Daylight Savings Time Can it Harm You?

Mention three little words Daylight Savings Time in a crowd and you will get groans, haters, excitement, and lovers of the twice a year clock movement. On November 7, 2021, at 2:00 am we will again have a “falling back” of 1-hour of time. This falling back actually will feel like you are gaining an “extra hour “of sleep. As opposes to in the Springtime loss of an hour which will happen on March 13, 2022.  

In the Spring this loss of an hour can make us feel sluggish, tired, grumpy. But Autumn this added hour of sleep we welcome with open arms, or do we?

If you are an early riser and dislike waking up in the dark you will be pleased as you will see light earlier in the morning. However, setting the clock back will push sunsets earlier and most of us will be commuting home in the dark. If you work a 10 or 12 hour shift you will be getting up in the dark and returning home in the dark as the days become shorter. According the Farmer’s Almanac the shortest or darkest day of the year is December 21, 2021, (for the Northern Hemisphere) which is the official first day of Winter. 

This is also the time when Earth’s Axis is pointed farthest from the Sun giving us only 9 hours 57 minutes of day light for those of us on Pacific time.  For some people having longer dark days can affect your mood and create problems with sleeping in general.

We all have a natural 24-hour sleep/wake cycle and when we adjust it even by one-hour problems can occur. Light plays an important role in our sleep cycle or circadian rhythm. This internal body clock signals our brain to be alert and awake or feel drowsy or sleepy. Also during the sleep cycle darkness signals our brain to reduce Cortisol (wake cycle) and increase Melatonin (sleep cycle) production. If we have too much light or darkness our sleep/wake cycle is off and we either sleep too much or sleep too little. 

When that happen other health concerns can also arise like insomnia, cognitive impairment, depression, weight gain, cardiovascular problems and possible higher cancer risk according an article by the National Institutes of Health entitled “Circadian Clock, Cancer, and Chemotherapy”, Epub 2014 Oct 29.

Here’s to a better night’s sleep

There are many good reasons to get a good night sleep like improved memory, appetite control, positive mood, improved immunity and less anxiety. But how do get a “good night’s sleep?”

Try these 6 habits to help you improve your sleep.

1. Reduce screen time, remember the light factor screens emit light which encourages your brain to keep in the wake cycle. Thus, reduces the melatonin production in the brain. So turn that screen off at least an hour before bed. If you just can’t miss that show or need to watch “just one more Tic Tock video at least use blue blocker glasses.

2. Remove all work from the bedroom. Our bedroom should be used for sleep and sex only. Find another room for work, it only reminds us of what we have to do. 

3. Keep the room cool and dark. Try to set the room temperature 60 and 75°F. Check out which temperature you sleep best at by adjusting the temperature night by one degree until you find your ideal sleeping temperature. Use darkening shades and charge your tablet or phone outside of the bedroom. Even the smallest amount of light from these devices can disrupt your sleep.

4. Exercise at least 30 minutes a day on most days and at least an hour before bedtime. Exercise is a great way to reduce stress, promote sleep and keep you healthy.  Just don’t do it right before bedtime.

5. Keep a routine try to go to bed and wake up at the same time each day or within an hour or so even on weekends. Follow a bedtime routine, like reading, washing for face and hand or taking a nice warm bath. Drink a cup of hot herbal tea and relax from the day. You brain and body will thank you for this routine by giving you better quality of sleep. 

6. Limit Caffeine in the late afternoon and watch the quantity of caffeine beverages you drink. Especially coffee, energy drinks, sodas, dark chocolate and green and black teas.

 

If you continue to have sleep problems after trying the above items, it might be time to talk to your medical provider or therapist. They can help with creating a plan specific for you and making sure there is noting more serious going on.

To a good night sleep. 

Sheralyn (Sherry) Shockey-Pope, LMFT #37209 is Chief Operation Officer and Co-Owner of Central Counseling Services, a successful and vibrant group practice. She has been licensed since 2000.  Her group practice serves over 700 clients, and they provide over 1500 client sessions monthly. Sherry oversees the day-to-day operation of the practice in two locations, Riverside and Murrieta, CA.  She directly supervises associates and the support staff. In her spare time she loves being outdoors kayaking, swimming or sailing.

Visual Impairment and Its Effects on Mental Health

Check out our latest vlog HERE!

Nora talks through visual impairments and their effects on mental health. Learn tips and tricks for working through impairments and how to improve your mental health today!

