Blog
Memorial Day is More Than Just Another Weekend
As members of the workforce, we often find it exciting to have a 3-day weekend to spend with the family, with friends, or doing some of our favorite activities. One of those weekends happens to be Memorial Day Weekend. However, it’s important to remember the commemoration of Memorial Day - that it’s more than just a weekend, it’s to honor those who have died in military services.
As members of the workforce, we often find it exciting to have a 3-day weekend to spend with the family, with friends, or doing some of our favorite activities. One of those weekends happens to be Memorial Day Weekend. However, it’s important to remember the commemoration of Memorial Day - that it’s more than just a weekend, it’s to honor those who have died in military services.
Memorial Day, which is celebrated on the last Monday in the month of May, serves to honor those who died in military service to the nation. According to the United Service Organizations, this holiday’s roots trace back to post-Civil war era, when citizens would informally place spring flower memorials on the graves of fallen soldiers. By the late 1960’s, Congress passed the Uniform Monday Holiday Act to establish Memorial Day as a calendar day, and by the 1970’s it had officially transformed into a legal 3-day holiday weekend.
It’s important to acknowledge that the families who have had to endure the loss of their loved one and beloved service member a day of remembrance. The loss of a loved one never truly leaves their loved ones. Rather, the families and friends of these fallen service members have had to endure their loss, grow around their grief, and continue on.
Memorial Day is more than just a 3-day weekend filled with activities, discounted sales, and the kickoff for the summer. It is a day of collective remembrance for those who have died in military service and the grief that their loved ones experience.
Cecilia Fabe, ACSW
I believe that you are truly capable of overcoming life’s difficulties through thoughtful therapeutic guidance.
Dealing with life’s stressors can often be overwhelming, and continuing to experience emotional stressors can create a debilitating impact upon the relationship you have with yourself and others. Just because you experience these stressors, doesn’t mean you have to go face them all alone. Whether it be depression, anxiety, hopelessness, relationship conflicts, etc. I hope to be your trusted support.
My name is Cecilia, and I am a compassionate, empathetic clinical therapist. I obtained my B.A. in psychology from UC Riverside and my Master of Social Work from Loma Linda University. My professional experience includes providing individual and group therapy services in the outpatient setting in both mental health and substance abuse clinics. I provide counseling for teens, adults, and couples.
My focus is on providing trauma-informed care that is client-centered and strengths-based. I have the strong belief that treatment is focused on you, and that you are truly capable of overcoming life’s difficulties, especially through thoughtful therapeutic guidance.
I provide services utilizing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), Solution Focused Brief Therapy, Trauma-Informed Systems, as well as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) Therapy. I provide therapy in both English and Tagalog!
My hope is to provide you with a safe space to be able to work through life’s stressors and for you to feel supported, empowered, & capable.
Stress-Relief Tips for Working Moms
Working moms are no strangers to stress. From having to balance with the expectations to carry out at any workplace, working moms also have to bear with the emotional rollercoaster of anxiety, guilt, frustration, joy, and all other emotions that come with motherhood. It is important to practice some self-care in between all of the highs and lows of being a mother and being part of a workforce.
It’s no secret that working moms are no strangers to stress. We have to balance the expectations of our workplaces, home, friends and family, and at the same time cope with the emotional rollercoaster of anxiety, guilt, frustration, joy, and all other emotions that come with motherhood. It is important to practice some self-care in between all of the highs and lows of being both a mother and being part of the workforce. I wanted to share some ideas about ways you can relieve the stress that comes from living in both of these worlds (and the rest of the world around us- inflation, traffic, conflict, elections, social justice- there is just so much, isn’t there?).
Organize and Plan
As a working mom, it can be quite difficult to keep tabs on everything. Taking some time to sit down, plan, and organize events with your family members can be a huge help. Oftentimes, stress is rooted in the fear of the unpredictable. Planning ahead and penciling in your own routine/family routines helps to provide less fuss and fight throughout the week. You might want to display your schedule or routine by keeping a planner and writing things down on a whiteboard or large wall calendar at home to display for all to see. (That makes the rest of the family become involved and responsible for their activities as well. That’s great for teaching kids coping skills and time management!) (And that moms have limits on time that is available)
Get Connected with Loved Ones
Humans are social creatures, and we often crave that connection to others. Research studies have shown that kids who often feel neglected tend to act out more, and working moms often struggle with the guilt of not spending enough time with them. In order to reduce this stress, it’s important to find ways to connect and relieve stress at the same time. Along with planning ahead, take the time to enjoy the company of your child, family, friends, and community. Try a five minute sharing time daily, or fifteen minutes twice a week with your teen.
Set Boundaries!
Every relationship needs to respect the importance of saying “no”. Working moms already have many roles to play and events scheduled on their planner. In order to keep from feeling too overwhelmed, it’s important to say “no” to the stuff that distracts or disrupts you maintaining your self-esteem, family unit, and success. It’s okay to say “no” to keep your peace. Remember that “no” is a complete sentence. No excuses or explanations are needed.
Practice Gratitude
Working moms tend to have busy schedules that feel like they have no room left. Despite that it is important to take a minute to practice gratitude. Research has shown that practicing gratitude can boost self-esteem, foster resilience, and can assist our children to grow up to be happier people. According to a 2008 research study from the Journal of School Psychology, children who grew up with gratitude practice reported more happiness, more satisfaction, and reported better social support. Show your kids that you are naming your gratitude in the morning and evening and help them do it too.
Practice Mindfulness
Taking the time to practice a short minute of mindfulness helps working moms to press the pause button on their busy lives. What’s so beneficial of practicing mindfulness is its convenience. Working moms can practice a sensory activity while sipping on their morning coffee – noting the aroma, the heat from the mug, and taking a tasteful first sip. Working moms can also take the time to practice mindfulness while preparing dinner for their family or as they are reading a bed-time story for their children.
I hope this was helpful – I know I need a reminder once in a while as well. If you need more information or would like to work with me I can be reached at Central Counseling Services, www.centralcounselingservices.com (951) 778-0230. I love helping working moms cope, parent, and thrive.
Marika Lopez
Student I
Morin, A. 2020, November 11. How to Teach Children Gratitude. VeryWellMind. https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-teach-children-gratitude4782154#:~:text=can%20be%20worthwhile.-,Research%20and%20Evidence,up%20to%20be%20happier%20people.
CECILIA FABE, ACSW
I believe that you are truly capable of overcoming life’s difficulties through thoughtful therapeutic guidance.
Dealing with life’s stressors can often be overwhelming, and continuing to experience emotional stressors can create a debilitating impact upon the relationship you have with yourself and others. Just because you experience these stressors, doesn’t mean you have to go face them all alone. Whether it be depression, anxiety, hopelessness, relationship conflicts, etc. I hope to be your trusted support.
My name is Cecilia, and I am a compassionate, empathetic clinical therapist. I obtained my B.A. in psychology from UC Riverside and my Master of Social Work from Loma Linda University. My professional experience includes providing individual and group therapy services in the outpatient setting in both mental health and substance abuse clinics. I provide counseling for teens, adults, and couples.
My focus is on providing trauma-informed care that is client-centered and strengths-based. I have the strong belief that treatment is focused on you, and that you are truly capable of overcoming life’s difficulties, especially through thoughtful therapeutic guidance.
I provide services utilizing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), Solution Focused Brief Therapy, Trauma-Informed Systems, as well as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) Therapy. I provide therapy in both English and Tagalog!
My hope is to provide you with a safe space to be able to work through life’s stressors and for you to feel supported, empowered, & capable.
