For The Love of Fido: Pets and Your Mental Health

Happy National Walk The Dog Day! Make sure to give the pups a little extra walkies time today. The benefits of owning a dog (or any pet) are well documented. Reduction in high blood pressure, increased immunity, manageable cholesterol levels, and a lowered risk of heart disease are just a few of the physical health benefits that Fido and Fluffy bring to your life.

The mental health bennies are even more profound. Studies suggest that owning a pet can reduce stress, decrease anxiety, help manage depression, and boost your mood. The day-to-day care of a pet can contribute to an increase in physical activity, long recognized as a healthy part of managing both physical and mental health. Doing so also gives you something to wake up and get out of bed for! 

Caring for a pet takes patience, diligence, mindfulness, and persistence. You’ll need to do research to determine how to set up the proper environment, the most nutritious food, and how to support your pet’s health. Doing the work of caring for another can give a sense of purpose and meaning to your life. Hanging out with your pet is a powerful remedy for loneliness, and their unconditional love and appreciation can be warm comfort to an aching heart.

It is said that people who struggle with depression have problems letting go of the past, and those who suffer from anxiety fear the future. Pets are a study in mindfulness, or the practice of remaining in the present. Enjoying bonding time, play time, or hand taming of your pet encourages you to live in the moment, to allow yourself the joy of the day, and to connect with the little being who seeks your love and attention. The practice of mindfulness is a frequent treatment intervention for such mental health struggles as PTSD, generalized anxiety disorder, and major depressive disorder. Plus, playing with your pet is just plain fun! Walking your dog can encourage you to get out in nature and soak up some sunshine, which significantly reduces depressive symptoms. Waving a play wand for your cat gets you moving about, great for easing pain and reducing anxiety. Feeding and maintaining your pet’s physical appearance is satisfying and rewarding, as you can immediately see the benefits of your work in their happy demeanor and shiny coat/fins/scales/feathers.

Let’s not leave out the kids! Owning, working with, or engaging in therapy with animals has been shown to help children with emotional development and regulation. A study conducted with children living with autism showed that having a class pet helped them develop important social skills; increased their ability to relate to their classmates; decreased instances of emotional overwhelm and behavioral outbursts; and significantly reduced their stress levels. Teens who own and care for pets typically struggle less with social anxiety, isolation, and low self-esteem. Grieving children with pets seem to process their grief more readily than children without pets.

Whether they have fur, fins, scales, or wings, having a pet can help you manage your mental health. If you cannot own a pet, consider other ways to get into contact with animals: dog walking/pet sitting, volunteering at an animal shelter or rescue organization, or helping a friend or family member care for their own pet. Do some research to find the best pet for your energy level, interest, and lifestyle. You can learn more about ways of managing your mental health in session with me or any of the wonderful therapists at Central Counseling Services. Call to book an appointment today!

~Alexia

10 Ways Pet Support Mental Health. (2018, June 1). Retrieved from the Newport Academy website: https://www.newportacademy.com/resources/well-being/pets-and-mental-health/ 

“Life knocks us down sometimes, and when that happens, we can all use a hand getting back up.

It’s my honor and privilege to be a helping hand when you are in need. 

I provide gentle guidance, an empathetic ear, and a safe, non-judgmental space to work through issues that make life difficult. I specialize in treating anxiety, depression, and struggles with trauma, especially as related to substance use/abuse (yours or a loved one’s), military service, and family troubles. In therapy, we will explore safe, effective coping mechanisms to help you manage life; examine and refine your self-care; and process those issues that cause you difficulty. Remember that you are the expert of your own life, so we will work together to find solutions that fit you best."

Alexia is also EMDR Trained.

Have You Gotten Boosted For Self-Esteem?

“I will never be good enough.” “No one likes me.” “I am worthless.”

We have all heard these statements before. You may have heard someone else say them aloud about themselves, or they have appeared as thoughts swimming around in your own head. Statements like these are referred to as ‘negative self-talk’ or ‘self-disparaging remarks,’ but where exactly do they develop from? 

We certainly are not born with these thoughts about ourselves. Somewhere along the course of development, you had experiences that influenced how you think about yourself. Those experiences caused you to develop a belief system about yourself and the world you live in. 

Self-esteem is a person’s perception of how they think and feel about themself. High self-esteem leads to one feeling positive and confident about themselves; low self-esteem can cause a person to feel down and depressed. Low self-esteem can occur within disorders such as Depression or Social Anxiety. Low self-esteem can be caused by factors such as being bullied, ridiculed, ignored, abandoned, rejected, or treated unfairly. Your self-esteem can also be influenced by life experiences, trauma, neglect, abuse, and other factors. Low self-esteem often begins in childhood and can persist into adulthood.

 A study done by Orth and Robins (2014) concluded that one’s self-esteem starts to increase at adolescence and is consistent through middle adulthood, peaks around the age of 50-60 years, and begins to decline rapidly into old age.

Oftentimes, the focus is given to low self-esteem rather than high self-esteem. People are encouraged to esteem themselves higher and think positively when it comes to their sense of self. How do you know where you lie on the self-esteem spectrum?

Several studies have found that people with high self-esteem:

• appreciate themselves 

• appreciate other people

• seek opportunities for personal growth

• are confident in the decisions they make

• are able to focus with ease, on solving their problems

• Have loving and respectful relationships.

• Can kindly and confidently share their wants, needs, and opinions with others.

While people with low self-esteem:

• Are often “people pleasers”

• become easily angered or irritated

• feel their wants, needs, or opinions do not matter

• Have difficulty creating boundaries

• Are overly sensitive to the opinions of others

• Are extremely indecisive

• Have feelings of worthlessness

• avoid taking risks or trying new things

• struggle with confidence

• give more attention to their weaknesses

• Have difficulty saying “no”

• Regularly feel negative emotions like anxiety, depression, or fear.

So, how can you boost your self-esteem?

Acknowledge your strengths – What is working well for you? What skills, abilities, and talents do you already have? Acknowledge past successes and use them to guide you in your present moments towards your future.

Identify your good qualities- You are uniquely, you! Focus on what makes you a good person. Write those qualities down and post them somewhere so that you can read them daily. If you need help, ask a friend or family member to point out good qualities they notice within you.

Develop positive self-talk to increase your confidence- Our thoughts have an effect on our mood and the beliefs we have about ourselves. Create a list of positive statements about yourself, your environment, and your future. From the list, pick one to read daily. 

Read/Listen to self-help books or Podcasts – Books are a great resource for learning the skills and tools needed to help you improve the areas of your life that need that extra TLC! If you are not a fan of reading, audiobooks and podcasts are a great alternative. 

Journal your feelings- Want a safe place for you to express your thoughts and feelings without punishment or judgment? Get yourself a journal. Journaling can help you to get those negative thoughts out of your head and onto paper. Doing this activity daily can assist with the opportunity to identify negative thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. 

Set goals and plan for achievement- Set small goals and plan the steps it takes to achieve them. By setting goals and achieving them, you can acknowledge these accomplishments and increase your confidence. A good rule of thumb when setting goals is to make them Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Timely, aka (S.M.A.R.T goals). 

Take care of your body- Exercising regularly, getting enough sleep, avoiding drugs and alcohol, and eating healthy, balanced meals are all great for managing your mental health.

