs and ages on Tuesday and Thursdays.

I earned my Master degree in Clinical Psychology from Vrije Universiteit Brussel.  I am a member of California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists and California Association for Licensed Professional Clinical Counselors.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life, let’s make it…… (great/worthwhile/count/awesome/wonderful) ....... it’s up to you.

"The Martial Therapist"

I got home that night full of bruises, tired as hell, and I noticed a growing pain in my wrist…

Have you ever just woken up in the morning and decided, “No, not today”. Well if you’re like me, then that happens more often than you’d like. I think at some point that happens to all of us. We just wake up and for whatever reason (you could be tired, stressed, lonely, overwhelmed, hungry, etc.) you decide that today is just not going to be your day and there’s nothing anyone or anything can do to turn it around. The funny thing about those days is that they tend to come out of nowhere (Ugh, so frustrating!) and the feelings that come along with those days tend to grow out of control quickly. I want to tell you about one of my bad days so that I can (hopefully) show you how I was able to turn it around.

I’m a therapist that practices Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or CBT for short. So I’m basically equipped to handle any situation…good, I’m glad you caught the sarcasm there! But in all seriousness, I make my living showing people that they have the ability to help themselves feel better by teaching them simple tools and strategies. So it’s obvious that I should be perfect at doing those things, too…right? Well I won’t keep you in suspense any longer. I’m not as good as I would like to be. The cool thing about being a therapist is that I am trained how to use all of these wonderful self-help tools, so when I end up not using those tools myself, I get to add an extra serving of guilt to my day. Remember, no matter how hard your therapist works for you, they are working just as hard making sure they have their personal life in order as well. In essence, they have to put on their oxygen mask on before assisting you with yours!

Well that morning, I did not feel like getting up and going to work. I thought to myself, “How the hell am I supposed to help anyone when I feel like this?”. I was slow in every step of my morning routine. I slept in until I absolutely had to get up. I took too long on the toilet. I lingered in the shower…you get where I’m going with this. I did NOT want to do anything and my behavior was telling me as much. Often, when we are feeling off, our behavior will change in subtle (or sometimes not-so-subtle) ways. I we can clue ourselves into these changes, we have the chance to head off the storm! My response was “Screw that”. I was feeling crappy and I wanted to! I knew in my mind that I was doing things to keep myself low, but I just wanted to feel low for a bit and forget all of my training as a therapist. The problem is that little voice in the back of my head nagging me to stop being such a hypocrite. I wondered to myself as I was taking way too long to pack my lunch, “If I was my own client what would I do to help solve this problem?”

The answer is frustratingly simple. Two words…Behavioral Activation. This terribly simple concept can solve so many issues. But when we need it most, it’s the last thing we want to use. Ridiculous, I know. What is Behavioral Activation? Translated into human speech, Behavioral Activation boils down to this…

 If you’re feeling crappy, do more stuff and you won’t feel as crappy.

                                                                OR

When you engage your body and mind in pleasurable activities, you tend to feel better.

So I did what any begrudging therapist who is aware of their own self-sabotage would do, I made a plan to go beat up my friends that night after work.

I know what you’re thinking (Okay, maybe I don’t really know). But you might be thinking that I’m nuts for saying that and that maybe I should be reevaluating my profession for having these thoughts. I swear, things will make sense soon. You see, every week I go to a self-defense martial arts class that teaches me to use my body as a lethal weapon in case I ever find myself surrounded by some seriously menacing dudes who want to beat me up. I go to the gym and spend two hours every session using my body in ways that I would never dream of using toward another person in my outside life. But for those two hours when I’m in class with the rest of my group, I am free from everything that weighs me down. Let me give you a taste of what a normal session looks like.

We start out by partnering up and hardening our bodies by striking each other on our arms, legs, and stomachs. This is so we can get used to the pain of getting hit by another person. Then we do some light warm up exercises, you know practicing how to apply a choke for maximum effect or which body parts provide the least resistance to breaking. You know, normal, typical, everyday kinda stuff. After that, we usually train some new way to apply pain as a defensive strategy. After that we do some intensive aerobic and strength exercises to make sure that we’re good and tired for the night and so that our bodies will feel something if the hitting somehow didn’t do it.