Borderline Personality Disorder and Relationships
Let's talk about borderline personality disorder (BPD) and relationships. The first thing we want to do is recognize the traits of borderline personality disorder. People with BPD tend to have an intense fear of being left alone or abandoned. Regardless of whether such abandonment is real or imagined, the individual may take extreme measures to avoid possible separation or rejection.
Let's talk about borderline personality disorder (BPD) and relationships. The first thing we want to do is recognize the traits of borderline personality disorder. People with BPD tend to have an intense fear of being left alone or abandoned. Regardless of whether such abandonment is real or imagined, the individual may take extreme measures to avoid possible separation or rejection. These measures can include threatening self-harm, starting fights and arguments, and engaging in jealous behaviors. Unfortunately, these behaviors can cause an adverse reaction and cause the other partner to withdraw, which is the one thing that the person with a borderline personality disorder is trying to prevent.
BPD tends to make maintaining healthy relationships very challenging. A person with BPD tends to have a very black and white way of thinking about people, seeing them as all good or all bad. This causes frequently shifting attitudes towards others that range from extreme closeness and love (idealization) to extreme dislike or anger (devaluation). What this can look like "I love you " now" I hate you" behavior.
People with BPD also struggle with identity disturbances. Their ability to be independent and autonomous is significantly impaired. They may also have constantly shifting ideas of who they are or what they want in life, including changing partners often, which can further uphold their unstable view of relationships.
Impulsive, risky, and often self-destructive behaviors are also common for those with BPD. This can include actually ending a healthy relationship.
Suicidal thoughts and behavior are not uncommon for those who struggle with BPD. This suicidal behavior includes thinking about suicide, making suicidal threats, or carrying out a suicide attempt.
Another common symptom of BPD is emotional volatility, with intense mood swings ranging from extreme happiness to despair the next. They have a lot of trouble regulating their emotions. While these mood swings tend to pass fairly quickly, typically lasting only a few minutes or hours, they can also persist for several days in some cases. Behaviors associated with this can include starting arguments with your partner. These behaviors are very trying for the partner, and the partner is often left with little direction on how to fix it.
Those with borderline personality disorder often have difficulty feeling empathy for others. Studies have shown that those with BPD often have reduced activity in the brain regions that support empathy, leading to difficulty maintaining interpersonal relationships. This reduced activity means that those with BPD have difficulty understanding and predicting how others may feel in certain situations. Thus making the partner feel misunderstood and feeling alone.
BPD is one of the most stigmatized mental health conditions. Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental illness that affects adults in the United States alone. Those who develop BPD tend to begin exhibiting signs by early adulthood.
Let's talk about how one "gets" borderline personality disorder.
Genetics might make you more vulnerable to developing BPD, but often it's due to stressful or traumatic life experiences that these vulnerabilities are triggered and become a problem. Either natural or fear of abandonment in childhood or adolescence, a disrupted family life, or poor communication in the family. Another factor contributing to BPD is sexual, physical, or emotional abuse from childhood.
There is evidence that those diagnosed with BPD are more likely to have had a history of abuse or other distressing experiences during childhood. Studies have shown that 40% to 76% of people with BPD report being sexually abused as children, and 25% to 73% report being physically abused. Both physical and emotional neglect can also be contributing factors.
Treatment
With treatment and continual support from family and partners, people with BPD can have successful relationships. Dialectical behavioral therapy is commonly used with people who have BPD. A therapist will help you learn to respond to emotional situations with reason and proper judgment. This will reduce the dichotomous thinking (the belief that everything is black and white) that so many people with BPD have.
Part of caring for a partner with BPD is understanding what they're experiencing. Understanding the level of emotional disorder they experience can help you respond in a way that protects both of you from other chaos.
If you have BPD or have a partner with BPD give me a call and let’s work together to create a healthier and happier relationship.
Courtney Whetstone, LMFT
I became a therapist because I want to help people who are struggling to change their lives. I work with clients in a caring and compassionate manner, and I tailor the treatment to fit their needs and goals. You are the most important part of your treatment - it needs to relate to your life in a way that works for you. I will challenge you to overcome the challenges you see in your life with support and positive feedback. My approach is working collaboratively toward a happier life for you by helping you make positive changes, including increasing your self-awareness and those barriers that have come between you and your goals.
My specialties include working with children and adolescents, couples, and in crisis intervention. I have experience in many areas, including family reunification counseling, anxiety, depression, and OCD. I also teach our co-parenting class here at CCS on Saturday mornings. Please call and set an appointment with me to help you develop new tools to overcome emotional hurdles you are facing with strength and confidence.
Preparing for Mother’s Day: Support and Empowerment
Mother’s Day is an occasion that many people around the world celebrate. However, it is not often the happiest day for many others. Mother’s Day can trigger some of the toughest feelings for people, such as those grieving the loss of a child, struggling with infertility, those without a relationship with their own mother, or even struggling with adoption.
Mother’s Day is an occasion that many people around the world celebrate. However, it is not often the happiest day for many others. Mother’s Day can trigger some of the toughest feelings for people, such as those grieving the loss of a child, struggling with infertility, those without a relationship with their own mother, or even struggling with adoption. It’s important to take care of yourself as Mother’s Day approaches, as some of these tough feelings are brought up. Here are some helpful ways to plan ahead to support and empower yourself through Mother’s Day:
Plan Ahead
Schedule ahead how you plan on celebrating Mother’s Day. Whether it be taking the day off and shopping around, plan a trip, or dedicate the day to just overall self-care.Take a Social Media Break
With the convenience of social media, we can stay connected to our loved ones. However being sucked into social media leads us into comparison and jealousy, especially during holidays. Take the day off from browsing through social media to avoid some tough feelings.Talk About It
Take the time to meet with your therapist or to talk to a trusted loved one about your thoughts and feelings. Speaking with someone about your hurt or frustration can be so helpful.Feel Your Feelings
It may be the most uncomfortable thing to do, but you owe it to yourself to truly acknowledge the hurt that you may be experiencing during the holiday. Acknowledge those feelings and practice your self care/ coping skills to enhance your emotional wellness.
CECILIA FABE, ACSW
I believe that you are truly capable of overcoming life’s difficulties through thoughtful therapeutic guidance.
Dealing with life’s stressors can often be overwhelming, and continuing to experience emotional stressors can create a debilitating impact upon the relationship you have with yourself and others. Just because you experience these stressors, doesn’t mean you have to go face them all alone. Whether it be depression, anxiety, hopelessness, relationship conflicts, etc. I hope to be your trusted support.
My name is Cecilia, and I am a compassionate, empathetic clinical therapist. I obtained my B.A. in psychology from UC Riverside and my Master of Social Work from Loma Linda University. My professional experience includes providing individual and group therapy services in the outpatient setting in both mental health and substance abuse clinics. I provide counseling for teens, adults, and couples.
My focus is on providing trauma-informed care that is client-centered and strengths-based. I have the strong belief that treatment is focused on you, and that you are truly capable of overcoming life’s difficulties, especially through thoughtful therapeutic guidance.
I provide services utilizing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), Solution Focused Brief Therapy, Trauma-Informed Systems, as well as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) Therapy. I provide therapy in both English and Tagalog!
My hope is to provide you with a safe space to be able to work through life’s stressors and for you to feel supported, empowered, & capable.
Preparing for the Posts Ahead and FOMO: How to Deal with the Fear of Missing Out as We Begin Festival Season
All generations are now familiar with social media – from creating and sharing posts about their weekend adventure to sharing the next up-and-coming restaurant that just popped up. It is without a doubt that we all feel the excitement to share with our family, friends, and followers on the most exciting times of our lives, however have we ever taken the chance to reflect on that feeling that we are missing out on events, festivals, opportunities that others share on their feed?