I have a passion for singing with people and helping them find a sense of hope in their most vulnerable moments. I believe that everyone has a right to be heard and validated. I use a client-centered, collaborative approach allowing the person the opportunity to discover the barriers that keep them from living their best life. In addition, I serve as a guide for the client to reach their own personal goals.

I enjoy working with people of all ages, including children, teens, and adults. My therapeutic space is always compassionate and non-judgmental to allow a safe and comfortable place to navigate and explore what is needed.

I am a member of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (CAMFT).

Tips on Dealing with Separation Anxiety

As I walk up the stairs my son is twisting and shouting from downstairs. He’s crying like he is in physical pain! But it’s nothing serious, he just wants me to stay downstairs with him. When I go to the restroom, he’s banging on the door demanding to be let in. Oh and most recently, he throws himself on the floor demanding for me to go outside and play with him. I don’t have time, but he refuses to go without me. He wants access to me EVERY MOMENT of the day!

Does this sound familiar?

Your kids

pets

partners

or even yourself?

This is separation anxiety. 

A normal behavior that is traditionally seen in early years for children but can become a problem if the person can’t learn to sooth themselves and regulate their emotions until they are reunited with their caregiver. For most of us, this is an early childhood experience and it ends there, but nationally anxiety rates have increased as a result of covid 19 fears and large populations working from home. 

Signs that someone is struggling with separation anxiety:

• Seeking their comforting object/person, especially when preparing to be left alone

• Crying when the caregiver is out of sight

• Nightmares or refusing to fall asleep without their caregiver present

• Finding reasons that they cannot be left alone (stomachache, hungry, restroom change, etc.) 

• Showing signs that they worry about being alone or being in danger

• Clinging to their caregiver when they return

How do you deal with separation anxiety?

• Do not, I repeat, Do NOT sneak away when your child is not looking. This may seem like the easier way to leave your household, but it reinforces to your child that if they are not alert scary things will happen. They need to mentally prepare for being alone, not feel panicked when they realize they are alone. 

• Be compassionate (towards them and yourself)

• They need to feel safe in their environment, which means predictable and stable

• Manage your own feelings about your loved one crying or possible feelings of guilt. These feelings are normal, and you can normalize for your child that we are all struggling to adjust

• Gradually expose them to time away from you. Start with small trips to boost their confidence

• Find ways to show your loved one that when they aren’t with you that you still think about them 

• Create a transitional object (A security blanket, favorite stuffed animal, etc.) Something to provide comfort while you’re away

For more information see Separation anxiety disorder - Symptoms and causes - Mayo Clinic.

Book an appointment at CCS by calling 951-778-0230

-Vanessa

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Vanessa has been a therapist for nearly 10 years. She provides individual, family, and couples counseling services to people of all ages in both English and Spanish. She periodically runs parenting groups and completes psychological evaluations for immigration cases. In her off time, she enjoys spending time with her family, travelling, tasting new foods, and completing various arts and crafts projects. Provides Services Tuesday-Friday from 9:00am-6pm.

Don't Forget Your Hat!

Hello, 

How are you? My name is Sheri, and yours? 

What’s been on your mind? 

What would you like to unpack today? 

It has been so nice to meet you and as a result, I’d like to get to know a little bit more about you… So, what are your interests, and what do you like to do to really enjoy yourself???? 

Don’t worry, I have plenty of time… I’ll wait. 

Awe, come on, tell me what it is? I’m sure you can think of something right?

Does this conversation sound familiar to you? Well, if it does… I’d like to let you in on a little secret... 

It seems to me like you’ve lost your hat. 

“What hat, you ask? 

The Self-hat, that is! 

Everyone has hats. In fact, people will often wear a sundry of them every day, and even change them throughout the day to engage in certain roles or tasks.

There are many hats, like mom-hat, dad-hat, sibling-hat, son/daughter-hat, work-hat, and friend-hat to name a few. 

The trouble with having so many hats, increases the risk of losing the self-hat, and ultimately losing you. 

It happens much of the time with people just like me and you. 

For example, that mom that gets stuck in mom role and loses touch with everything about herself. The working father, that lives in the future, thinking about work and unable to enjoy the present moment with family. The friend that has a hard time asserting boundaries when friends take advantage. That sibling that wants to break free of the adult role in the household as a result of an absent parent. 