Practice deep breathing/relaxation techniques- There are many benefits to deep breathing, including the reduction of stress. Research has found a link between healthy individuals who practiced deep breathing and relaxation; they were found to have better control over their emotions and mental well-being. Ask your therapist to train you in the use of these techniques if you are not familiar with them.

Seek counseling- Talking to a mental health professional about your self-esteem issues can be helpful. A therapist can help you identify and focus on thinking patterns that contribute to poor self-esteem. A mental health professional can also assist in identifying other related conditions that may be causing you to have a poorer sense of self (e.g., depression, anxiety). You can learn to develop and use coping skills that will support your overall mental health and well-being.

If you find that your journalling or self-talk is negative, you might find speaking to a counselor for a few sessions can really turn your thoughts around.    You can set up an appointment with me Danielle Neazer, AMFT or any one of our our therapists.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

~Danielle                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

Zaccaro, A., Piarulli, A., Laurino, M., Garbella, E., Menicucci, D., Neri, B., & Gemignani, A. (2018). How Breath-Control Can Change Your Life: A Systematic Review on Psycho-Physiological Correlates of Slow Breathing. Frontiers in human neuroscience, 12, 353. https://doi.org/10.3389/fnhum.2018.00353

I enjoy experiencing the journey and aiding my clients to take control of their mental health. I love seeing other people especially my clients become healthier and happier. I find pride in helping others become the best version of themselves. I love learning and teaching. I believe if you teach a person, as opposed to just telling them, how to achieve a life of health and wellness, they can experience change.

I have experience working with children, adolescence, and the young adult population. I specialize in Depression, Anxiety, Self-Esteem, and Autism Spectrum Disorder

During my sessions, I strive to create an environment of politeness and respect for each other, confidentiality, honesty, and integrity.

As an AMFT, my personal goal is to continue professional development and achieve licensure. To be competent and use best practices in treating the mental health community. I strive to continue to develop as a therapist and never stop learning.

I am based in our Murrieta location and available for both in-person and telehealth sessions during the week. Please, call me today to set up an appointment, 951-778-0230.

Guarding Against Mental Health in Adulthood Can Begin in Childhood

Parenting . . . the struggle is real.

The best parents want to fulfill the needs of their children. Do they realize that means the psychological needs to be seen, feel safe, secure and soothed when it’s needed? Possibly. Some parents appear more natural than others.

As a parent, you want to do what’s best. It would be easiest if we could treat all of our children the same, however they are each unique individuals. Treating each of them the same will not do. Any parent that has tried this approach knows this does not work well and may have ended up in a big parenting struggle.

According to the American Psychological Association there are several different parenting styles:

• Authoritative – nurturing, responsive, and supportive, yet sets firm limits for their children. They attempt to control children’s behavior by explaining rules, discussing, and reasoning. Don’t worry – it doesn’t mean they always accept the child’s viewpoint, but the parent does listen.

• Permissive - parents are warm but lax. They fail to set firm limits, to monitor children’s activities closely or to require appropriately mature behavior of the children.

• Uninvolved – parents are unresponsive, unavailable and rejecting. This is a close cousin to Authoritarian.

• Authoritarian – is an extremely strict parenting style that places high expectations on children’s with little responsiveness. The focus tends to be on obedience, discipline, control rather than nurturing the child (www.webmd.com definition)

The authoritarian and uninvolved parenting results in children with low self-esteem and little self-confidence and seek other, often times inappropriate, role models to substitute for this neglectful parent.

Permissive parents tend to have children that are impulsive, rebellious, aimless, domineering, aggressive and low in self-reliance, self-control and achievement.

Ideally, we would have children that are friendly, energetic, cheerful, self-reliant, self-controlled, curious, cooperative and achievement-oriented that have strong emotional intelligence. This child of the authoritative parent. 

Great! Now that we’ve defined an effective parenting style how do we achieve this if we have not experienced this ideal parenting style in our own lives?

How are you consistent in method yet unique to each child? It’s a tough question.

The Nurtured Heart Approach (NHA) can achieve this parenting need.

The Nurtured Heart Approach was created for those helping the difficult or intense child. According to the creator, Howard Glasser, it’s about seeing what’s right in the child in front of you and using emotionally nutritious words to recognize them. The Nurtured Heart Approach consists of a set of strategies that assists children in further developing their self-regulation and has been found effective with children of all ages.  It focuses on transforming the way children perceive themselves, their caregivers and the world around them.  Children learn to understand that they will receive endless amounts of praise, energy, recognition and reward through the positive behavior they display and this supports children to build a positive portfolio of themselves, which we call “Inner Wealth™.”  

The basic tenets of this type of parenting are to:

• refuse to energize negativity

• relentlessly energize the positive

• clearly but un-energetically enforce limits

For more information on the Nurtured Heart Approach please visit www.ChildrensSuccessFoundation.com

An educator, Yael Walfish, wrote a book, Menucha for Menucha. (Menucha means peace.) It’s a book that shows a smart, creative young lady getting frustrated and how her parents explain the limits, recognize her efforts and strengths to control herself in her frustrating moments. In time, these intense moments lessen. She has success in resetting and eventually eliminating this behavior.

Through the Nurtured Heart Approach we can train our mind to see the good in everything and bring about a transformation where all children are flourishing.

What if we were to treat our children with respect and love, and also appreciate each child with their own unique strengths and abilities? 

Potentially, this would ward off many of the mental health challenges of adulthood. Using these techniques is a step in the right direction to helping our children to become adults that feel seen, safe, soothed and secure (neuropsychiatrist Dr. Dan Siegel’s 4 S’s), and then these same adults will be able to go into the world and do the same for others.

Win - Win.

~Amanda

Resources:

The Whole Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind.

https://childsuccessfoundation.org/

https://menuchapublishers.com/products/menucha-for-menucha?_pos=1&_sid=7d6056761&_ss=r

I provide counseling to individuals (adults and children) and couples. I’ve treated a wide range of challenges, mental health matters, adjustments to life’s hurts, and trauma.

Common trauma symptoms: panic attacks, chronic pain, rage, substance abuse, numbing, depression, nightmares, anxiety, and/or hopelessness.

When my loved one struggled with mental illness I received training and experience with leading classes for National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) family programs and peer support groups. I am certified as an Anger Management Facilitator and SMART Recovery. Besides a Loma Linda University Master's degree, I have specialized training in Postpartum Support International’s Perinatal Mood Disorders Component of Care and Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CF CBT).

Appreciating & Celebrating Black History Month

Did you know February is Black History Month? 



Black History Month is an annual celebration of achievements by Black/African Americans and a time for recognizing their central role in U.S. history. Also known as African American History Month. Since 1976, every U.S. president has officially designated the month of February as Black History Month. Other countries around the world, including Canada and the United Kingdom, also devote a month to celebrating Black history. While it is an annual observance that originated in the United States, many people wonder why it is so important. I often used to think it was about celebrating just simply being a Black/African American, but I have discovered it is so much more than that. 

Black history is rich and vast; it does not solely belong to blacks but has universal significance. Many of our American traditions and culture has been based upon the societal influences of Black/African American people which includes music, science, sports, literature, yet also has been affected by a long history of social injustices and inequalities. Therefore, as February comes around and we celebrate Black history it should also serve as a time for our nation to reflect and be introspective about our successes, but yet recognize the work and the journey is far from over.