Now you might be thinking, is that what all therapists do to relieve tension? Do they all just want to hurt other people? No…at least not me. Here’s the thing, when I go to these classes, I am completely free from everything that bothers me. It’s hard to worry about your day when you’re dodging a punch. I can’t be thinking about my stressors and be effective in my fight at the same time, so the stress just has to go. When I go to class, I train with other people who are there to get better and have similar interests to me. I have built a network of friends that are motivated to work hard and are glad for me when I improve. I consider myself lucky to have these people in my life. Each time I go I am working toward something bigger than me and using my body to the point of exhaustion so that when I’m done, I have nothing left but the satisfaction of a job well done (and a few extra bruises and scrapes).

That morning I noticed my behavior had changed, I was mindful of how my thinking was keeping me down, and felt the sting of knowing that I could do something about it. I decided that I would go train that night even harder than normal because I needed to get out of my funk. I messaged my group ( so they could hold me accountable if I didn’t go) and exercised my body and mind.

I got home that night full of bruises, tired as hell, and I noticed a growing pain in my wrist…

…but the only thing I had the energy to do was smile to myself and say “You did it”.

9 Signs Therapy Is Actually Working

Experts break down what progress looks like.

Nicole Pajer On Assignment For HuffPost

eek after week, you may walk into your therapist’s office and pour out your anxieties, hopes and dreams, or you might cry or get angry. Does any of this mean the process is actually working?

According to experts, there are definite signs that show you’re on the right track. If you are experiencing any of the following, it may be safe to say that your weekly counseling sessions are paying off:

1. You’ll look forward to your therapy appointments

Revealing your innermost thoughts in a session can be daunting. But if you get to the place where opening up becomes more comfortable, you may have experienced some breakthroughs, according to Rachel Dubrow, a licensed clinical social worker in Northfield, Illinois. Dubrow said her clients often make the connection that their treatment is working when they no longer feel nervous before appointments.

“They also tell me that they start to feel lighter and better after a session,” she said.

2. You’re not as “in your head”

“I’ve had clients tell me that when they begin to feel better, they aren’t as ‘in their heads’ anymore,” said Christy Doering, a therapist with Sage Counseling in Plano, Texas.

According to Doering, constant rumination over anxieties, listening to your “inner critic” or berating yourself for past regrets takes up valuable real estate in the brain.

“When people start to get well, they give that space to something better. It’s often a new appreciation for the present moment, or more interaction with family and coworkers, but it builds upon itself and contributes to overall wellness pretty quickly,” she said.

3. You’re having fun again

Anhedonia ― which is the inability to experience pleasure from activities that people used to find enjoyable ― is one of the hallmark symptoms of mood disorders like depression.

“If a person loves to sew, fix cars, read or exercise, then when he or she is depressed, those things will stop bringing joy,” Doering said. “But when people are improving, they will one day wake up and realize they feel like doing those things again, and often those things bring even more joy than they did in the past. It’s like having a stomach virus and feeling like you will never want to eat again, but then after it’s over, everything tastes wonderful.”

4. You are focusing on the present

“Instead of worrying about whether or not your first grader will get into college ... or feeling guilty over enjoying that bagel you had for breakfast, you are being mindful of the here and now and tending to the things you are in control of at the moment,” said Kayce Hodos, a licensed professional counselor in Wake Forest, North Carolina.

So rather than stressing about the future, you are focusing on work tasks, listening to a friend over margaritas, taking a walk on your lunch break or enjoying your favorite band’s new album.

5. You’ve changed your standards on who you swipe right for on Tinder

Sheri Heller, a New York City-based psychotherapist, noted that effective therapy may make you shift your focus toward more stable partners. Additionally, it may help you seek out healthier friendships and romantic partnerships.

“As clients work through core wounds rooted in relational traumas and betrayals, their healing is evidenced in using discernment and discrimination with who they bring into their lives,” she said. “Often these new partnerships are completely contrary to the sort of toxic traits they found themselves gravitating toward in the past.”

6. Self-care becomes a priority

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According to Hodos, noticing that you are beginning to pay attention to yourself is a great sign of improvement. This could be as simple as booking a weekly massage, journaling about your thoughts and feelings or asking your boss for that overdue raise.

“Regardless of how it shows up for you, you are positively including some much-needed self-care in your routine, and a bonus is you are enjoying it with no, or at least less, guilt,” she said.

7. You’ve started applying your therapist’s suggestions ― and they’re working

“I know that therapy is working for my clients when they are able to transfer what we have been working on in the therapy room to their lives,” said Sheralyn Shockey-Pope, co-founder of Central Counseling Services.