These are some examples, just to name a few. If you look up and suddenly cannot remember what inspires, motivates, or interests you, and you have not done anything for yourself in quite a while. The time is now, to put on your Self-hat and make a daring and bold entrance! 

Looking good! 

Now, remember to wear your Self-hat a few times throughout the week, for a classic, never grows old. 

Be Well,

Sheri Murray, AMFT, APCC

If you need to find that Self-hat, Sheri Murray is a good one to help you find it. Call us today to work with Sheri.

EVOLVING AND HAVING HOPE FOR THE NEW YEAR

The COVID-19 pandemic has disrupted everyone’s sense of stability, structure, and sense of control. This long-drawn-out time of uncertainty, combined with the social distancing that keeps us away from family, friends, and normal activities, has taken a significant toll on us physically, emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically. However, there is hope for the New Year, and this blog can help you nurture it.

Hope is always important in our lives, but now it is more critical than ever. Hope can help you fight off depression and anxiety. Hope can motivate you to achieve your goals. Hope can help you be more resilient when we face challenging times. Hope can help you focus on the reality that you need to keep yourself safe by taking the health precautions recommended by the CDC and state and local governments.

Below are some helpful steps to take to reflect on 2020 and have hope in 2021:

1 st Step - Self-Reflect and Review Our Experiences From 2020:

•  Pause and Acknowledge – Speak in truth and acknowledge what our experience was like this past year. Recognize that there have been challenges, difficulties, sadness, and many things that we had no control over. It’s ok. To reflect on these things, and we also need to choose to move forward, as well.

•  Identify the Gifts and Positive Experiences – Acknowledge that there also were some things that we experienced that may have been positive, lessons learned, opportunities given, and personal growth. So it’s important to take some ownership of these things as well instead of focusing only on the negatives.

2 nd Step - Determine What We Want for 2021:

•  Be Intentional – Incorporate what we want to focus on for the New Year. We can evolve and develop a new sense of self and be realistic about what we can change, yet not expect to change everything. Be careful about referring to Resolutions and instead be willing to have Evolutions in the New Year. Select 1- 2 things that were lessons that can apply towards wisdom and growth in this NewYear.

•  Expect and Hope for Good things to come – Love unconditionally, learn self-

  acceptance, improve self-worth and self-esteem, reduce stress, anxiety and

  depression, offer grace to yourself, and recognize life offers us choices, and we

  can decide how we want to live it.

3 rd Step – Evolving In The New Year Questions (Answer the following questions and share them with someone you really trust):

•  Three Lessons I learned in 2020?

•  The gifts of 2020 that I am carrying over into 2021?

•  My thoughts about evolving instead of resolving?

•  A few things I hope to grow through in 2021?

•  My hope for 2021?

Make these a part of your goals for the New Year and celebrate that you made it through last year which was not easy. Believe in yourself and know that you are stronger than you may realize and have much to offer and accomplish in the New Year.

It often takes more courage to have hope than not because you are being asked to look into the unknown and still believe all things are possible. Sometimes it is only hope that feeds our spirits and launches us to find the strength and power to carry on.

If we are hopeful, can bad things still happen in life? Yes, but we must remember good things happen too, and sitting around feeling hopeless doesn’t help anybody.  Feeling hopeful can help you develop a more open mind, which can help you access more possibilities, making it more likely you will find a resolution to your problems or a new way to live with whatever you face in the New Year.

As Martin Luther King, Jr. once said, “Everything that is done in the world is done by hope.”   So, let’s try to be more hopeful in 2021 because hope is the beginning of all that’s possible to make the world a better place for everyone.

Wishing all of you a Happy, Hopeful and Healthy New Year!!!!

-Tosha M. Owens, MA, APCC

When our world is not what we expect- what happened in Whoville yesterday?

When our world is not what we expect- what happened in Whoville yesterday?

As a grief therapist, I meet with grievers facing all kinds of losses. It’s never the same loss, even when a family loses one person they are grieving together. Everyone had a different relationship with the person who died, or the neighborhood they moved from, or the school they share as new alumni. Every loss is unique.

Yesterday, as a nation, we lost something together. We lost our vision of our country, no matter what “side” or groups we claim as our own.

We lost knowing that our Capitol stood for all of us, in security and as a symbol of who we are as Americans.

Our country is not perfect- we know that far too well after last year, and looking at our history, We have a long way to go to get it right in including all of us in the decision making and protecting the rights of all of us here.