As we have learned, while there has been significant progression and numerous accolades and advances in the Black/African American story, many issues remain to be addressed and one significant concern facing this community is in the area of mental health. According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) 2018 National Survey on Drug Use and Health, entitled Black/African American Communities and Mental Health, shows that African Americans/Blacks represent approximately Thirteen percent (13.4 %) of the U.S. population, however only Sixteen percent (16%) of Black and African American people reported having a mental illness, and over twenty-two percent (22.4%) of those reported a serious mental illness over the past year. 

 

Overall, mental health conditions occur in Black/African American people in America at about the same or less frequency than in White Americans. However, the historical Black/African American experience in America has and continues to be characterized by trauma and violence more often than for their White counterparts and impacts emotional and mental health of both youth and adults. 

Historical adversity, which includes slavery, and race-based exclusion from health, educational, social, and economic resources, translates into socioeconomic disparities experienced by Black and African American people today. Socioeconomic status, in turn, is linked to mental health: people who are impoverished, homeless, incarcerated, or have substance use problems are at higher risk for poor mental health.

Additionally, despite progress made over the years, racism continues to have an impact on the mental health of Black/ African American people. Negative stereotypes and attitudes of rejection have decreased, but continue to occur with measurable, adverse consequences. Historical and contemporary instances of negative treatment have led to a mistrust of authorities, many of whom are not seen as having the best interests of Black and African Americans in mind.

Why should our society care about Black/African American mental health?

We need to recognize mental health is a societal issue not one solely based upon culture, skin color, socioeconomic status, or ethnicity. However, because of the issues stated earlier, the prevalence of mental health in Black/African American communities is likely to impact most of our families in a significant way. Therefore, this blog is intended to be a resource, serve as a form of education and well as to offer hope to people in our society. 

What are some of the barriers to Black/African Americans getting help with mental health?

Attitudes

• There are stereotypes, misconceptions, and a stigma in our community that being mentally ill is worse than having physical ailments. 

• Black and African Americans hold uninformed beliefs and lack psychological openness, and help-seeking, which in turn affects our coping behaviors. Many of which are simply rooted in not having an understanding of mental health, where it comes from, and cultural myths such as being labeled “crazy”.

• Often in Black and African American communities the Church is placed in such high regard for providing help to for familial problems, mental health challenges, and therefore people are less likely to be open to seeking mental health services.

• Black and African American men are particularly concerned about stigma and there are so many challenges against them, that on top of everything else they are not wanting to succumb to another negative label.

Access

• Resources to healthcare and related resources are often limited to Black/African American families, thus this community is less likely to be aware of what resources are available. 

• Disparities in access to care and treatment for Black and African American people have also persisted over time.

• Black/African Americans often receive poorer quality of mental health care and lack access to culturally competent care

Knowledge and Education

• There is a need to acknowledge, inform, and provide solutions to the myriad of issues surrounding Black/African American mental health.

• Assumptions are made that mental illness equals crazy which equals hospitalization and medication as a requirement for treatment. Alternative methods are not often known. 

Treatment 

• Black and African American people with mental health conditions, specifically those involving psychosis, are more likely to be in jail or prison than people of other races. 

• Blacks and African Americans believe that mild depression or anxiety would be considered “crazy” in their social circles. Furthermore, many believe that discussions about mental illness would not be appropriate even among family. 

What are the ways Blacks/African Americans can tackle mental illness?

Compared to white adults, African Americans are only half as likely to use mental health services, and roughly 15 percent lack health insurance.

The implications of untreated mental illness can be significant. Mental illness is the leading cause of disability, and can cause severe emotional, behavioral and physical health problems. If you or someone you know suffers from mental illness, getting early treatment can significantly improve your health and combat the trend of undertreatment in our community. Here are four things we can do to make mental health a priority.

There are several important ways to address these challenges:

•  Do away with the mental health stigmas. Many African Americans believe mild depression or anxiety is considered “crazy” in their social circles, which creates a reluctance to talk about mental illness, even among family. Only 30% of African Americans believe mental illness is a legitimate health issue, and 60% mistakenly see depression as a personal weakness. These misconceptions are dangerous. Just like diabetes or high blood pressure, mental illness is a real health problem that can be diagnosed and treated. Left unchecked, mental illness can have serious consequences.

• Find a provider that can be trusted. This can be difficult for African Americans looking for cultural solidarity. Less than 2% of American Psychological Association members are African American, which leads to a perceived cultural gap in treatment, but there are providers who are trained and available to help. A simple interview can help clients decide whether a provider is culturally sensitive and right for them. Keep shopping just as a client would in finding the right doctor. There are many amazing therapists available to this community. Please check out our website at CCS.net for several providers who are culturally sensitive and experienced in working with Black/African American clients.

• Know the difference between physical and emotional symptoms. Many African Americans would rather be considered sick than crazy, and as a result, they are more inclined to talk about physical symptoms like headaches or digestive problems without addressing underlying causes like sadness or anxiety. Mental health begins with self-awareness and is contingent on the ability to talk candidly with a provider. Take stock in how you feel and make an appointment to discuss any red flags that are present notice. Treating minor problems today will help avoid more serious problems down the road.

•  Break the silence. Mental illness affects one in five adults, yet we still have a hard time talking about it. This irony is especially relevant for African Americans, who are 20% more likely to experience mental illness. Sadly, many are just as inclined to disregard mental illness as they are to treat it. Talking openly about mental health issues is a critical first step in normalizing problems, and this begins at home, in church and around the neighborhood. Shedding mental health stigmas is a community effort, and it needs to happen one conversation at a time.

Let us strive to live in a world where treating mental illness is just as important as treating heart disease, Covid or cancer. We need to work together to encourage a better understanding of mental health in the Black/African American community, and in the process, to embrace a culture of understanding and support for those who suffer. By identifying warning signs and seeking treatment, millions can improve their quality of life, and you can be one of them.

Effective mental health care for African Americans requires understanding, empathy, and confidence in what it specifically means to live as an African American in America, and in celebrating Black/African American history this month. As a Black/African American Counselor I have hope for our future and look forward to the day that more of our community obtain help with mental health issues and in the coming years there will be a changing narrative on how all Americans view mental illness. 

~Tosha, Associate Professional Clinical Counselor #7607

Regardless of the circumstances you are facing, it is important to know that you are not alone and we recognize seeking help takes courage. By doing this, you are one step closer to facing and working through the issues and challenges you are dealing with and I am here to help you.

I believe we are created for relationship with others and even with ourselves.  It is my desire for clients to discover how past and current relationships influence their behavior, thoughts, and feelings in order to bring about long-term change and healing.  I greatly enjoy working with children, adolescents, adults, clients with depression, anxiety, trauma, and low self-esteem. Also, I have a special focus in Christian therapy, should a client desire to include faith as a part of their work.  For many years, I was in leadership with a ministry called Celebrate Recovery, and I am thankful for the opportunity to walk alongside people during their addictions and challenges in their lives without criticism, judgment, but solely through unconditional support and understanding. I welcome these clients.  Additionally, I am proudly a Level 1 trained counselor in the Gottman Couples Method, use the Yerkovich’s How We Love couples therapy model while guiding couples at all stages in managing conflict and building a stronger friendship with one another.  Finally, I am a Southern California native who attended Concordia University Irvine where I received my Masters in Counseling.