She cited a couple on the brink of divorce that she treated as an example. “They began to come into sessions with statements like, ‘I remembered that he was hurting, too, and when things got too intense at home we took a timeout, just like we did in therapy,’” she said.

Dubrow agrees, adding that she loves seeing patients gain a sense of pride over properly applying techniques she has armed them with. “They’ll come back and report that what they did felt challenging at first but that they were successful in the end,” she said.

8. You may start to go backwards

It sounds counterintuitive, but it’s true.

“As you work on dismantling old, unhealthy thought patterns and coping habits, feelings of distress and unwanted behaviors sometimes have a surge before they go away,” said Rachel Kazez, a Chicago-area licensed clinical social worker. “Without those things masking the feelings, people might feel stronger and urges to act in unwanted ways might feel stronger or more necessary.”

Jenmarie Eadie, a licensed clinical social worker in Upland, California agreed, adding that anger in a session is a perfectly valid ― and sometimes wanted ― emotion.

“For me, a sign therapy is working is when the client gets mad at me,” Eadie said. “It’s usually because he [or] she is working through the issues with a safe person who won’t retaliate, dismiss, or abuse his [or] her emotions. For my kid clients, this usually means a crayon or two is going to be thrown my way!”

9. You realize you are only responsible for your problems

“It becomes clear to you which problems are actually yours to own and which ones you’ve been taking on that have nothing to do with you,” Hodos said.

For instance, you might learn to lovingly support your husband and listen to his job complaints without frantically updating his resume for him, or you proactively text your mom to let her know you will not be available for your usual Tuesday night chat, sans guilt.

Therapy is a very personalized journey and what works for some is different than what may benefit others. But any of the above changes signify you’re headed down the right path. 

Am I a Fraud? How To Stop Anxiety from Taking Over.

This Is What I Know

Episode 1 – DECEMBER 4, 2017

LOL… I sat down to express myself and stared at the laptop screen for… well… a while.  I’m calling this venture “This Is What I Know” and nothing was coming out!  Soooo… does that mean I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING?   What if that’s the case??  I REALLY don’t like the idea of disappointing, or coming up short, or screwing up, or bombing out, or flaking out, or COMING UP SHORT!  So… what if I AM EMPTY-HEADED and any second everyone in my world will find out that I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I’M DOING???  What if they realize that I’M A FRAUD, mutter to themselves about having wasted their time, TURN THEIR BACKS on me… and just walk away????  WHAT IF…  

STOP!!!! 

BREATH!!!

BREATH Again!!

Now… THINK IT THROUGH!

OMG!!! There IS something in my head after all.  I just had to stop, breath, think it through, and wadda-ya-know… what I needed came to me.  I am so GLAD because… well… you know why! But, hey, it turns out I wasn’t failing after all!  I just had to… you know…

STOP!!!!

BREATH!!!

BREATH AGAIN!!

THEN… THINK IT THROUGH!

Christopher Marsh, AMFT is a specialist in working with anxiety, children, and parents of special needs children. He has immediate openings in his schedule, to see Chris give us a call. (951-778-0230) or Email us to set up an appointment

© 2017-2018 Central Counseling Services

6 Tips For a GREAT School Year.

It’s the end of summer and we all know what that means; back to school!! From school supply shopping to back to school clothes shopping, it can get a little hectic. With these 6 tips, you are sure to have a great school year ahead of you not only for your child but for you as well. These are simple things that will make going back to school an easy transition.

1.      Set up that bedtime routine before school starts. It’s a good idea to set up the bedtime routine two weeks in advance so that way by the time school is ready to begin, your child is well rested and that will be just one less thing to worry about for school.

2.      Meet the teachers. Finding out who the teacher is ahead of time and sending out an introductory email or meeting with the teacher before open house. This is a great idea to connect with the teacher and build rapport before the school year starts that will carry you all the way through the school year.  

3.      Get those back to school supplies early. Ready..set..go!! once you have the list, take your child and have them participate and have an active role in helping to get their own school supplies. By letting them get that backpack, or giving them a choice of the pens or pencils or lunch box, back to school supply shopping can be a little fun and not such a big stress.

4.      Pack a healthy lunch. Sometimes this is easier said than done, but if you are able to, packing a well-balanced lunch for your child. We know kids don't always eat right, but picking favorite healthy foods helps your child eat better at school. Remember giving them the proper balance of protein, fruits and vegetables will help that brain power to ace that important test coming up.