We are used to the seemingly endless cycle of elections every two and four years, and the ever more virulent attacks that have come to be our normal.

We have never seen the images we saw yesterday, nor had to face the inequities they made so very clear when a group could overrun our Capitol where others would never have made it through the door. It is a painful, and deeply troubling reality of what we are capable of doing to one another in the name of claiming who we are and what our country needs to be.

I’ve spent the last eighteen hours hearing what this has meant to people of all ages, all walks of life. I’ve heard fear about the coming weeks, anger, hurt, frustration, sadness, and, most of all, grief. I’ve also heard a sound

much like Whoville. It’s been getting louder, especially in the youngest voices. The sound is a hope and deep desire that we learn to be kinder to one another, starting right now. To call out the inequities and make them

stop. To treat one another with respect. To call those who need consequences into account. The youngest in Whoville can see that racism and anger and financial disparity have created a situation that is too big for them- but that they can start with their friends and family if the Big People will please just get this together and make it right.

At Central Counseling Services we are here to help you and your family, your own Whoville, cope with the images and sadness and fear that are bubbling right now. We have clinicians who are available and will hear your needs and help you with them. Please call us if you need a safe space right now. We are online and available. (951) 778-0230

What Are The Green Flags?

By now most people have heard “red flags” in relationships and “ what makes a relationship toxic or unhealthy?” Well, I am now going to put another spin on it and we are going to talk about “ green flags”. You may be asking, “ what is a green flag?” A green flag is a sign that this person may very well be a decent partner for you.

Below are 10 green flags in relationships that make them strong and healthy.

1. Feeling good when being around each other is a huge green flag; when you each take pleasure in being around and sharing space with one another. Feeling happy, confident, safe, and being able to laugh together is an important part of a relationship and enjoying that person's company.

2. Being able to let your guard down and be vulnerable with that person is a green flag. When you are able to be comfortable enough with your partner that you can share unpleasant feelings or experiences, that is a green flag.

3. Getting reassurance from your partner is a deeper level of intimacy and that is a green flag. When there is a lot of communication, understanding, and listening between the two of you, you are in green flag territory.

4. Adapting to change in a healthy manner is a green flag. Relationships change and adapt over time. Relationships go through struggles but it is HOW you deal with those struggles where the green flags come in. when you can be open and discuss each others opposing opinions about things, take accountability, be respectful to one another during an argument, these are skills that have evolved your relationship into something more intimate and deeper.

5. Showing gratitude is another green flag. Having someone who is positive and appreciates the things you say. Whether it's sending them a song that makes you think of them, or simply saying thank you, is important.

6. Sharing common goals and values is a green flag. When your partner can support you on the things that are important to you, that is very important in a relationship.

7. Being able to be your true authentic self with no ridicule or judgment is an important green flag. Never underestimate the power of your partner letting you be your silly self without judging you.

8. Being challenged in a relationship is also a green flag. When you are able to be empowered by your partner or able to engage in teamwork with your partner, these are important. Encouraging each other to follow your dreams is a big green flag.

9. Being able to sacrifice for the relationship, while still remaining independent is a green flag. There may be things you will need to sacrifice to maintain the other person being kept as a priority, but keeping your independence is a good balance and a good example of keeping a healthy boundary.

10. Communication is a green flag. Being consistent with calls and texts, and being tuned in to each other when engaged in conversation is important.

It is just as important to recognize the good in relationships as it is to find the red flags. Being able to analyze these and have self-awareness is an important part of mental health.
For more ways to gain self-awareness book an appointment at CCS by calling 951-778-0230

Do You Know Your ACE Score?

What are Adverse Childhood Experiences and how do they impact your physical and emotional well-being?

The CDC (Center for Disease Control)/Kaiser Permanente ACE Study was conducted between 1995-1997 and collected confidential data from over 17,000 Kaiser HMO members during physical exams. This was one of the largest investigations into child abuse, neglect, and household challenges that looked at later physical health and well-being. For both waves of this study, two-thirds of the people who completed the ACE questionnaire reported at least one adverse experience, and more than 1 in 5 experienced three or more ACEs. The greater number of adverse childhood experiences reported was associated with both physical and mental health challenges in later life.