Raising Your Grandchildren: The Good, The Hard & The In-between

No one ever expects to raise their grandchildren. When we’re young parents we envision becoming grandparents who have play dates with their grandchildren, pick them up on Friday’s at school, spoil them a bit too much… hopes much like those run through our minds. Yet, many Americans, and cultures all over the world, have grandparents raising their grandchildren. This can be a very challenging time & it’s important to grab onto the resources and help around you.

Let’s talk about the good, the hard, and the in-between of what it really means to raise your grandchildren.

Kinship care, or raising family members that aren’t your own children, can be rewarding as you watch them grow, first hand, help  them overcome their fears, and get a first row seat to watching your grandchildren become the people they were created to be- all in a safe, loving environment. The leisurely role of grandparent may slip away as you take on the day-to-day parenting responsibilities, so it’s important to stop and reflect. Taking a moment out of your day, or week, to be “grandma” or “grandpa”. Go get ice cream, don’t wash the dishes and play the game with the kids instead, laugh at the silly tv show, and enjoy the moment. The burden of responsibilities will always be looming, so try to find balance with it and catch a few “grandparent” moments as well.

It’s also important to to acknowledge the hard feelings, you know, the “I should have’s”, “why didn’t I’s”, and “Did I do enough’s?”. Stress is valid, your emotions are valid, and allowing yourself to feel is important. Acknowledge how you’re feeling, possibly pick up journaling, meditating, or listening to music and asking yourself, “How do I feel today?”. Give yourself the grace to feel and acknowledge those feelings. 

There are many resources available to those providing kinship care, from counseling, to support groups, and individual care. Asking for help doesn’t make you weak, it makes you real. And getting the support you need, means you can give your grandchildren the support they need. A healthy you = a healthy them. So don’t feel selfish for taking time for yourself. It’s easy to get caught up in the “to-do” list and let go of your own hobbies and friends. But I encourage you to hold on to those things as much as you can. Maybe you don’t get to go to every Wednesday morning breakfast with the crew, but you can do bi-weekly. Make the things you enjoy fit into your new schedule.

And while we’re talking about “new”- embrace it.

New schedules, new habits, new routines, new is okay. New is also scary and difficult, and exhausting at times. But soon, the new will become routine, and on those hard days, remind yourself that you are indeed stronger than you think you are. Hard days come, in every stage of life, and those are the days I like to allow myself a little indulgence; maybe I sleep in for 10 more minutes, or take a little bit of a longer shower & allow the steam to relax me, or pick the kids up from school and grab ice cream. 

Sometimes it’s easier to focus on what’s right in front of you, instead of the whole mountain ahead. What’s the next step? Okay, one foot in front of the other, I can take a few steps and not get overwhelmed. But when I look up the mountain, oh man! That’s another story. If you feel that way today, I encourage you to join me in focusing on the next step, and refocus your attention to what is in front of you right now.

What do you see?

What do you smell?

What texture do you feel?

For me, planning is key. I like to plan out my week so I have structure for me and those around me. If the parents are involved in your grandchildren’s lives, it’s important to map out visits with them and try to maintain a positive relationship with them.

Creating a routine of visits will help when planning out your schedule as well. Adding in exercise to your schedule will help keep you healthy and relieve stress as well; maybe it’s a walk with your neighbor or spouse, or alone- that one thing you get to do alone each day. 

My hope in sharing these tips with you is to remind you that you’re doing a great job (even when it doesn’t feel like it) and remind you that you are not alone. Life does a great job of throwing us curveballs, doesn’t it?


Below are some helpful links and resources available for grandparents raising grandchildren, or anyone parenting a second time. We’re also available to meet with you and walk with you through this season. Please feel free to reach out, we offer telehealth as well if you feel more comfortable with staying home. Call us today to schedule a time to talk: 951-778-0230

~Danisha McCrary, AMFT

Helpful Articles & Resources:

• https://www.helpguide.org/articles/parenting-family/grandparents-raising-grandchildren.htm

• https://www.aamft.org/Consumer_Updates/grandparents.aspx#:~:text=Find%20a%20Support%20System.,sources%20of%20support%20and%20assistance.

• https://acl.gov/programs/support-caregivers/supporting-grandparents-raising-grandchildren-0

• https://www.moneygeek.com/financial-planning/support-for-grandfamilies/

I found my passion for working with children, teens and families when I was a Social Worker for Child Protective Services. These families were struggling with issues of substance abuse, homelessness, mental disorders and traumatic events. As a counselor, I desire to assist families to overcome the obstacles that prevent healing, help manage stressful life events and find new healthy directions in life.

I am fond of saying, “we all can use a little bit of help from time to time; even me.”

Evolving and Having Hope for the New Year

The COVID-19 pandemic has disrupted everyone’s sense of stability, structure, and sense of control, yet again. This long-drawn-out time of uncertainty, combined with the social distancing that keeps us away from family, friends, and normal activities, has taken a significant toll on us physically, emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically. However, there is hope for the New Year, and this blog can help you nurture it. 

Hope is always important in our lives, but now it is more critical than ever. Hope can help you fight off depression and anxiety. Hope can motivate you to achieve your goals. Hope can help you be more resilient when we face challenging times. Hope can help you focus on the reality that you need to keep yourself safe by taking the health precautions recommended by the CDC and state and local governments.

Below are some helpful steps to take to reflect on 2021 and have hope in 2022:

1st Step - Self-Reflect and Review Our Experiences From 2021:

• Pause and Acknowledge – Speak in truth and acknowledge what our experience was like this past year.  Recognize that there have been challenges, difficulties, sadness, and many things that we had no control over. It’s ok. To reflect on these things, and we also need to choose to move forward, as well.

• Identify the Gifts and Positive Experiences – Acknowledge that there also were some things that we experienced that may have been positive, lessons learned, opportunities given, and personal growth. So it’s important to take some ownership for these things as well instead of focusing only on the negatives.

2nd Step  - Determine What We Want for 2022:

• Be Intentional – Incorporate what we want to focus on for the New Year. We can evolve and develop a new sense of self and be realistic about what we can change, yet not expect to change everything. Be careful about referring to Resolutions and instead be willing to have Evolutions in the New Year.  Select 1-2 things that were lessons that can apply towards wisdom and growth in this New Year.

• Expect and Hope for Good things to come – Love unconditionally, learn self-acceptance, improve self-worth and self-esteem, reduce stress, anxiety and depression, offer grace to yourself, and recognize life offers us choices and we can decide how we want to live it.

3rd Step – Evolving In The New Year Questions (Answer the following questions and share them with someone you really trust):

• Three Lessons I learned in 2021?

• The gifts of 2021 that I am carrying over into 2022?

• My thoughts about evolving instead of resolving?

• A few things I hope to grow through in 2022?

• My hope for 2022?

Make these a part of your goals for the New Year and celebrate that you made it through last year which was not easy. Believe in yourself and know that you are stronger than you may realize and have much to offer and accomplish in the New Year. 

It often takes more courage to have hope than not because you're being asked to look into the unknown and still believe all things are possible. Sometimes it is only hope that feeds our spirits and launches us to find the strength and power to carry on.

If we are hopeful, can bad things still happen in life? Yes, but we must remember good things happen too and sitting around feeling hopeless doesn't help anybody.  Feeling hopeful can help you develop a more open mind, which can help you access more possibilities, making it more likely you will find a resolution to your problems or a new way to live with whatever you face in the New Year.