All generations are now familiar with social media – from creating and sharing posts about their weekend adventure to sharing the next up-and-coming restaurant that just popped up. It is without a doubt that we all feel the excitement to share with our family, friends, and followers on the most exciting times of our lives, however have we ever taken the chance to reflect on that feeling that we are missing out on events, festivals, opportunities that others share on their feed? This feeling is called the Fear of Missing Out. According to VeryWellMind, The Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) refers to:
“the feeling or perception that others are having more fun, living better lives, or experiencing better things than you are. FOMO is not just the sense that there might be better things that you could be doing at this moment, but it is the feeling that you are missing out on something fundamentally important that others are experiencing right now.”
Essentially, FOMO is often exacerbated by spending time on any social media platform: Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, Youtube, etc. FOMO is phenomenon that affects people of all ages, as studies have also shown that there was a greater linkage to this feeling between increased smartphone & social media usage, regardless of age and gender. Research has also shown that increased feelings of FOMO detrimentally affect an individual’s sense of self-esteem and even envy.
So how can one take care of oneself as we venture on to warmer months, more vacations, more festivals, more social media posts? How can we minimize FOMO for ourselves? Here are some tips:
Practice Gratitude
Oftentimes, we focus on our “lack mindset”. This means that we tend to focus on the things, experiences, people that we do not have. Rather, it is important for us to take the time to practice some gratitude – to change our mindset to one about “abundance”. With an “abundance mindset”, we take the time to name the people. Places, things, experiences, and so on that we are truly grateful for. With this, you can start a gratitude journal or simply take the time to practice some mindfulness and name these things to ourselves. With an “abundance mindset”, we take the time to focus on what we do have and the opportunities to follow.Get Connected
During this time, getting connected to our loved ones, including friends, family, and supporters, can be such a nice change of pace. Nowadays, we often get caught up in the speed and frenzy of social media, when we truly need to take the time to get connected either physically or through Zoom/FaceTime with those that we truly care about it. Making plans can help you with being able to conquer that feeling that you are missing out on life.Journal It Out
The benefits of this day and age is the accessibility to creating any kind of note at any time. With a smartphone or even with a regular notebook, take some time to jot down your thoughts both helpful and unhelpful. With social media, people are expected to share all the happy moments, however it’s important for us to process the moments that are the opposite. So whether your journal entry be about you promotion at work, you receiving a scholarship in school, or how the guy that cut you off while driving on the freeway was rude – journal it out to process.
Scott, E. 2021, April 25. How to Deal With FOMO in Your Life. VeryWellMind. https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-cope-with-fomo-4174664
CECILIA FABE, ACSW
I believe that you are truly capable of overcoming life’s difficulties through thoughtful therapeutic guidance.
Dealing with life’s stressors can often be overwhelming, and continuing to experience emotional stressors can create a debilitating impact upon the relationship you have with yourself and others. Just because you experience these stressors, doesn’t mean you have to go face them all alone. Whether it be depression, anxiety, hopelessness, relationship conflicts, etc. I hope to be your trusted support.
My name is Cecilia, and I am a compassionate, empathetic clinical therapist. I obtained my B.A. in psychology from UC Riverside and my Master of Social Work from Loma Linda University. My professional experience includes providing individual and group therapy services in the outpatient setting in both mental health and substance abuse clinics. I provide counseling for teens, adults, and couples.
My focus is on providing trauma-informed care that is client-centered and strengths-based. I have the strong belief that treatment is focused on you, and that you are truly capable of overcoming life’s difficulties, especially through thoughtful therapeutic guidance.
I provide services utilizing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), Solution Focused Brief Therapy, Trauma-Informed Systems, as well as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) Therapy. I provide therapy in both English and Tagalog!
My hope is to provide you with a safe space to be able to work through life’s stressors and for you to feel supported, empowered, & capable.
Late Diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) in Girls and Women
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimate that on 1 in 59 children have a diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder. They also estimate that boys are four times more likely to have a diagnosis than girls. Are there less female children experiencing the symptoms of ASD or are they just going undiagnosed or in some cases, or being diagnosed with other mental health issues instead?
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimate that on 1 in 59 children have a diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder. They also estimate that boys are four times more likely to have a diagnosis than girls. Are there less female children experiencing the symptoms of ASD or are they just going undiagnosed or in some cases, or being diagnosed with other mental health issues instead? Some of these additional mental health issues include generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, depression, eating disorders, learning disabilities, attention deficit disorder, Tourette’s Syndrom, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. Likewise, if Autism Spectrum Disorder is thought by many in the community to be more of a problem among males, could it be possible that female children and young adults go undiagnosed because the criterion often looked at for diagnosis is based on research done on males? This was a common theme I found when I researched the matter.
First, let’s look at some of the symptoms of a person experiencing Autism. Autism Spectrum Disorder includes both autism with severely compromised communication and social abilities to milder forms, previously known as Asperger’s Syndrome. The milder forms include social and communication challenges, such as poor or fleeting eye contact, difficulty with tolerance around sensory exposure (such as experiencing sounds as too loud, becoming easily frustrated with clothing textures, resistance to having hair brushed or teeth brushed, craving or avoiding certain types of movement to name a few), and difficulty maintaining and navigating social relationships. In addition, those on the spectrum often enjoy knowing about specific interests and can often retain a great deal of information to memory around these interests (sports statistics, specific periods in history, mechanical or computer technology, art, trains, classic cars, airplanes, gaming, etc.). Coping with the constant sensory bombardment, strong feelings, and navigating the often difficult social and communication challenges often leaves children and young adults feeling anxious in their everyday lives of home and school and many children become targets for bullying by other children, thus intensifying feelings of sadness, frustration, and anxiety. As a result, the person with Autism sometimes uses self-stimulatory repetitive behaviors to cope with this constant bombardment of sensory experiences, managing of feelings, and social/communication challenges as a way to self-soothe. What does self-stimulatory behavior, often referred to in the community as “stimming,” look like? It can be finger flicking, repetitive pencil tapping or tapping/rubbing on the body, cracking knuckles, rocking, arm flapping, pacing (sometimes on tip toes), repeating words/phrases, smelling objects or people, jumping/bouncing/twirling repetitively to name just a few. It can also include behavior that is considered self-injurious or aggressive towards others, such as pinching, biting, skin picking, punching and the like.
Now that we have an idea of what Autism looks like, what are some of the possible reasons behind late diagnosis of girls, young adults, and women? Some of the possible reasons outlined in research include girls present with less obvious symptoms in early childhood, they learn to mask stimming and other symptoms that make them stand out during the school day or when with other children, and they find creative ways to manage their symptoms by mimicking their same age peers who are not on the spectrum. They are more likely to engage with other children on the playground and to participate in social interaction with other same age children until they reach late childhood/early teens. When girls reach adolescence, the pressure for developing and managing friendships and romantic crushes/relationships often intensifies. Also, many fall at risk for bullying and find it hard to work through rejection and managing problems within their relationships during these years. Building friendships is hard for most teens, but for girls on the spectrum, it can be even more difficult to find peers who are open and accepting of them. Given these experiences, it is not uncommon for girls to be treated for anxiety, social anxiety, and depression. Anxiety and depression are not symptoms of Autism Spectrum Disorder, but rather other existing conditions that commonly occur with it. These co-occurring struggles are often what leads a parent to seek therapy or medical treatment for their child. It is not unusual for them to be diagnosed with the co-occurring mental health issues, but not Autism. Some of the reasons for this are the clinical description in the DSM V that clinicians and psychiatrists use, lists the criterion for Autism Spectrum Disorder base on the research conducted on males.
Let’s take a look at what Autism Spectrum Disorder might look like in girls:
1) She often relies on other children to guide or speak for her.