Adverse Childhood Experiences are potentially traumatic events that occur in a person between the ages of 0-17. They include experiencing violence, physical and/or sexual abuse, neglect, witnessing violence at home, losing a family member, or having a family member attempt or die by suicide. The CDC estimated that up to 1.9 million cases of heart disease and 21 million cases of depression could have been potentially avoided by preventing ACEs. Women and several racial/ethnicity groups were at higher risk of having experienced 4 or more types of ACEs. It is believed that having 4 or more ACEs is associated with a higher risk of injury, sexually transmitted infections, maternal and child health problems, eating disorders, teen pregnancy, involvement in sex trafficking, and a wide range of health issues including diabetes, heart disease, and cancer to name a few. Additionally, when there are significant trauma experiences as children, it can impact you as an adult when you experience a new trauma.

Prevention of adverse experiences is one way to help protect children. This may include treatment for substance abuse for their parents, mental health care for parents (and sometimes children), and additional help from community resources for children and families. Common mental health challenges for those who have experienced adverse childhood experiences as children include anxiety, depression, and post traumatic stress disorder. The good news is you can seek help from both medical and mental health professionals to treat the medical issues associated with ACEs and alleviate mental health symptoms that occurred from childhood trauma.

Please feel free to ask your therapist to assist you in screening for adverse childhood experiences during your initial consultation. For more information about ACEs, feel free to listen to the attached: TED Talk about this very important topic.

For additional reading about ACEs, feel free to search www.cdc.gov

What’s wrong with wanting things to be perfect?

Have you already started to feel the pressure of hosting for the holidays? Or maybe you just want

your dish to be the absolute best? Even staying home and trying to salvage the holiday spirit can

be challenging for someone struggling with perfectionism. Most of us want to make a good

impression, but this is not the same as wanting to be perfect.

While doing your personal best is a great goal, it is possible to reach unrealistic expectations, as

in expecting flawlessness. While some people with the condition of OCD might strive for

perfection, perfectionism itself is not a condition. Perfectionism is a personality trait. For many,

doing their personal best is a sign of success and healthy determination, but for some the feelings

of disappointed for anything less than exceptional can be daunting.

Perfectionism is exhausting! You might find yourself starting over completely regardless of how

many compliments you receive. It feels like a never-ending race because the finish line is always

being moved every time a new idea or criticism pops into your mind.

In, The Gifts of Imperfection, psychologist and professor Brené Brown explains that “Shame is

the birthplace of perfectionism.” Meaning that the goal of perfectionism can be to avoid feeling

judgement and trying to earn someone’s approval. The perfectionism is meant to cover up our

own insecurities by not letting them see the real us.

So, how do you fight this desire to be perfect? Allow yourself to be enough just as you are.

Rather than focus on being perfect, focus on being the best version of you. That is enough! There

is no competition. Your value is not determined by how much others approve of you or are

impressed by you.

Here is a list of statements and suggestions you can try if you’re struggling with perfectionism

• “I can accept that others believe I have done a great job, even if it is hard for me to agree.”

• “Thoughts are just thoughts – they’re not necessarily true or factual”

• “This is difficult and uncomfortable, but it’s only temporary”

• What would I say to a friend if they were in this position?

• Ask someone you trust for an objective opinion

• Pointing out all of the things that you did like about your project/performance

Check out https://hbr.org/2019/04/how-to-manage-your-perfectionism for more tips on how to

overcome your perfectionism. *Non-Affiliate link*

Signs of an Abusive Relationship- Take the quiz!

You may be thinking “ how does someone not know they are in an abusive relationship?” well the answer at times is not always clear due to the manipulation and gaslighting that can come along with it. I will give some signs that you are in an abusive relationship while describing what types of abuse there are.

Emotional Abuse- There will be some attacks on their partner's self-worth, name-calling and belittling, and humiliation. There may be some accusations for example of cheating or various behavior that are unjust. The abuser will then rationalize their behavior by saying “ relax, it was just a joke.” Or “ you make
me act this way.” Another thing that can happen is in public everything is all smiles and in private, the abuser turns on his partner in these negative and abusive ways leaving the victim feeling confused, worthless, and hurt. Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse and what this is, is a way to make you feel “crazy.” If
there is something to be true about the abuser and you confront them, they will do whatever it takes to make you feel like you imagined the whole thing and make you question yourself. It will turn you against your own logic, even if the truth is right there in your face and in some circumstances even make your abuser look like “ the good guy.”

Physical Abuse- This will be instances of hitting, kicking, biting, pushing/shoving, throwing objects at them, or harming with a weapon. Using any type of restraints classifies as abuse.