As Martin Luther King, Jr. once said, "Everything that is done in the world is done by hope.”   So, let’s try to be more hopeful in 2022 because hope is the beginning of all that's possible to make the world a better place for everyone. 

Wishing all of you a Happy, Hopeful and Healthy New Year!!!!

~Tosha

I believe we are created for relationship with others and even with ourselves. It is my desire for clients to discover how past and current relationships influence their behavior, thoughts, and feelings in order to bring about long-term change and healing. I greatly enjoy working with children, adolescents, adults, clients with depression, anxiety, trauma, and low self-esteem.

Creating My Best Self in 2022

2022?! How is it already 2022?

It feels like we’ve all been through the ringer since COVID started almost 2 years ago. We’d all like to have a fresh start and not have the heaviness of it all on our shoulders. It seems like a new year would offer that to us. But…. Just like with New Year's Resolutions, a marker like the start of a new year doesn’t offer us anything more than the necessity of buying a new calendar. If anything, it puts  more pressure on us to “make this year the best ever!” I’ve done this more times than I can count and unfortunately, it’s hardly ever worked.

Have you ever made a resolution or new years goals that you followed for a month… or week… and then, just sort of gave up on? You’re not alone.

I’m not here to make you feel defeated already. I’d just like to give us a different perspective on “new year's resolutions”.  

My challenge to you is not to wait for a New Year’s Day or any other arbitrary day to begin making a positive change in your life. 

Changes are more likely to become part of your routine when you are motivated and are consistent. Strike while the iron’s hot and set yourself up for success as  soon as you have made the decision to do so. Even if you have a setback or two, picking yourself up and dusting off will allow you to reset and make any day a new beginning. 

It just so happens to be the first week of January, but don’t let that be the reason for change.

Becoming the best version of yourself is always a reason to strive for positive changes in your life. 

I challenge you to join me as we work on ourselves this year. Find a new healthy hobby, join that after work sports team, Saturday book club, schedule a coffee with friends, or visit family you haven’t seen in a while. Your health is important, make space for healthy habits. And when I say health, I’m talking whole person health: body, mind, emotions. So feed your soul, feed your mind, and feed your body. 

Researchers say it takes around 21 days to create a habit. Think about that for a second- any habitual thing you do in the next three weeks will become a habit. So, in these next 21 days what healthy habits are you creating? Maybe you’re setting a bed-time reminder to get the rest your body needs, maybe you’re adding veggies and whole foods to your diet, or journaling your thoughts and feelings. 

Can we all just agree that we should create a habit of positive self thoughts? Let’s partner together for the next 3 weeks to stop criticizing ourselves, redirect our negative thoughts, and give ourselves some much needed GRACE. You give it freely to others, don’t you deserve to give yourself a bit of grace as well? I’m guilty of it too. But making a conscious effort to think positively about yourself for 21 days will help create that health habit of self-love. 

Now, once we’ve mindfully practiced some healthy habits for 21 days, it should be our goal to keep them going throughout the year. 21 days isn’t a magical number that will keep you healthy all year round. Like anything, healthy habits take work. We must keep them in the forefront of our minds throughout the year and continue to practice the healthy habits we create this January. 

One way to do that is to write them down. Write out your goals, desires, and even baby steps to get there. And please, please celebrate the small victories along the way. Baby steps deserve recognition. 

Below is a template to help you write down your healthy habits. I encourage you to print this out, make it your lock screen on your phone, or put it somewhere you will see it each morning. I like to have mine taped on my bathroom mirror, so I am reminded of my healthy habits and goals each morning when I brush my teeth.  

I encourage you to print this out and fill it in with healthy, attainable goals/habits you’d like to focus on. Remember to think about your whole person (body, mind, soul) and create habits that feed you in all areas of your life. If you can’t think of healthy habits, below is a list that can help you; get creative, and personalize your list to fit your lifestyle. 

Sometimes we need someone to talk to or help us in creating healthy habits, overcoming trauma or past experiences. We’d love to walk alongside you. Feel free to contact us to make an appointment, 951-778-0230. 

You can also do so online here: https://www.centralcounselingservices.net/contact-us

Cheers to 2022, creating healthy habits and not waiting for “tomorrow” when we can work on becoming our best selves today! 

-Eric

I want to be present with others while they take amazingly courageous steps towards self-awareness. I enjoy being a therapist as I can witness others take possession of their lives and create change through action. I am hopeful that I may be able to help unlock the power of healing within each client so that they would relieve themselves of the need to have therapy. I hold myself to a high standard such that client care is my utmost priority. I work towards maintaining professional and ethical values to reduce any conflicts and best support the client.

Finding Your Joy!

Wow, did you see that beautiful butterfly? Was that a dog… in a Santa costume?!

Or when was the last time you laughed out loud or sang along to your favorite song?

Have you crossed anything off your “To Do” List or enjoyed a good meal with a friend?

Can these small moments really make a difference in our mood?

The answer is yes, yes they can!

And as 2021 comes to and end and we are putting away the holiday décor, it might be difficult for some to find their joy.

In this blog I would like to share why I feel joy is important and how you can find it all around you.

Joy is experienced by each of us differently.

For some it is hugging their dog, or talking a walk. Meditation or gardening enables others to find their joy. For me, I find my joy when I notice my environment. I see a beautiful butterfly and in that moment I am relaxed. I feel a sense of calm.

My problems and concerns are still there but they take a backseat to the joy that I am experiencing. In that moment everything is alright in my world.

So WHY is it important to find your joy? When we experience joy we are actually having a change in our neurochemistry. Our brains are secreting hormones that relaxes and enable us to feel pleasure, satisfaction, a sense of happiness, optimism and wellbeing. These hormones are important as they bolster our mood, refill our emotional tanks and remind us that we will be okay. These hormones signal that we can find our emotional wellbeing despite what might be going on in our lives.

Often when we are upset, struggling with an issue, our thoughts are focused on what is

upsetting us. When we find our joy it reminds us that there is more to life than our problems. It does not mean that one’s problems have disappeared. What it can provide is a respite from the emotional pain. A reset and change of perspective.

How do you find joy in your own life?

I believe that it starts with mind and body awareness.

When you are aware of your body, being mindful of how you are feeling both physically and emotionally, you are better able to recognize moment of joy. This includes being aware of your environment and how you are moving around in it. Are you in a rush? Are you breathing? All are all aspects of mindfulness. When you are practicing mindfulness you are open to recognizing moments of joy.

So, as you put away your holiday décor, my hope is that you stop, breathe and take a look

around you. Did you find a surprise candy cane still hanging on the tree? Are you enjoying a playful moment with your kids? Wherever you find yourself, may you notice your JOY.

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When Leann is not talking with her clients at Central Counseling Services, you can find her in the garden looking at the butterflies and smiling.

Throughout my 10 years of working in the mental health field, whether it be inpatient care, outpatient mental health, medical setting or authorizing mental health treatment for an insurance company, the goal is the same. Listen. Be present for what is being said with nonjudgment and support. I have worked with children, adolescents and families who have struggled with depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, ADHD, substance abuse, trauma and neglect. I have sat on both sides of the chair and understand what it means to be facing a crisis and how to move

forward and regain your equilibrium. My theoretical foundation lies in strength based therapy. I believe in the transformative power of listening and being present in a safe and nonjudgmental space. When you take that first step and reach out for help you have already started the healing process. Therapy is a safe place where you can unburden yourself, where the therapist is the

keeper of the faith that things will get better even if it feels like things will never change. I help you see the progress made and the inner strength reflected in yourself. You learn the skills to empower you to go forward and face what life may bring. Treatment approaches of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, Mindfulness and Mood regulation are a few of ways in which I can help to address your issues.