2) She is passionate about specific, restricted interests.
3) She has unusual sensitivity to everyday sensory experiences.
4) Her conversations may be restricted to specific limited topics of interest and may not allow for her peers to engage in conversation with her.
5) She has difficulty with managing feelings when frustrated, sad, angry, or disappointed.
6) She often experiences depression, moodiness, and anxiety.
7) She has difficulty making and keeping friends or may seek out friends on line where the social nuances are lessened for body language.
8) She is often described as shy or quiet.
9) She can be passive.
10) The difficulty with social and communication challenges increases with age.
11) She may experience seizures.
12) She may struggle with knowing how to take turns during a conversation.
13) She may have difficulty “reading” social cues.
14) She may use speech in unusual ways, such as speaking in monotone or with an accent or she may talk using very formal speech.
15) She may struggle with how long to hold eye contact (either by having her eyes dart away or by holding eye contact longer than might be comfortable for her peers).
Now that you have an idea of what Autism Spectrum Disorder could look like for teen girls, young adults, and women, how do you go about getting a diagnosis? You can reach out to a pediatrician or child psychiatrist who has additional knowledge around ASD and ask to have an assessment completed. If school age, your child can be assessed by a speech and language therapist for the social language concerns (they call this the pragmatic use of language) and a school psychologist who can provide different rating scales that can be filled out. If you live in California, you may access the regional center in your location for evaluation as well for more severe forms of ASD.
Once diagnosed with ASD, there are options for social skills development groups as well as individual therapy to assist in coping with the co-occurring conditions, such as anxiety, social anxiety, and depression. Speech therapy can assist with helping her to better acclimate to social situations and the nuances of both verbal and non-verbal body language, which are often confusing to her. Occupational therapy can help with management of overwhelming sensory experiences and can help target areas of need. These sensory challenges present differently in different people and part of the assessment with the occupational therapist can help in this regard. If there is a co-occurring learning disability or her needs rise to the level of needing additional emotional support in school, a parent can seek out testing through the Individual Education Plan process to access special education services. Lastly, if medical treatment is needed to help with anxiety or depression, a referral to a psychiatrist can be made. A psychiatrist is a medical doctor who specializes in medications for mental health disorders. Getting a diagnosis is more than just finding a label to explain what is happening. It can help girls on the spectrum to get support earlier and hopefully, reduce some of the symptoms they may experience from co-occurring issues.
McGuire, Wendy, MSW, RSW, Ph.D, “The Struggles of a Teenage Girl with a Late Autism Diagnosis,” Autism Parenting Magazine, February 17, 2022. (https://www.autismparentingmagazine.com/struggles-teenage-girl-autism-diagnosis/)
Rudy, Lisa Jo, “Symptoms of Autism in Girls,” Very Well Health, November 2, 2021. (https://www.verywellheatlh.com/signs-of-autism-in-girls-260304)
Breen, Audrey, “Adolescence Can Help Unlock Autism Diagnosis in Girls,” UVAToday, August 31, 2020. (https://news.virginia.edu/content/adolescence-can-help-unlock-autism-diagnnosis-girls)
Jack, Claire, Ph.D., “Women and Autism Checklist of Symptoms: Social Symptoms,” Psychology Today, June 18, 2020. (https://www.psychologytoday/com/us/blog/women-autism-spectrum-disorder-202006/women-and-autism-checklist-symptoms-social-symptoms)
“Autism in Girls: Symptoms and Diagnosis,” Medical News Today, June 26, 2019. (https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/325574)
“Autism First Signs and Checklist for Teenagers,” The Spectrum, printed March 11, 2022. (Https://thespectrum.org.au/autism-diagnosis/checklist-teenagers/)
COLLEEN DUGGIN, LCSW
I enjoy partnering with you as begin taking steps toward healing and feeling better. I understand that making the choice to see a therapist may be difficult for you and my goal is to provide a safe and comforting environment for you to work through problems in your life.
I have spent time helping people who are experiencing social and emotional challenges related to being on the Autistic Spectrum as a result of my past work at Inland Regional Center and I know how difficult and challenging it is to have a child on this spectrum. I understand your fear of an unknown future for your child as well as the daily struggles such as attending school, making friends or meltdowns for no apparent reason. I understand your anguish and frustration for finding the proper help for you child. Call me and let’s begin the important work of supporting you and helping your child.
If you are a parent with a child who has issues with Attention Deficit Disorder with or without Hyperactivity, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and Tourette’s syndrome, I have vast experience and knowledge in these areas and will collaborate with you to develop a plan for working with your child, which may include questionnaires about parenting a child with special issues. I will dig in and work with you to find a workable behavioral structure that can help you, the parent and help your child manage the symptoms. I offer you, the stressed and worn out parent who loves their child deeply but are exhausted a safe place to talk and discuss the issues of importance to you. Additionally, we will work together to develop a self-care plan that will help you to reduce the symptoms and enhance coping skills. This is why I chose Saturday to work to be the most convenient day for most parents.
Please, call me today to set up an appointment, it would be my honor to help you restore control, peace and calmness back into your family. I am easy to to get a hold of email: therapyccs@gmail.com or you can text me to set up your appointment (951) 323-2182 or if you wish to speak to a staff member call our main reception @ 951-778-0230. No excuses to not have control of your life.
Save a relationship by using these ‘Fair Fighting Rules’.
As you are probably well aware, the last few years have been difficult due to so many occurrences happening in the world. Political issues, COVID-19, so many different losses in everyone’s life, not to mention all the different viewpoints related to all these topics
As you are probably well aware, the last few years have been difficult due to so many occurrences happening in the world. Political issues, COVID-19, so many different losses in everyone’s life, not to mention all the different viewpoints related to all these topics. I hear and see so many families and friends being divided due to having opposing stances on the different topics including, politics, vaccination or not, etc.
Knowing that each one of us is going through a difficult time hopefully gives us pause, and allows us to consider some of the tools to be able to listen to one another and use some ‘fair fighting rules’ so we can continue communicating and having a relationship instead of ‘breaking up’.
Ask yourself why are you upset? Are you upset because someone didn’t fold their laundry, or left the ketchup on the counter? Or do you feel that the household chores are not divided equally and this is just another proof?It’s good to figure out your own feelings first before starting an argument and at the same time staying on 1 topic. If we are angry about not getting the help we want with household chores, we are not arguing about “too much videogame time” in this moment; that might be a topic for another conversation.
No reason to yell or make it personal by using degrading language. Let’s stay focused on the issue we are upset about, not making the other person feel bad.
Using “I” statements. You’ve probably heard people say this before, and it really works. Blaming the other person will most likely result in a defensive answer from the instead of a solution that works for both of you. Saying “I feel hurt/upset/sad/worried/….when …. and I would like…..” we are not blaming our partner, instead taking responsibility for our own feelings.
If we take the previous example and compare: “You always leave the ketchup on the counter and never clean up after yourself” Vs. “I feel overwhelmed and frustrated when I see the ketchup on the counter after you used it. I would like/appreciate it if you put it away after using it so we can spend some more time together instead of me having to clean up”. You will most likely get more help with the second sentence than the first.
Reflective listening. Making sure we understand what the other person is saying instead of assuming what we think they said. So instead of responding immediately, restate what they said in your own words and make sure the other person agrees before sharing your side. People will feel more understood, even if you disagree.
Following these tips is not always easy and arguments can become heated. Know when to take a time-out. Let the other person know that you need some time to calm down, or if the other person asks, respect their request. Do something relaxing to calm down and set a time when you are able to have a conversation to come to a mutual agreement about the topic. Remember even ‘agree to disagree’ can be an agreement. Don’t leave the topic unaddressed, because that might start another argument.