Sexual Abuse- This one is common, yet not talked about often and this looks like where the abuser will force sexual contact ( not just intercourse) on their partner. Treating your partner like a sexual object is also abusive. Using sex to get what you want and assign value and importance to your partner is abusive. Withholding sex and affection as a form of punishment is a way to be abusive as well.

Threats and Intimidation- An abuser might threaten their partner by giving a threatening look or gesture, with the point being they want to instill fear. They might track your every move. They could threaten to destroy your property or harm something or someone they love. This instills fear, anxiety, and panic in their partner.

Isolation- The abuser will isolate their partner from their friends and family. They might do this by limiting or even cutting off all contact from others. They may physically do this, but it is often done by intimation and mind games. They will chip away at their partner's self-esteem so that they are the only person in their partner's world, which is abusive.

Economic Abuse- What this looks like is withholding money from your partner and not letting them get their own job or their own money so that they can be financially dependent on their abuser.

Using Children As Pawns- What this looks like is threatening custody of the children in order to get what the abuser wants. It can also look like criticizing their partner's parenting skills and telling their children lies about the other parent.

Think you could be in an abusive relationship?

Take the Quiz

How does EMDR work?

Did you know that just as the body heals from injury, so can the brain when it comes to your mental health? 
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy (EMDR) is a type of
therapy that helps you heal from both recent and distant trauma, known anxiety triggers, phobias, phantom limb pain, loss of a loved one, and can help with emotional and psychological triggers for substance abuse too! It is also one of the primary methods of treatment for combat veterans with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

This sounds like wonderful news, but how exactly does it work? 
When a disturbing event occurs, it can get locked in the brain with the original picture, sounds, thoughts, feelings, and body sensations. It is believed that the information never completely gets processed. EMDR seems to stimulate the information and allows the brain to reprocess the experience.

It is believed that we sometimes process our daily events during our sleep during rapid eye movement (REM), also known as dream sleep. EMDR uses similar eye movements and sometimes tones or tapping movements to help process the material. Another name for these interventions is bilateral stimulation, also called BLS. It is your own brain that will be doing the healing and you will be in control. The client works with the therapist to target unresolved memories, which will be paired with eye movements, tapping, or auditory tones (called bilateral stimulation). This will help you stay present in the room and will help reduce the re-experiencing of the memories. It is to be a viewing of the memory, much like you would be observing the scenery from a train. If the material becomes overwhelming at any point, you will give a hand signal to stop. There will be a break from reprocessing and the therapist will assess what is needed with you.

During reprocessing sessions, we will want to take 5-10 minutes at the beginning of sessions for a brief check-in this will allow you to report any significant changes from our previous session. Most of a reprocessing session will be taken up by sets of 20-30 full sets of eye movements, tappings, or tones with brief checks ins with you, to check in regarding surfacing material for 25-30 minutes. The last 5-15 minutes of the session will be used to debrief the session and if reprocessing is incomplete, we will take time to assist you with putting the material aside in a container and you will receive feedback and recommendations from the therapist.

Some benefits at the completion of EMDR therapy may include a decrease or elimination of vivid flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety, physical pain, difficulty sleeping, and may include an improved sense of physical and emotional well-being.

I began using EMDR in June 2020 as a treatment for my clients. As a therapist, I was drawn to learn and practice EMDR following many years of Child Welfare practice. I have personally seen the need for treatment of trauma, and I was excited to see that it can help with trauma and many other mental health symptoms.

If you are interested in trying EMDR, feel free to give Central Counseling a call to schedule an appointment at (951) 778-0230.

Is it Bad behavior or Sensory Overload?

Does your child have sensory overload? Does he or she display anxiety, irritability, and restlessness, or avoiding specific places or situations, closing their eyes, covering the face, crying, placing their hands over their ears, the inability to converse with others, or connect to them. Do they run away from specific places or situations? Even going to the school or the cafeteria can lead to sensory overload. The sounds of people talking loudly, strong smells of food, and flickering fluorescent lights can trigger feelings of being overwhelmed and uncomfortable.

Do you feel hopeless because you do not have tools to soothe your child in stressful situations?