I look forward to working with you as you begin your journey of healing.

Let's Talk About It: Codependency

Let’s Talk About Codependency… 

Many of us are quite familiar with the word codependency. We often associate it with someone who is “needy” or who relies on others to do every day life. In reality, codependency is far more than just relying on others; it is a maladaptive way of maintaining interpersonal relationships and a skewed view of self.

How then can we spot a codependent relationship? Well, the answer is not too simple since we often get misinformed through media. Before I suggest a few yellow flags to look for, please keep in mind the following two points:

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1. Shame: it is my belief that shaming people for having patterns of codependency is unfair and harmful. A person with codependent traits is only trying to relate and survive in this harsh world

and

1. Culture: it is important to recognize that interdependence (a balanced relationship where both parties work together to meet each other’s needs) is not the same thing as codependency.

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Those two points set aside, the following are just but a few characteristics (or yellow flags) of codependent relationships and is not an exhaustive list. One last point, as informative as the below information can be, remember to use it as a resource to compliment a responsible discussion with a health care professional.

Yellow flags of codependent relationships and/or codependent tendencies:

1. Guilt: difficulty saying “no” due to fear of harming other’s feelings

2. Prioritizing needs: difficulty putting your needs first, before those of others.

3. Isolation: other relationships and needs are placed second over spending time with the person you are enmeshed with.

4. Circular relationships: a person needs another person, who in turn needs to be needed

5. Unsolicited caretaking: when a person feels that they have to care of everyone all the time

6. Addiction: often, one or both people in the codependent relationship have an addiction problem to substances

7. Lack of differentiation: difficulty identifying own needs/wants

In life we have balance, thus, if you believe you are in a codependent relationship, know that the opposite exists- you can grow to have healthier relationship patterns! If you recognize a love in the above descriptions, please help destigmatize codependency and provide them with support so that they can find their own path to healing.

If you are interested in obtaining more information, check out the Co-Dependent Anonymous website  https://coda.org/meeting-materials/patterns-and-characteristics-2011/

Do not forget to schedule an appointment with a mental health professional 

Feel free to contact us by calling 951-778-0230 or texting us at 951-323-2182

As a couples and family therapist, I have vast training and experience working with Children (ages 4 to 12 years old), adolescents (ages 13 to 19 years old), young adults (ages 20 to 35 years old), and middle age/older adults and family therapy. I also have a background working with individuals and families impacted by crime, and have provided crisis intervention/stabilization.

I have a special interest in helping my clients address a variety of mental health concerns, including anxiety, depression, self-esteem, relational issues, women’s health, Latinx, grief/loss, autism, overall life transitions, issues concerning LGBTQIA+ community, trauma and PTSD. I have worked in multiple settings including schools, community mental health agencies and private practice.

I graduated from the California School of Professional Psychology at Alliant International University with an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy and an emphasis on Latin American Family Therapy. I provide psychotherapy services in both English and Spanish.

If you are curious about what therapy can look like but unsure it is for you, I would love to discuss options to address your current situation. 

Managing Grief And The Holidays

Here come the holidays- and the grief

Let’s manage it!

The holidays are around the corner. Well, 2 corners on the calendar, but it seems to be speeding up, doesn’t it? There is even a shortage of the foods many look forward to, which is adding to that sense of needing to be ready. 

But what about those of us who have had losses this year? Covid has taken a toll on all of us. Even if you escaped illness and loss, we all faced the loss of parts of our year. And in some families the politics surrounding the pandemic has splintered the normal gathering now that we can finally have a gathering again. 

Acknowledging grief at this time of year can be kind of awful. It can be awkward as some of us stumble over what to say- do we say the names of those missing? Do we talk about them? Do we just keep busy and hope nobody will bring it up? What do we do with our own sadness right now? 

As a grief therapist I want you to know you have permission to talk about the loved ones who are missing from your table, and to include them in your special days. Teach the littles in your family that grief is normal and part of life, and that it is not scary. If yours is a family that does not talk about loss you can be the rule breaker this year. Trust me- there will be a lot of that across the country and the globe. 

There are great children’s books you can read to normalize the experience of someone missing. Try “The Invisible String” – or “The Invisible Leash” if a beloved pet is missing. If you need more ideas ask your counselor at Central Counseling Services- we have grief resources!

Some other ideas:

• Light a memorial candle. Invite children and other friends/family to share memories.

• Write a card or letter to the person who died.

• Write memories on strips of paper and use them to create a paper chain in colors for Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, or Christmas. 

• Hang a special decoration in memory of the person, such as a wreath or stocking, or set out a special menorah for them and take turns through the eight nights lighting the candles and sharing a memory.  If a stocking is used, family members can place cards or pieces of paper with memories inside.

• Buy a gift the person would have liked and donate it to a charity, or a meal to a food program or senior center. 

• Giftwrap a box and make an opening in the top for family and friends to share written memories. At a special time the box can be unwrapped and the memories shared.

• Set a special memorial place at the table during a holiday meal.

• Create a memorabilia table or corner where you can place photos, stuffed animals, toys, cards, foods, and any other kinds of mementos.

• Share one of the person’s favorite foods or meals. Food can be a great spark for sharing memories, as well as a sense of security. 

I hope your holiday season is special as we navigate back into family and friends to celebrate. If you find yourself struggling, Central Counseling Services has therapists available to help, including clinicians for anyone who does not have insurance through our new nonprofit branch. We can be reached at (951) 778-0230

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As a therapist and a social worker I work from your strengths to enhance the skills you already have and to address the issues holding you back or disrupting your life. My goal is to assist you in reaching a more satisfying state in your life, to reduce your stress, and to make home a better place to be. My specialties include working through grief and loss (including children's grief and anticipatory grief), chronic illness issues, depression and mood disorders, trauma recovery, adoption and infertility issues, and geriatric and aging issues. I have extensive experience in sexual assault recovery. I am available for crisis intervention in the workplace. I am a speaker/trainer and have provided training to parenting groups, educational support groups, community groups and employer groups. Some of my topics include Alzheimer, dementia, caregiving 101, child abuse reporting laws, parenting the adoptive child and trauma recovery. I currently, facilitate a dementia support group (see events page) and I worked with a group to develop the City of Riverside into a "Purple City" to help people with memory care issues. I am a member of the National Association of Social Workers (NASW) and I am Certified as a Grief Recovery Method® Specialist.

Self-Care: How To Fill Your Tank

I’m sure you’ve heard the term “Self-Care” but what is it, and why do I need to do it? 

Self-Care is defined as the practice of taking action to preserve or improve one’s health. 

Think of it this way, our body is like a car, and car’s need fuel to perform. Like that car, we need to take care of ourselves and get refueled each day.

 Have you ever woke up and felt great- so great that you could take on the world? This is because you fueled your body! You got enough sleep, fed yourself, drank plenty of water, did activities you enjoy. You know these days- where you can let minor problems roll off your back, and nothing can get you down. 

How can you have this feeling every day? 