I hope these tips are helpful and will strengthen your relationships with family and friends instead of creating more divide between us. We are all going through some difficulties, it would be great if we could be supportive for each other. If you need some help or practice on how to implement these ‘fair fighting rules’, or you are struggling with relationships, parenting issues, or grief, please don’t hesitate to contact us at Central Counseling Services and we will support and guide you along your journey.
ILSE AERTS, LMFT, LPCC
Are you sad, worried, stressed or anxious? Have you experienced trauma? Are you overwhelmed as a partner, parent or caregiver? Don’t keep trying to do it alone. We’ll explore where grief and loss, parenting, or the challenges life has thrown you might be showing up in how you’re feeling.
Maybe you’ve moved from a different state or country and are trying to cope with the Southern California way of life. Yes, we have In-N-Out, but we also have the 91 freeway and a busy pace nobody warned you about. I understand that adjustment, and how hard it can be to adapt to new expectations and getting comfortable with a different language because I’ve done it myself. I can offer you guidance and support, and together we can rediscover your inner strength working through those challenges.
Let’s look at where and what you want to change, and fix it in a way that works for you. I utilize techniques from evidence based theories including cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), solution focused interventions, person centered strategies, and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)that are tailored to your specific needs. Your treatment is a team effort, and you decide where you want to go and what success will look and feel like. My job is to help you get there.
I earned my Master degree in Clinical Psychology from Vrije Universiteit Brussel. Yes, that’s in Belgium where there is no IN-N-Out or 91 freeway. I’m a member of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists and California Association for Licensed Professional Clinical Counselors. That allows me to provide extra resources and educational opportunities to give you the best care you deserve.
I welcome clients from all cultural backgrounds, family structure, beliefs and ages, and work with most issues. My colleagues and clients call me the “resource Queen.” That means if even one client needs a resource or a new approach, I will find it and we will use it. My commitment is always to provide my clients with the best care and most current resources.
Call our office at (951) 778-0230 to set up an appointment. The office is open seven days a week, and I am available weekdays. I will see you soon.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life, let’s make it:
great
worthwhile
count
awesome
wonderful
....... it’s up to you!
Do your friends tell you you need a therapist?
Nora discusses the struggles and emotions that come along with being visually impaired and wants others to know they aren't alone. It is important to face these challenges and she helps clients combat them by using tools and different coping skills to fight them once and for all. Nora advocates for those struggling and provides a therapeutic safe space with no judgment to help clients live their best lives.
Check out our latest vlog HERE
Nora discusses the struggles and emotions that come along with being visually impaired and wants others to know they aren't alone. It is important to face these challenges and she helps clients combat them by using tools and different coping skills to fight them once and for all. Nora advocates for those struggling and provides a therapeutic safe space with no judgment to help clients live their best lives.
NORA MUONGPRUAN, AMFT
I have a passion for sing with people and helping them find a sense of hope in their most vulnerable moments. I believe that everyone has a right to be heard and validated. I use a client-centered, collaborative approach allowing the person the opportunity to discover the barriers that keep them from living their best life. In addition, I serve as a guide for the client to reach their own personal goals.
I enjoy working with people of all ages, including children, teens, and adults. My therapeutic space is always compassionate and non-judgmental to allow a safe and comfortable place to navigate and explore what is needed.
I am a member of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (CAMFT).
How to Manage Holiday Stress
While Easter is approaching, it’s important to discuss ways to get out of the rabbit hole this weekend. Celebrating Easter does come with its many quirks - preparing gift baskets, hiding Easter eggs for the kids, and so on. However, regardless of the fun, it’s a holiday, and many people out here may love or hate holidays. It’s important that as we approach yet another holiday to practice self-awareness.
While Easter is approaching, it’s important to discuss ways to get out of the rabbit hole this weekend. Celebrating Easter does come with its many quirks - preparing gift baskets, hiding Easter eggs for the kids, and so on. However, regardless of the fun, it’s a holiday, and many people out here may love or hate holidays. It’s important that as we approach yet another holiday to practice self-awareness. Below are listed some ways in which we all can ease the stress that comes with celebrating:
Acknowledge your expectations.
Take some time to consider what you value during the holiday. Is it spending some time with a religious community? Or maybe skipping out on inviting the whole world to your Easter party and inviting those dearest to you? Either way, with each holiday season comes a lot of self reflection that you’d have to practice.
2. Communicate with your support system.
Holidays can be stressful. Take some time to contact your support system - a close family member, friend, etc. - who can be able to listen to your concerns. You can even take time to speak with your therapist if your are linked with one. Talking your thoughts out to process can be incredibly helpful.
3. Start a New Tradition.
Sometimes creating our own new traditions can be most helpful in navigating through a holiday. Take some time to consider what are some customs that are important to you and possibly apply it to the upcoming holiday.
4. Volunteer.
Holidays are always the perfect opportunity to practice altruism and support your community. With this upcoming Easter season, you may spend time making easter baskets to hand out to the community or participate in arranging easter festivities for little one’s with your local church.
5. Contact Us for Help.
If the upcoming holiday is truly a difficult time for yourself, there is always the option of reaching out to your mental health services provider or therapist. Make sure to discuss with your providers ahead of time in coming up with a safety to address your concerns.
Easter can be such a joyful time, however it’s important for us to be mindful when we are overwhelmed, so we don’t fall into that rabbit hole.
CECILIA FABE, ACSW, 96704
I believe that you are truly capable of overcoming life’s difficulties through thoughtful therapeutic guidance.
Dealing with life’s stressors can often be overwhelming, and continuing to experience emotional stressors can create a debilitating impact upon the relationship you have with yourself and others. Just because you experience these stressors, doesn’t mean you have to go face them all alone. Whether it be depression, anxiety, hopelessness, relationship conflicts, etc. I hope to be your trusted support.
My name is Cecilia, and I am a compassionate, empathetic clinical therapist. I obtained my B.A. in psychology from UC Riverside and my Master of Social Work from Loma Linda University. My professional experience includes providing individual and group therapy services in the outpatient setting in both mental health and substance abuse clinics. I provide counseling for teens, adults, and couples.
My focus is on providing trauma-informed care that is client-centered and strengths-based. I have the strong belief that treatment is focused on you, and that you are truly capable of overcoming life’s difficulties, especially through thoughtful therapeutic guidance.
I provide services utilizing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), Solution Focused Brief Therapy, Trauma-Informed Systems, as well as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) Therapy. I provide therapy in both English and Tagalog!
My hope is to provide you with a safe space to be able to work through life’s stressors and for you to feel supported, empowered, & capable.
Emotional Intimacy
Have you ever spent the entire day with someone, but still felt like you missed them or you didn’t really connect in your time together? It’s possible that you are doing tasks alongside someone but missing emotional intimacy. Emotional intimacy applies to all relationships.
Have you ever spent the entire day with someone, but still felt like you missed them or you didn’t really connect in your time together? It’s possible that you are doing tasks alongside someone but missing emotional intimacy. Emotional intimacy applies to all relationships. You do not have to be a touchy-feely person to have emotional intimacy. It's more a matter of having the ability to show someone that you care, rather than gushing over someone and sharing all of your feelings all of the time.
“Emotional intimacy could be defined as allowing yourself to connect more deeply with your partner through actions that express feelings, vulnerabilities and trust,” says Sanam Hafeez, a neuropsychologist in New York City and faculty member in Columbia University's clinical psychology Ph. D
Here are some examples:
When you’re aware that your friend has an important event coming up and you text them to “Best of luck” on the day of or ask them how it went.
When you ask your parent for their opinion on a subject even if you don’t need their advice. Giving them an opportunity to give a neutral perspective on a topic.