Your child may be suffering from a sensory processing disorder.
Most commonly found in children with autism spectrum disorder, fetal alcohol syndrome, Down syndrome, ADHD, and PTSD. However, a child with a Neurological condition such as Optic Nerve Hypoplasia (ONH), which affects their sight, can also include the sensory processing disorder. Having OHN was the case for my child. Some children will avoid interactions with peers, have a
difficult time holding a conversation, temper tantrums, overall seem withdrawn, and like quiet places. These are all symptoms of sensory processing problems and not just bad behavior by your child.

Below I have provided some tried and true small tips to help you and your child during sensory overload.

• Help your child avoid triggering situations. This was hard for me with my own child because would become frustrated when she did not want to participate in dance classes or talk to her friend or me. She would avoid conversations and lack emotional excitement when introduced to new experiences.

• Give your child the words to explain what is happening and how it feels. When I started to ask my child how she felt, she began to use the words “scared” or “afraid.” Once I knew how she was feeling, we could start to use self-soothing techniques such a deep breathing, etc..

• Validate the child’s feelings and experiences. Let them know you will always love and care for them, and it is okay to be scared sometimes.

• Inform teachers of the possibility of sensory overload and ask for their support in finding a safe place your child could go when he or she is feeling overwhelmed so they could use coping skills to help reduce the symptoms overload. Sometimes just a new placement in a classroom can help. These children should not be in the middle of the classroom. Aim for a corner or by a wall where they will have fewer children directly around them. This little change may provide your child with significant benefits.

• Seek professional help from an individual therapist to assist with coping skills and self-soothing techniques, talk your to child’s pediatrician and ask for a referral to an occupational therapist. Occupation therapists are excellent resources that can give you exercise to help with self-soothing and self-regulation.

Remember that your child is not trying to be difficult, but if you keep in mind “nails on a chalkboard, ”this sensation is often how your child experiences simple things such as talking or moving their desk at school. There is an actual change in the structure of the brain that makes responding to some daily tasks unbearable for these children. With guidance from your child’s medical teams, your child can learn how to respond better to the stimuli of the world around him.

How Can I Keep A Strong Bond With My Partner While In Quarantine?

I know most of us out there expected this quarantine to only last a couple of weeks. We are now 6 months in and a question on lots of people's minds is, How can I keep this bond strong with my partner while in quarantine? And how can I not lose my mind while doing so? Well here are some helpful tips on keeping that bond strong while quarantined together and also a few for those relationships that are not in quarantine together and are now being forced into a “ long-distance” feel on the relationship.

Tips for couples who are quarantined together:

1. Have a movie night that will spark a conversation after. For example, 13th or Social Dilemma, both found on popular streaming services.

2. Exercise together by taking a walk or a jog outside to beat the cabin fever.

3. Have a game night but instead of video games, ditch those for good old fashioned board games

4. Find time each day to express gratitude to your partner

5. Dress up and have data e night in the backyard or living room- picnic style.

6. Having more patience than you might normally have with your partner will come in handy, these are tension-filled times so finding that compassion for yourself and your partner when arguments inevitably arise will be helpful.

7. Be sure to still have your alone time- being quarantined together is A LOT of togetherness so be sure to make sure you are still enjoying activities that are your own.

Tips for those relationships who are not in quarantine together:

1. Make phone calls and video chats a priority.

​2. Still watch your favorite shows together- facetime each other while watching your shows so you can still interact while watching tv.

​3. Play online games such as UNO or any video games you both enjoy

​4. Workout together via online working out, DOMA studios is an example of an online platform 

​5. Do an on occasion social distancing date, such as getting take out and eating together at a safe distance. 

​6. Get your old school writing love letters on write your partner a love letter and mail it. ( they have stamps and shipping online)

​7. Virtually have meals together.

As always, please reach out if you are needing more help in your relationship, we are still offering couples therapy during this time. We know quarantine is hard. The CCS team is here for you to bring inspiration, comfort, and healing into your life. If you missed lasted week's blog, we introduced our Zen Den, we created a virtual space for you to escape to, check it out!

The Way You Think May Be Detrimental To Your Mental Health Part 2- How to Change that!