The answer is self-care!  

It’s December, one of the busiest months of the year.  I know so many of us have never ending to-do lists this month, social events, family events, and self-care usually takes a back seat. However, each day we need to fill our gas tank to be the best person we can be. Our tank gets depleted with all the tasks we do in a day. Our tank gets empty with work, then a little more with that commute home. The tank spills out even a little bit more when we come home to take care of our families and that never ending to-do list: cooking, cleaning, and helping kids do their homework... until our tank is empty or almost empty. 

Just like a car, when the tank is empty, you’re going nowhere fast.

If you don’t fill your tank, you start the next day empty. These are the days where we feel tired and grumpy, or just not like ourselves. When our tanks are empty, it is hard to do anything, and when a minor problem comes up, it makes it hard to roll off our backs. These are the times when we feel stress creep in even more.

When we feel this way, it’s important to S T O P and take note and ask ourselves if we’ve filled our tank lately. If you haven’t, know you’re not alone. We all struggle with it and our busy culture, work and family life can make it difficult to focus on self-care. Maybe you feel selfish when you take a moment for yourself, I know I can feel that way. But we must remind ourselves that self-care is not selfish. Self-care is the fuel that drives us to care for those around us. So, what can you do to fill that tank back up? 

Self-Care will help you be the best employee or employer, the best mom or dad, and the best person you can be. It is by taking care of yourself to be healthy, doing your job, and taking care of others. Self-Care helps you fill that tank up to do all the things you need to do and stay healthy to do them. 

Please don’t take my word for it. The World Health Organization defines self-care as: “the ability of individuals, families, and communities to promote health, prevent disease, maintain health, and to cope with illness and disability with or without the support of a healthcare provider.” Wikipedia says, “Self-care has been defined as the process of taking care of oneself with behaviors that promote health and active management of illness when it occurs. Individuals engage in some form of self-care daily with food choices, exercise, sleep, and dental care.” 

Let’s also look at some things that Self-Care is not. 

Self-Care is not being selfish, and self-care is not synonymous with self-indulgence. Self-care means taking care of yourself to be healthy, to be well. Unfortunately, many people view self-care as a luxury rather than a priority. Consequently, they're left feeling overwhelmed, tired and find it hard to handle life's inevitable challenges.  Many of my clients who come to me because of anxiety or depression have difficulty self-care.

 We need to start looking at Self-Care differently. We need to start incorporating it into our lives daily. It is crucial, just like brushing our teeth and showering, to be healthy. 

It is essential to assess how you're caring for yourself in several different domains so you can ensure you're caring for your mind, body, and spirit. Self-Care is anything that we deliberately do or refrain from doing with our well-being in mind. It means giving ourselves the same grace, compassion, and care that we provide to others.

We all take care of our physical health. Did you know our emotional health is just as important? I want to ask you, what are you doing for your emotional health?  How are you taking care of your emotional health? I hope now you will say, I practice self-care every day. I bet many of you were doing self-care and did not even know it.  

If you do not have any ideas on what you can do for self-care, you can download my self-care list. I give this list to my clients and hope it will help you as well. 

So remember to care for yourself this week, and to refuel that tank so you can be the best version of yourself! If you’d like to talk about self-care or anything else, I’d love to meet with you. Feel free to reach out for an appointment, 951-778-0230.

~Diana

I have always wanted to help people and have been working in the mental health field for the past twenty years. I enjoy being a therapist and seeing my clients improve their lives. My past clients have suffered with all types of trauma including domestic violence, human trafficking, sexual or physical abuse. People come in to see me often feel broken, scared, ashamed, worthless. It is so gratifying to see my clients getting better and living their full lives free of guilt and shame. I also have experiences working with men, women, teens and children. Specifically, I have worked with men struggling with addiction and the process of recovery. I have an in-depth understanding of how addiction, trauma, domestic violence, childhood abuse and sexual exploration impacts my clients and how these struggles can affect an individual, couple and the family relationships. I do not want you to feel you are alone with no where to turn.

What Does Thanksgiving Look Like?

Thanksgiving evokes from me a time to sit around a table with family and friends and talk about the year's past.  Since this time of COVID, I'm aware many of our family and friends may not be present, through illness, or they are fearful of getting together like they once did or fear someone has Covid, and of course, those who are not living any longer as those we had to say goodbye to.  So, I ask myself, “What does Thanksgiving look like now?” What does it look like to be thankful, have traditions, and gather with others in a Covid-19 world?

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This year has been different in how we are saying goodbye to our loved ones– Hospitals limited us to only one person allowed to visit at a time. Clients have reported hearing the nurses say, "we're sorry there are no admits to this wing at this time."  

Another significant change is that we couldn't bury the departed like we used to. We had to do virtual services instead of in-person services. I observed, just last week, a gathering where I live that had been postponed for over six months. Finally, these folks got together in the dining room to say goodbye to the departed loved one; her friends and family surrounded the widow and began singing together. They told tales of her departed husband and brought pictures to talk about him and his life with her. No one should have to wait such a long time to grieve, but we all had to be safe!

I also see from TV and Social media "what the Thanksgiving holiday is supposed to be" –"What it's supposed to look like"

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the perfect picture: turkey waiting to be sliced up, mashed potatoes,  veggies, salad, pumpkin pie -and, I am aware for many folks, they have been living on the street or living with relatives (if that lucky) or those who don't want to live anywhere but on the street, where they say they feel they are safer than cooped up in a rental apartment.

Their Thanksgiving looks very different than my Thanksgiving. 

Many people are generous, they choose to work in food banks or feeding the hungry on Thanksgiving. I've been fortunate to never find myself in such straights.  And, so I ask myself what "can I really do for the less fortunate ?"

There are many ways I can volunteer in my area: be on the food lines, help prepare a meal, help deliver a meal for that week, listen to elderly neighbors tell their stories, and so forth. 

As a therapist, I console others at times, assisting clients when they find themselves alone.

Not all of us have family, spouses, or close friends.

But in this time of COVID, we also are so isolated and alone, especially now as we all try to find some peace and resemblance of normalcy. 

As a therapist, I am genuinely interested in "their stories." Stories of family, children, their work lives, now-today lives. Take time to listen. Better yet, If you can extend yourself safely to your neighbors, check in with them in person or on Zoom, call them or Facetime.

Leave a piece of pie for them. 

Make that extra time to say hello or share a meal.

We have all had a tough year. 

May you enjoy the Thanksgiving you create this Season. 

~Judy

Judy provides Clinical Supervision at Central Counseling Services in Riverside. She is a Mother, Grandmother, and GG, and loves the work she does at CCS.  She enjoys trainings on the most recent theories in our work, and has specialties of working with First Responders, Trauma victims, and providing workshops on Prevention of Suicide with her colleague Sherry Shockey-Pope. Call us today if you would like to work with Judy.

Managing Anxiety During the Holiday

For some, the holidays bring good will and happy times spent with family.  There is the joy of decorating and reconnecting with loved ones away from the usual structure of work or school life.  For others, holidays are the culmination of everyday stress with the addition of planning holiday dinners and parties, managing holiday spending, and spending time with family, which can sometimes come with complicated relationships or even recent or not so recent losses.  It is no wonder that many struggle with anxiety during the holiday season.  

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Do you find that anxiety or even seasonal depression starts to rear its ugly head sometime in late October to mid-November?