When you’re running late to work and your partner helps you out by packing your lunch and getting your coffee started.
When you see that a family member had a strong reaction to something, checking in with them about it later to see how they felt or if they want to discuss it.
You tell your parents about an upsetting experience you had and they listen carefully to your complaints and discuss them calmly with you.
You tell your coworker about an incident at work and they listen to you and offer support as you figure out how to navigate the situation.
Emotional Intimacy in Romantic Relationships
A relationship can survive without physical intimacy, but not emotional intimacy. Emotional intimacy in relationships is important as it allows you to reach new levels of trust and vulnerability in your relationship. Common challenges to emotional intimacy in relationships are when one partner feels that their partner is not providing equal levels of emotional attention and support or when one partner confuses emotional intimacy as an opportunity to emotionally unload on their partner.
How Do You Build It?
The recipe for emotional intimacy is equal parts communication and trust. Emotional connections take time to build. In addition to having patience you have to create opportunities to demonstrate that you can be trusted. This allows, the other person to gauge how safe they are to be vulnerable with you and how reliable you are. It’s important to start where the other person is. Start with the present relationships or interests, rather than childhood and deep family relationships.
Why Don’t You Have It?
Is it a trust issue? communication issue? or both? Having a strong emotional bond is an outcome of working on these issues first. Trust is the hardest to build and easiest to lose. If you find yourself in a situation where you’re in the re-building phase of trust. The person has to be willing to put in the effort to repair what they have broken. They have to take ownership of what actions they took to damage the relationship in the first place. The focus should be on building a healthy relationship instead of recreating the relationship you once had. The reality is that it's gone and if you were both truly fulfilled then it would have been sustainable.
How Do You Accept That Your Partner Will Not Give It To You?
Can you force someone to give you what they don't have? For many people it isn’t a conscious decision but more of a completely new way of relating to someone. Healthy marriages are supposed to be different than every other relationship you carry. It is unique and that often makes it challenging for people to create something they’ve never had.
If your partner can carry an emotionally intimate relationship but chooses not to, then you can't force them. You should demonstrate patience and communicate your needs consistently and calmly. Once you’ve established that they understand what you are asking for, given clear ways of creating it, and given ample opportunities to make the changes necessary, then you have to accept that you don’t have control over their behavior. You can choose to remain in the relationship as it is, but it is likely you are continuing in the relationship based on the potential you see in the relationship, more than the reality of the current relationship.
For more info, https://www.nbcnews.com/better/lifestyle/how-build-emotional-intimacy-your-partner-starting-tonight-ncna1129846
Vanessa Trujillo, LCSW
My first steps into the field of mental health started in Los Angeles County working to reunite families who had been separated due to abuse and generational trauma. I learned firsthand how important it is to heal from emotional pain in order to develop healthy relationships and positive personal change.
I have worked as a therapist for 8 years and know that we are all working towards stability and security. I have found success in working with youth, women, children, and families, ages 4-80 years old, who struggle to manage their worries, feel hopeless, and/or have experienced trauma. It is important to me that I learn about each client, in order to identify ways that I could be of service to them and their family, rather than to pathologize their behavior.
I strive to provide mental health services based in compassion, commitment, and honesty. My goal is to ensure that each person I work with understands their behavioral health condition and can identify techniques to be successful in overcoming any impairments. Often, when facing challenges with our emotional health, we become convinced that we are in a hopeless situation. While no amount of therapy can change someone’s lived experiences, in therapy we work to understand the meaning of these events and provide you with tools to determine the direction you want your life to take.
Our sessions will include theory, literature, and evidenced based techniques to create practical solutions that can be used in everyday situations. I would love to assist you in taking the first steps in a journey to improve the quality of your life and/or relationships.
TO BOOK A SESSION WITH VANESSA CALL 951-778-0230. VANESSA IS ALSO BILINGUAL IN ENGLISH AND SPANISH.
Depression: recognizing the signs, how to cope, and where to find help
Depression can make it tough to enjoy life, especially when feelings of despair and hopelessness always persist. Here are some tips and helpful ideas for overcoming depression.
Depression can make it tough to enjoy life, especially when feelings of despair and hopelessness always persist.
Some notable symptoms include depressed mood (feeling sad, irritable, empty) or a loss of pleasure or interest in activities, for most of the day, nearly every day, for at least two weeks. Several other symptoms are also present, which may include poor concentration, feelings of excessive guilt or low self-worth, hopelessness about the future, thoughts about dying or suicide, disrupted sleep, changes in appetite or weight, and feeling especially tired or low in energy.
In some contexts, people may express their mood changes more readily in the form of bodily symptoms (ie. pain, fatigue, weakness). Yet, these physical symptoms are not due to another medical condition.
During a depressive episode, a person may experience significant difficulty in personal, family, social, educational, occupational, and/or other important areas of functioning.
A depressive episode can be categorized as mild, moderate, or severe depending on the number and severity of symptoms, as well as the impact on the individual’s functioning.
Below are some tips to begin self-help for managing symptoms of depression:
Engage in enjoyable activities: Spend time doing something you love each day. Spending time consistently to do things that bring us joy has a compound effect on our overall happiness and quality of life.
Physical activity: Walking and yoga are great ways to boost the “feel good” chemical in our brain and increase mood.
Journaling: Journaling helps to manage our thoughts and feelings and get them off our mind.
Listen to music: Music is another fantastic way to cope with depression. Make a playlist of uplifting songs to listen to when you’re feeling down.
Relax: Relaxation can also help you cope with negative feelings. Take a hot shower, a bath, and watch a movie or TV show. You will be surprised at what some good R&R can do for your mood.
Volunteer: Volunteering is a great way to avoid negative thoughts and help those who may be worse off than you. Serving others is a proven way to build self-esteem and resiliency. Look for volunteer opportunities in your area.
Get enough sleep: Sleep also correlates with your mood. If youre not sleeping well, then you probably feel more depressed and irritable, not to mention tired. Talk to your doctor about your options to help you get a good night's sleep.
***Seeking help and support can seem impossible, but there is hope and assistance out there.
Where to find support:
SAMHSA’s National Helpline
SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental health and/or substance use disorders.
Visit the online treatment locator:
https://findtreatment.samhsa.gov/
Other options to seek help:
Call your doctor and make an appointment.
Call your local County Mental Health clinic.
~Brandi Scott, LMFT
I have been a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist since 2007. I enjoy working with all ages, but have specialized in children and adolescents with severe emotional disturbances. I enjoy family time, bicycling, and going to the beach. I feel blessed to have the opportunity to help people, as this has always been my passion.
Accidents Happen to All of Us
It is important to remember we are sometimes overtaken by our intense pain, both physically and emotionally, that it is easy to overlook the good and where we can improve our own environment to support healthy functions.
At the age of ten I was in a fairly bad car accident. It left me with a broken nose and severe whiplash. By age twelve I was beginning to complain about neck and pack pains and by fourteen the feelings were daily. Throughout high school it was not uncommon to hear me complaining about my neck and back or constantly pulling and adjusting at my shoulders. At that time, however, it did not keep me from doing the things I loved to do, such as sewing, dance, and other physical activities. My homelife was also stressful at that time and days where pain flareups were worse, I often did little to nothing. Of course, doing little to nothing can be common in teenage years, but the constant pain on top of stress could drain the energy from me and leave me with no reserves for basic functions.
I married and had kids young and the stress of this also made for difficulties in managing my pain. By the age of twenty-five and a couple more car accidents, I had finally had enough and sought more intensive treatment. I was given shots, pills, and physical therapy. All of which provided temporary relief (except perhaps the agonizing and daily requirements of physical therapy which took a long time to see lasting results from), and I was never one to want to be dependent on pills. I needed to reevaluate everything.