5.      Talking about goals for the new school year. Sit down with your child so they understand the expectations for the new school year, whether it is being in sports, extracurricular activities, or homework schedules. Setting those goals up before school starts is a good way to help ensure they will get accomplished.

6.      Talk to your child about bullying. Bullying is on the rise and with social media is an ever growing concern with parents and children. Research shows that one in three children will be bullied in their school career. Talking to children before school starts on how they should treat their peers as well as what they should do if they encounter a bully is a great way to start the year off being kind to one another.

Remember if problems do arise in school and you need more assistance we are here to help support you and your child.

Courtney Whetstone, MFTI is a dedicated professional and advocate for children and teens. She has a vast experience helping children with school concerns. For more information on Courtney click here.

6 Things NOT to Say After a Death.

What not to do when someone is grieving?

We have had a lot of deaths that impact this community recently- both public figures and personal losses that impact the community in a widening ripple. We have had tragic accidents, suicides, and overdoses, in addition to the well-known celebrities with stars on Hollywood Boulevard. Many of those deaths seem to invite comment in public forums, especially social media. The comments made in those forums have an impact- social media, texts, and email has more power than any of us really want to admit.

So, what should we not do after a death?

How do we make sure our reaction does not make someone’s grief harder or make them feel that they can’t talk about their loss? How do we make sure our teens can talk about suicide issues without feeling judged? Here are some strong suggestions from a therapist who specializes in recovering from loss:

    Watch your use of common phrases

1. Don’t tell someone that their loved one is in a better place; don’t assume the griever has a faith tradition, or that they are particularly fond of God or anyone else following the loss of their loved one; don’t ask why they are still grieving – grief is its own process for each person. When they are grieving nobody wants to hear they should be happy or relieved- even if they are in some way.
2.   Don’t use the death to make political statements or to judge the person who died. Overdoses are a tragedy, not a way to lecture others about drug use and what it does. The death makes it clear what can happen. The survivors need support, not to feel that they can’t talk about them without harsh words being the response.
3.  Don’t say anything negative about the person who died. That belongs to the immediate survivors, should they choose to share those thoughts.
4. Please do not discuss the manner of death in a judgmental way. Suicide is a tragedy, not a selfish act inflicted upon the survivors. It follows after much struggle, and you cannot understand the thought process of the person who made that decision. Don’t judge them for it. Don’t make the survivors feel guilty. They have enough to cope with.
5. Don’t feel a need to fill in the silences. The very best thing you can do for a person who has had a loss is to hold space for them. Just be there. Words are unnecessary, and often get in the way.
6.  Don’t stop saying the loved one’s name- survivors need to know they counted, and still do. The loss does not end with the funeral.

Just today there was a new public celebrity death. (Chester Bennington of Lincoln Park Fame) The comments are already starting. Think before you join them. This is an opportunity to provide support in your own circle, and to make a positive impact at a difficult time.

If you need more assistance Jill Johnson-Young, LCSW is a grief recovery specialist.

©2017 All rights reserved

Do You Have High Functioning Anxiety?

Does this sound familiar?

You’re watching you son’s soccer game, answering emails and your mind is replaying that conversation you had with your boss this morning. Your daughter asking about dinner and you feel exhausted but if you stop moving both physically and mentally you are not sure if you ever get started again. You are organized, a perfectionist, often friends will call you a Type A or an overachiever as they snicker. You like the tasks done a particular way and if it’s not done that way you may feel physically ill. You catch yourself dwelling on thoughts and when you finally finish your day and flop into bed it’s after midnight. You may joke about “I’ll sleep when I’m dead”, “I am unhappy if I am not busy.” Or “There is plenty to do and If I don’t do it who will?”

 The word “NO” is not in your vocabulary

and you often have fears of letting other people down. So, you pile task after tasks on yourself always assuming you can do it and do it better than others.  Your mind will race through thoughts of “ Why did I say that?” Or “How can I get three things done before dinner.”  

You often set you feeling aside or compartmentalize your feelings and you do not wear your heart on your sleeve. You are an in-charge type person and often your friends call your “stoic.”  Inside, however, that is simply not true, your feelings do get hurt but you push them away because you say to yourself “Oh I’m just being a drama queen.”

If you said yes to even a few of these you may be showing signs of high functioning anxiety.