If you do, you are not alone! 

Between late November and the New Year, we enter the season, which includes Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Winter Solstice, and New Year’s Eve to name a few.

Anxiety is one of the most frequently diagnosed mental health concerns for people throughout the world.

If you already struggle with anxiety, the holidays can often add to your everyday triggers for anxiety, leaving you feeling overwhelmed and depleted. The holiday season often brings memories of special people who are no longer with us or past traumas.  It is for this reason; we will want to take extra special care of ourselves during this time of year.

Anxiety can be felt in our body in many ways.  Some people experience headaches, dizziness stomachaches, nausea, increased heart rate (pounding in the chest), pressure/pain in the chest, crying spells, shutting down, zoning out, feeling more lethargic, and difficulty concentrating to name a few.  When you notice your body feeling like things are spinning out of control, it is important to remember that your nervous system is responding to those anxiety triggers in three possible ways: fight, flight, and freeze.

If the holidays are leaving you feeling panicked, worried, stressed, and physically uncomfortable in your body, you may be experiencing an activation of your nervous system called hyperarousal or fight/flight. Below is a list of things you can do to help you when you feel this way:

• Name it-identify what is making you feel anxious

• Bake or cook 

• Dim the lights

• Take a screen break for 60 minutes or more

• Take slow, deep breaths for counts of four, in through the nose for four seconds, pause for four seconds, and loud exhales for four seconds. Take a normal resting breath in between the long breaths. Do that for a cycle of four.  If you need more, do another cycle of four

• Listen to calm, mellow music

• Try some gentle yoga, (all available via google search, if needed), such as child’s pose, forward fold, or legs at the wall. Pair your breath work with the yoga for best results

• Play with a fidget toy or stress ball

• Use a weighted blanket

• Splash cold water on your face or take a cold shower

• Talk to a safe person

• Enjoy cooling scents such as lavender or vanilla

• Close your eyes and be still

• Pray or meditate

If you find you are in shutdown mode, which is “freeze” in terms of your nervous system, you might feel like you are zoned out, lethargic, or having some seasonal depression the following coping strategies may help:

• Name it-Identify you are in shutdown or freeze mode

• Use citrus, peppermint, or a scent you have an emotional connection to

• Take a walk, dance, or find a way to increase your heart rate

• Turn the lights on

• Eat some food

• Listen to some powerful or uplifting music

• Identify sensations in your body

• Press your feet into the ground

• Tap into a passion

• Gargle

• Dance, shake your body, jump

• Tap your chest, legs, arms, and face

• Use your senses with grounding (Breathe into your chest, your arms, your hands, your legs, your feet)

• Reach out to a loved one

If you notice that your anxiety and possibly, depression are not responding to the coping skills listed above, please take the time to share with a trusted therapist or your physician for additional help, exploration of additional coping skills, and if needed, medical support. 

Wishing you wellness from Central Counseling as we move into this holiday season!

~ Colleen Duggin, LCSW

I enjoy partnering with you as begin taking steps toward healing and feeling better. I understand that making the choice to see a therapist may be difficult for you and my goal is to provide a safe and comforting environment for you to work through problems in your life.

Traditions Are Everywhere, Make Self-Care One Of Yours!

The last few days different traditions have taken place around the world. Here in the US, lots of kids went Trick or Treating on October 31 for Halloween. Other parts of the world celebrated All Saints Day on November 1  (celebrated in honor of all the saints, known and unknown) which is followed on November 1st and 2nd  by Day of the Dead or also called  Día de los Muertos, a more Latin American custom where it is      believed that the souls of the dead return to visit their living family members.

Most of these holidays are related to honoring our deceased. Many of us have experienced significant losses this past year to year and a half due to the COVID 19 pandemic.

As I realized how many of these different traditions occurred over the last week, I became intrigued with how different cultures view death. In America we are familiar with the traditional funeral where family members, friends and relatives gather around the body (often wearing all black) and later there is a ceremony held in a church, synagogue or temple with a rabbi, priest or other officiant leading the service. At other times, instead of a funeral, there is a memorial service, which is much of the same structure as a funeral although the deceased’s body is not present at the service. Because a memorial service occurs after the remains have been cared for, there is often more room for creativity. This is because the family can take more time to plan a ceremony and decide how they want to pay tribute to their loved one. More recently there is a trend of honoring the dead with a celebration of life ceremony which is usually a more relaxed and party-like atmosphere with guests sharing stories about their loved ones.

The celebration of life sounds similar to South American people honoring their dead by holding a ‘vela’ where guests share memories of their loved ones while eating and drinking.

In Africa, most believe in ancestors (the dead who continue living and guiding their family in the afterlife) and they believe that the ancestor will become a wandering ghost if a proper funeral or burial didn’t take place. With lots of different tribes (over 3,000) and countries, there are many different traditions.

The different countries in Asia have their own specific way in viewing death and have their own unique rituals and customs. For example, in China, mirrors are removed, and cloth is hung on the doorway of their homes. Which has some similarities to Russia, where before funeral mirrors are covered and clocks are stopped to avoid more death in the family. That’s similar to the changes made to sit Shiva in the Jewish tradition.

In Western Europe, the traditional mass followed by a grave burial are influenced by beliefs in a higher power that influences funeral traditions.

I am so in awe about so many different ways and traditions to honor our death. What is important in any culture, I think, is taking care of ourselves in those difficult times too. Partially this might be accomplished by having your family and/or friends around you for support. But selfcare also consists in making sure we eat, get sleep, regular medical care and hopefully are able to go outside in the fresh air. Other possibilities for selfcare could be: finding a hobby, watching a funny movie, reading a book, cuddling with a pet, and/or not working during your time off.

Let’s try a self care activity: Pick a window and spend a few minutes looking outside. Notice what’s happening. What shapes, colors, patterns do you see? Do you notice anything new?

Creating the tradition of self-care, not only in the difficult times when someone died, but any time is important.

To discover more about the importance of self-care and/or ideas for self-care, don’t hesitate to reach out to myself or my colleagues at Central Counseling Services. We are here to guide and help you find the right selfcare tradition for you. You can reach us at (951) 778-0230.

Ilse enjoying nature to practice self-care.

I earned my Master degree in Clinical Psychology from Vrije Universiteit Brussel. Yes, that’s in Belgium where there is no IN-N-Out or 91 freeway. I’m a member of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists and California Association for Licensed Professional Clinical Counselors. That allows me to provide extra resources and educational opportunities to give you the best care you deserve.

I welcome clients from all cultural backgrounds, family structure, beliefs and ages, and work with most issues. My colleagues and clients call me the “resource Queen.” That means if even one client needs a resource or a new approach, I will find it and we will use it. My commitment is always to provide my clients with the best care and most current resources.

Call our office at (951) 778-0230 to set up an appointment. The office is open seven days a week, and I am available weekdays. I will see you soon.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life, let’s make it:

● great

● worthwhile

● count

● awesome

● wonderful

....... it’s up to you!

--

Ilse Aerts, M.S., LMFT # 96211, LPCC # 6135,CCTP, CATP

Practice Of The Podcast: Episode 92

Sherry and Jill were featured on Practice of The Practice Podcast #92!

Listen in on their tips to growing a large and successful group practice that serves the needs of its community.

Listen Here!

For more tips on growing your practice, check out our Therapist in a Box Tool Kit!