The Problem
Experiencing chronic pain can impact not only your daily functioning, but your mental health. Pain can have a significant impact on all areas of our lives from sleep to eating to even thinking straight. The populations with the highest rates of suicide deaths are those cited as nearly one in ten having had signs of chronic pain. Pain can affect the way we sleep and our quality of sleep, making our ability to eat and tolerate stress and frustration impossible, as well as decrease focus/concentration-related accidents. Sleep is arguably one of the most important basic functions we can do as humans. Our mental health is directly affected when we are negatively impacted by constant and persistent pain, creating a level of emotional hostility when we are preoccupied with managing even mild rates of discomfort. We become less friendly, experience less happiness, basic functional impairment (as discussed above), and increase our production of the stress hormone cortisol.
While there is a physiological and medical cause for a lot of chronic pain, it is important to critically evaluate your lifestyle and the way we interact with ourselves. While our mental state and emotional health may not always be a cause of pain, it is something well documented to have somatic implications on our physical health.
Why This Matters
Chronic pain and its emotional effects it can have in our lives can hinder our self-esteem, self-efficacy, and our relationships with others. This is important because we rely on the emotional (and sometimes physical) support of others. It can feel hard to tolerate being an emotional support for others when you feel constant agony within yourself. It can fuel undo resentment that is difficult to rationalize. It can cause us to be short-tempered, snarky, snappy, or completely unresponsive. Chronic pain can damage relationships as much as it can damage our self-worth and self-esteem.
The presence of chronic pain can create and worsen our perception and interaction with others and the world by depriving us of basic needs as well as emotional wellbeing.
The types of chronic pain we all can deal with will vary from person to person and natural temperament plays an important role too. Our support system is another big factor which is why pushing people away for what we cannot control is the last thing we want to do! We may not be able to control how we feel at any given moment, but we always have control over our behaviors and the words we choose to express our pains and frustrations.
What Can We Do?
While the idea of managing chronic pain with no end in sight can be daunting as well as devastating, it is important to have a team behind you. This is your care team of professionals, such as doctors and therapists, as well as your support team such as friends and family. If pain management has minimal effects on comfort, such as those suffering with fibromyalgia or other painful conditions, having a solid care routine is crucial. Follow your medical doctor’s recommendations and advice religiously.
You can also get emotional and mental support from mental health therapists that can teach you coping skills such as cognitive behavioral therapy, mindfulness therapy, somatic anchoring techniques, and exploring commitment and radical, unconditional acceptance. With support it can become easier to express your immediate needs, your limitations, and how others can best help you when you most need it. Through evaluation and inner awareness you can assess where your lifestyle can improve your quality of life as well as emotional factors playing into the worsening of symptoms.
It is important to remember we are sometimes overtaken by our intense pain, both physically and emotionally, that it is easy to overlook the good and where we can improve our own environment to support healthy functions.
Next Steps
What can we do next? Start with seeking support for emotional wellness and mental fortitude while you battle a force beyond your control. Seek someone who can help guide you through the mourning process and feelings of loss that chronic pain causes. Practice patience for yourself through this acceptance process on days you cannot do as much as you did yesterday. Use mindfulness exercises that help you through this acceptance process, but also allow yourself to experience positive moments throughout your day. While pain is experienced in the body, it is perceived only in the brain. A trained cognitive behavioral therapist can help put the experience of your pain into context and better understanding of your body. Your next steps may be daunting, but you do not have to endure it alone. Call me I understand you pain.
The Meaning of Life: Less Intimidating Than It Sounds
Ultimately, we can’t prevent all bad things from happening to us, and we can’t avoid pain and loss forever. But experiencing terrible things feels… well, terrible. So, if part of the human experience is accepting the reality of pain and loss, what’s an ordinary human to do about it? How can we find a sense of purpose or meaning in the midst of a pandemic, war, political unrest, chronic illness, or anything else we might face in life?
What’s the point?
For many of us, pandemic life has thrown more than just our daily routines into chaos. It’s shown us pain, loss, and suffering on a global scale – and for most of us, this is different from anything we’ve experienced before now. When we’re surrounded by so much uncertainty,
it’s easy to wonder what the point of it all is.
Ultimately, we can’t prevent all bad things from happening to us, and we can’t avoid pain and loss forever. But experiencing terrible things feels… well, terrible. So, if part of the human experience is accepting the reality of pain and loss, what’s an ordinary human to do about it? How can we find a sense of purpose or meaning in the midst of a pandemic, war, political unrest, chronic illness, or anything else we might face in life?
Defining “Meaning”
The difficult thing about “meaning” is that it can’t easily be quantified – we can’t see it or measure it, so how do we know when our lives have it? Maybe more importantly, what IS the meaning of life and where do we find it?
There really isn’t any “one size fits all” answer to that question for everyone. But don’t let that discourage you – from an Existential-Humanistic theoretical approach, that lack of a concrete answer means that we each have the freedom and capability to determine what makes our lives meaningful, and then take our own steps to attain it. From this philosophical standpoint, life’s meaning can look different for each of us.
Perhaps the best question to ask isn’t, “What’s the meaning of life?” but rather,
“What’s the meaning of MY life?”
From an Existential viewpoint, the bad things that happen to us are constant reminders of our own limits and eventual mortality.
This means that it’s up to us to be responsible for creating meaningful lives and making each day count to the fullest.
The Humanistic viewpoint is that people are generally good, with the free will to make the best choices, and the potential for self-improvement. When combined together, these philosophies can help create an approach that motivates us to become our best selves, and tap into our personal power for growth and interconnectedness.
Identifying Values and Goals
If you want to take a deeper look at your life and start creating your own meaning, where should you begin?
There are a couple of brainstorming approaches you can take. First, start thinking about where the most important things in your life come from. Are they extrinsic, coming from outside influences? Or are they intrinsic, coming from within yourself?
Next, write a list of your most deeply held values – including those important things you already brainstormed about. You can get really abstract with this – remember, there is no right or wrong answer.
Think about what brings you joy, what ideas or morals you believe are worth fighting for, and ultimately what makes your life worth living from one day to the next.
Finally, think about what you would like to accomplish in your life. Make a list of these “bucket list” goals.
What did you come up with? You might have written down things like raising children, helping others, or your career. Did you write about your passion for a particular cause? Do you have a goal to contribute to society and connect with others in a specific way? Maybe you want to support an organization for animal rights, perform community service with a marginalized population, or promote awareness for research to cure an illness that has impacted your life.
Don’t forget your own personal development, as well. When you wrote your lists, did you include friendships, partner relationships, and family bonds? What about things like hobbies, education, or physical well-being? Making healthy choices for yourself are an important part of the personal growth process that will help you form connections with the world around you and interpret it in meaningful ways.
Further Framework
Viktor Frankl wrote Man’s Search for Meaning in 1946 after his experiences as a prisoner in Nazi concentration camps. He developed a therapeutic method for individuals to find purpose and meaning in life, and part of his method was to identify three values that he felt were the core of that meaning. Frankl’s three life values are:
Creative Value: What we create or accomplish is the gift we give to the world around us.
Experiential Value: What we receive from the world through our experiences and encounters.
Attitudinal Value: The attitudes we choose to have about bad situations that we cannot control.
Frankl believed that we can create our own meaning by giving something back to the world, by experiencing love for others, and by acknowledging our pain and loss, yet choosing to persevere even when things are difficult. Are Frankl’s life values part of the lists you wrote?
Dr. Paul Wong also built on Frankl’s ideas to create his PURE model to help individuals find their life’s purpose and meaning. You can use it as an additional guideline to take a closer look at the way you live in relation to your values and goals. PURE stands for:
Purpose: Your life goals and what you want to accomplish.