While high functioning anxiety is not an official diagnosis of the DSM-5 (The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) it can still cause getting through our day very difficult.  High functioning anxiety makes a person feel pushed into accomplishing many activities or the feeling of being driven into action, or pushed. You become overly productive because you are obsessed into action. Often you push your own feelings aside and “pretend” everything is perfect. Sometimes you feel empty inside.

People who experience this type of anxiety are often high-powered executives, business owners, attorneys or other professionals. On the outside these people are often well educated, smart, working two jobs or working 60 to 80 hours a week. They have accomplished many things in their careers and they often have spouses and children. Life becomes unsatisfying as the anxiety increases. There can be physical symptoms too such as nail biting, knuckle cracking or picking at your skin. You may count stairs as you climb just to keep your mind busy.  People with high anxiety are often overachievers and will push themselves to perform at the highest levels.

There is a cost to letting this type of anxiety go unchecked.

The symptoms often become worse under higher life stresses such as a death in the family, loss of a job or friendship, but even positive stresses like marriage, graduation or getting a job promotion can trigger the negative behaviors of overthinking and obsessing over and over again on one idea or statement. High anxiety people hold themselves to impossible achievement standards and when they can’t meet that standard they become depressed.

To combat this anxiety there are a few simple actions you can take to help reduce the symptoms.

1.      Take a deep breath, in fact, take 5 of them. When we become anxious we tend to breathe shallower and therefore, not properly oxygenate our bodies. This simple action can drop your blood pressure by 20 points. The best way to do this is to take 5 deep breaths 4 times a day.  

2.      Take a walk, at least 30 mins a day and yes, every day. Exercise of any type will reduce the nagging anxiety thoughts allowing the mind to feel free.

3.      Reduce caffeine that would include coffee drinks, sodas, and energy drinks. Too much caffeine will hype one up, make sleep more difficult and increase the agitated feelings.

4.      Drink plenty of water. The brain can get easily dehydrated and then make our overall function feel off

5.      Get 6 ½ to 8 hours of sleep a night. Your brain and body need that time to regenerate cells and to process the day’s activities and learning. Without getting enough sleep our brains have a much harder time with memory, focus or problem-solving.

If your high anxiety symptoms get worse or they are not being able to be easily managed it could be time to speak to a therapist for specific help with anxiety reduction. By getting short term treatment, you can increase the quality and enjoyment of your life.

©2017 Central Counseling Services.  

What does it mean for me to be “diagnosed?”

During the course of our lives, it is safe to say that any of us can be identified as having a mental health diagnosis at one point in our lives.  The death of a loved one, job loss, relationship issues are all potential catalysts for concern and they technically may lead to a diagnosis.  This doesn’t mean that we are meant to carry a diagnosis forever or that we cannot recover or live fully functional lives.  A mental health diagnosis is identifiable and agreed upon a cluster of symptoms meant to describe a person’s experience at that moment in their life.  For example, if you say you are depressed; everyone knows what that means. The symptoms a person might describe are, sad, no energy, unable to concentrate, sleeping too much, not sleeping enough, no pleasure in life and impending doom. The manual that helps therapists develop a  diagnosis and later treatment plan is called the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition or often referred to as the DSM5. If you were to turn to the mood disorder Depression you would learn that there are actually 9 different but similar diagnosis for what most people would call depression. There are all sorts of defining symptoms and you therapist has been trained to sort it all out and create a treatment plan with you.

There are many misconceptions that others hold...

about mental health diagnoses and they often lead to people to feel labeled, anxious and negative about themselves. People are not just a bunch of symptoms. Being labeled is one of the main barriers to people seeking the services they often want, is to avoid being diagnosed or feeling that it's better to resolve their issues on their own.  While others can often feel relief when they find they have an identified diagnosis that they can hold on too. They also know that they are not the

only person to have experienced these issues.

For anyone seeking services, being anxious and uncomfortable is expected as therapy can be a vulnerable and worthwhile experience.  One benefit of seeking help is being able to work with a counselor with training and experience helping people walk through the problems which often lead to improved outcomes quicker and more permanent; than trying to go through it alone.  I work with adults that need help in sorting our their temporary problems and together we find solutions that enhance our quality of lives and help us sleep better. If you are interested in working with me please call us today to set up an appointment. Don't go it alone .

Should We Avoid…Hearing, Knowing, or Talking About Abuse?