Last week we discussed some common cognitive distortions that may be adding to your anxiety or depression. To get caught up, if you missed last week's blog read that first, here! Have you been able to identify some common thought errors? If you’re experiencing any of these distortions,

Here are 8 steps to stop or slow down your Cognitive Distortions:

1. Recognize and isolate the thought: Look for absolute words, like ‘always’, ‘never’, or ‘can’t’ these are usually clues you’ve got a Cognitive Distortion going on. So are really strong negative words directed at yourself like, ‘hate,’ ‘stupid’ or ‘loser.’ Try and use these words sparingly, if at all.
2. Write it down daily: Yes, take your Cognitive Distortions to pen and paper. It makes a difference. Sometimes we can more easily recognize them by writing it down.
3. Take your distress temperature: Zero to ten. Zero meaning your content and peaceful; ten that your misery is paralyzing, or you have negatives feelings about yourself.
4. Use reality thinking: ask yourself: Is it reasonable to think that thought or is it unreasonable? Say the thought out loud. If a friend said that, would you agree or disagree? If the thought is truly reasonable it probably isn’t a distortion. If the thought is mostly unreasonable it probably is a distortion. If the thought is unreasonable: Take Responsibility. 
You just need to take responsibility for whatever it is that caused the thought and the resulting bad feeling and do something about it. Either decide to take action, let it go, or both.
5. Give it a name: What kind of cognitive distortion is it? Ask yourself, is it all or nothing thinking, fortune-telling, or maybe personalization? Figure it out because chances are you have a pattern going on. Once you have the distortion labeled you will be in tune to when it happens again in a different context. 
6. Write its name down: the act of writing down your thoughts allows you to see it and find a more reasonable thought to replace the distorted one. If you can’t come up with anything, think about what your friend would say. Or what would the angel say to the cognitive distorting devil?
7. Retake your distress temperature: Even if it’s just a few degrees lower, from a 9 to a 7, say, you are going in the right direction, and that’s a good thing.
8. Repeat as needed: review the steps above and repeat any steps for more stubborn thoughts.

Do not expect to ever be completely free from Cognitive Distortions. That would be unreasonable (Ha Ha :-))
However, the more you do these exercises the easier rescuing your mood, and lowering your distress level will become. If you continue to have these thoughts and you can’t make them go away on your own, give me a call and we can work on them together.

The Way You Think May Be Detrimental To Your Mental Health

Every single thought we have sends neurotransmitters through our brain. For every positive thought we have like, “For every problem, there is a solution.” Or “I’m happy that you got a good grade on your test.” We feel emotionally content, happy, and overall good. When we think negative thoughts, we experience a down feeling of sadness or a blah feeling. If the negative thought persists, we can become depressed or anxious. But sometimes these negative thoughts are wrong or misinterpreted by our brain. Those types of thoughts are called Cognitive distortions. These negative thoughts tend to be exaggerated, irrational, and often lack facts. Cognitive distortions are errors in thinking, they cause us to perceive reality inaccurately. These negative thoughts patterns reinforce negative emotions and feelings. We all use cognitive distortions from time to time, but we use them all the time they can contribute to depression and anxiety according to a study by (Burns, Shaw, & Croker, 1987).

Below are some examples of errors in thinking:Disqualifying the positive: You reject positive experiences by insisting they don’t count for some reason or another. In this way, you can maintain a negative belief that is contradicted by your everyday experiences.
Jumping to Conclusions: You make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts that convincingly support your conclusions. Jumping to conclusions can also be interpreted as mind-reading, you arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you, and you don’t bother to check this out. Do you become victim to “Fortune Teller error”, you anticipated that things will turn out badly, and you feel convinced that your prediction is right and is established in facts.
Magnification or Minimization: You exaggerate the importance of things ( such as your goof-up or someone else’s accomplishment) or you inappropriately shrink things until they appear tiny ( your own desirable qualities or the other fellow’s imperfections.) this is also called “binoculars tricks”.
Should Statements: You try to motivate yourself with should and shouldn’t, as if you had to be whipped and punched before you could be expected to do anything. “Musts” and “ought’s” are also offenders. The emotional consequence is guilt. When you direct share statements towards others, you feel angry, frustration, and resentment.
Labeling and Mislabeling: this is an extreme form of overgeneralization. Instead of describing your error, you attach a negative label to yourself. “I am a loser. “When you direct “should statements” toward others, as “you should always tell that person no, she is a loser.” Another example is when someone else’s behavior rubs you the wrong way, you attach a negative label to them: “He’s a damn
louse” or “He’s such a jerk”. Mislabeling involves describing the event with language that is highly colored and emotionally loaded.

Have you been able to identify some of these distortions in yourself? Come back for next week's blog where we will talk all about the 8 simple steps to stop or slow down these Cognitive Distortions.