A road less traveled or better said a subject with the lights still dim…. That is “Sexual violence in the U.S., also known as Sexual Assault.”  I am sure we all know someone who has suffered or who have been exposed to acts of such barbaric magnitude, sexual assault.  One thing is for sure it happens, has happened, and will likely happen again to some unsuspecting male or female in our cities, states, and country.  We often pretend or turn a blind eye to those who are marginalized or in someway made to round one’s shoulders or lower one’s head.  The shame and guilt associated with the act can be so devastating and beguiling making it difficult to pick up one’s self and possibly moves forward.

Why is it so?  The answer is silent; the unrelenting chorus so often heard…” why did you not fight, scream, why did you wear that particular clothing item?”  “You asked for it,” realistically speaking is it that simple. The question should be asked why did you (the perpetrator) choose to violate one’s space, decidedly strong-arm passage into another’s private space, their body?  Sexual violence knows no boundaries, color, gender, or ethnicity it only knows that control must be removed from the unsuspecting soon to be a victim.  I like to characterize the victim as a survivor because indeed they are truly brave and full of resiliency as well.  Unfortunately, some are not as resilient as others but does that make them any the less brave, no. 

I am going to quote you a few statistics as well as a few facts that I gathered from the “National Sexual Violence Resource Center: Info & Stats for Journalists.” 

·       One in five women and one in 71 men will be raped at some point in their lives

·       46.4% lesbians, 74.9% bisexual women and 43.3% heterosexual women reported sexual violence other than rape during their lifetimes, while 40.2% gay men, 47.4% bisexual men and 20.8% heterosexual men reported sexual violence other than rape during their lifetimes.

·       Approximately one and 10 women have been raped by an intimate partner in her lifetime, including completed forced penetration, attempted forced penetration or alcohol/drug facilitated completed penetration.  Approximately one in 45 men have been made to penetrate an intimate partner during his lifetime. 

·       91% of the victims of rape and sexual assault are female, and 9% are male.

·       In eight out of 10 cases of rape, the victim knew the person who sexually assaulted them

 

Child Sexual Abuse:

·       One in four girls and one in six boys will be sexually abused before they turn 18 years old

·       34% of people who sexually abuse a child are family members

·       12.3% of women were age 10 or younger at the time of their first rape/victimization, and 30% of women were between the ages of 11 and 17

·       27.8% of men were age 10 or younger at the time of their first rape/victimization

·       More than one-third of women who report being raped before age 18 also experience rape as an adult

·       96% of people who sexually abuse children are male, and 76.8% of the people who sexually abuse children are adults

These statistics are grim, and that means there are too many victims on our planet.

I could go on and on with statistical information. However, the real question is, how does this information set in your minds. The realization of sexual assault goes far beyond most of our comprehension that this is a reality- this does happen.  Rape is the most under-reported crime 63% of sexual assaults are under-reported to the police, leaving just a whopping 12% of child sexual abuse reported to the authorities.  Why is this?  I peradventure it is directly related to the veil placed over the act, desensitized, sanitized, and homogenized for the sake of comfort.  Unfortunately, the comfort blanket is not for the victim but for those who believe reporting might tarnish them in some way. Despite the pain and agony experienced by the victim, those closest to them made it about them.  That is not to say that all feel that way, there are many who will stand with the victim, seeing it through to the bittersweet end. 

A substantial support system is healthy for the victim, as they see, know, and feel that they are not alone.  Making the healing process a positive venture, and not drudgery they carry into their adulthood or their future relationships.  No one desires to have their personal space violated or should they be made to feel subhuman. The victim/survivor should know that predators would be summarily dealt with in the criminal justice arena.  The survivor’s honor and dignity should never be questioned, but their cries for help should be quickly answered in a positive tone that rings out with solutions. 

Let’s remember that all human beings striving for safety and acceptance.  For more information on sexual assault check out the video below.

Statistical Information:  National Sexual Violence Resource Center:  http://www.nsvrc.org/sites/default/files/publications_nsvrc_factsheet_media-packet_statistics-about-sexual-violence_0.pdf

Video:  SpeakUP Sexual Assault Statistics:  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_4gNIbQ6Ms

If you need help sorting out being an assault victim or if you want to work through any trauma experience or if you want more information you can contact Valerie Fluker, PCCI @therapyccs@gmail.com or Central Counseling Services (951)778-0230