Understanding: Yourself, the situations around you, and your life as a whole.
Responsible action: Doing the right thing, in line with your personal values.
Enjoyment and Evaluation: The happiness that comes from living your authentic purpose, and regularly checking in with yourself to make sure that you are on the right path.
Dr. Wong also adheres to several specific sources of meaning, such as achievement, self-transcendence, relationships, intimacy, and fairness. These sources can serve as the building blocks that you can use to apply the ideas in the PURE model to your own life. Did you write any of Dr. Wong’s sources on your lists?
Next Steps
Now that you have an outline to use as a starting point, get creative! Reach out and see what your community has to offer, learn new skills, choose habits that will cultivate your well-being, and foster new connections with those around you. Remember that the goal isn’t to avoid all of the pain and loss that comes with the human experience, but for each of us to live an authentic life according to our values, and to find our own meaning in the process.
Additional sources:
Center for Substance Abuse Treatment. Brief Interventions and Brief Therapies for Substance Abuse. Rockville (MD): Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (US); 1999. (Treatment Improvement Protocol (TIP) Series, No. 34.) Chapter 6 --Brief Humanistic and Existential Therapies. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK64939/
Frankl, V. E. (1984). Man's search for meaning: An introduction to logotherapy. New York: Simon & Schuster.
Wong, Paul. (2011). Positive Psychology 2.0: Towards a Balanced Interactive Model of the Good Life. Canadian Psychology/Psychologie canadienne. 52. 69-81. 10.1037/a0022511.
If you need more help with your life’s meaning give CCS Education and Wellness a call and I will be happy to work with you.
Teens are More Prone to Anxiety
Teens are affected with higher rates of anxiety, with nearly 1 in 3 teens meeting the criteria for an Anxiety Disorder.
The last couple of years have been stressful, and not knowing when or maybe I should say if this pandemic will ever go away has caused ever greater stress. A recent research study in the Journal of Clinical Medicine entitled, Anxiety in Older Adolescents at the Time of COVID-19 (September 2020) has demonstrated higher than usual symptoms leading to severe psychological, emotional, social, and relationship concerns. It should also be noted that teens are affected with higher rates of anxiety, with nearly 1 in 3 teens meeting the criteria for an Anxiety Disorder.
Fear is the emotion that trumps all emotions, and it sets the alarms off in our brain to take some action to protect ourselves. When that happens, we are in the “Fight, Flight or Freeze” response in our brains. When this occurs, the brain releases a ton of neurochemicals which includes hormones like adrenaline and noradrenaline, increased blood pressure, and breathing rates (increased oxygen), all to single your body at least temporary to make you more powerful, stronger, faster, more cognitively aware so you can keep yourself alive by fighting or fleeing. Our brains want us to thrive, and thus sometimes, our brain becomes overprotective. Anxiety is a normal response to the pandemic, fear, social isolation, and the virus itself. The pandemic has enforced physical distancing, isolation, less direct communication, and unpredictability. If you haven’t noticed, we humans love some consistency.
If we think about being a teen and the developmental stages, it’s the teen’s job, if you will; to try on new social groups, values, big emotional responses, pushing away from parents (just a bit) to determine who they are, future planning and brain growth.
The pandemic stopped the “normal flow” of being a teen.
According to an article in Penn State Social Research, Teens and Anxiety During COVID 19. 79% of teens reported not seeing friends or family in person has been the most harmful consequence of COVID. Additionally, higher rates of anxiety, negative self-talk, blame, and physical symptoms have also been reported.
Parents weren’t immune to pandemic stress; they too had to overcome pandemic anxiety and balance increased childcare needs due to school closures and financial and other health concerns. Single parents had it particularly hard as resources dried up.
There is some good news; teens got more sleep during the pandemic, with a 14% increase in sleep overall. We turned to social media to help stay connected, and while it can’t give you a hug, we could stay connected. Many families could try new hobbies like gardening, bike riding, or cooking together. New activities make our brains happy and decrease stress.
Tools to Learn
Have you ever heard of Mindfulness? This tool helps decrease anxiety by helping us remain in the present and not thinking of all the “what ifs” of the future. Feeling the feeling or sensation of your body and just noticing what is happening. No judgment, just notice. It’s being gentle with you.
Jamie D. Roberts, LMFT, in her new book Mindfulness for Teen Anxiety, Describes “Noticing The Neutral” Since our brains are hardwired to find the negative, we must teach our brains to identify other thoughts too. She describes a quick 10-minute exercise you just notice what you’re thinking about. Are these The are main points include.
1. Pause what you are thinking and review the day you had.
2. Notice any interactions or moments that stand out. Set them aside in your mind.
3. What occurred in between those moments? Consider the mundane and typical daily activities that do not bring up extreme feelings (either positive or negative)
Examples:
Your phone is 50% charged
Your sibling is sitting next to you
You don’t have homework
4. Are there moments that happen daily or regularly? Make a note of it?
5. If you can’t think of something, pay close attention through tomorrow and try the exercise again tomorrow.
Bottom-line, the more time we pay attention to the “okay moments,” the more we will notice that life is not all bad.
Other activities to decrease anxiety include physical exercise, laughing, finding a great movie, or spending time with friends; laughing is a physical release so exercise that funny bone, eating healthy, learning something new, and journaling have proven to help reduce anxiety.
If anxiety still is overpowering, call us at CCS Education and Wellness to help. (951) 742-7435
Gratitude: How To Find It And How To Use It
Whether your difficulties preceded or were brought on by or during the pandemic—from health, grief and loss, depression, anxiety, stress, and financial problems, to work-related, family, and relationship issues—you are NOT alone! The important thing to remember, no matter which difficulties resonate, is that we are here for you and can help. Finding gratitude in your every day can also help.
Few things in life are free but luckily for us, gratitude is among them. The last few years have been unrecognizable with the constant change, uncertainty, and associated stressors with living during a global pandemic (If you are alive and reading my post, here is the first thing to be grateful for…think of it as a freebie ☺).
Whether your difficulties preceded or were brought on by or during the pandemic—from health, grief and loss, depression, anxiety, stress, and financial problems, to work-related, family, and relationship issues—you are NOT alone! The important thing to remember, no matter which difficulties resonate, is that we are here for you and can help.
Finding gratitude in your everyday can also help.
What is gratitude? The Oxford Dictionary defines gratitude as the “quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.” Gratitude “can be viewed as a wider life orientation towards noticing and being grateful for the positive in the world” (Jans-Beken et al., 2019, p. 743). Delving further, gratitude is noticing what is abundant, already present (big or small), while taking nothing for granted and appreciating the gift of and saying yes to life (Emmons & McCullough, 2003; Team, 2017).
Why is gratitude important you ask? Over the years scientists have found a positive link between gratitude, positive emotions, health, and well-being (Jans-Beken et al., 2019). Research has shown gratitude can help make friends, improve physical and psychological health, improve sleep, boost self-esteem, reduce aggression and enhance empathy (Oppland, 2022). With this realization, interventions soon were developed to assist anyone who was interested in finding what they have to be grateful for in their lives, from gratitude journaling to meditation, there is something for everyone (Jans-Beken et al., 2019; Oppland, 2022).
Gratitude journaling consists of writing about things, people, pets, places, acts, and/or events you feel grateful for (Jans-Beken et al., 2019). Doing so at least once a week is a great way to begin your practice. You can do this in a notebook, a note on your phone, on your computer, or even share (and perhaps inspire others) on your social media. There are no rules, you can journal several times a week or daily if you like.
Another way to begin your practice is to get a jar (or any vessel you prefer), write on paper what you are grateful for, and put it inside (Oppland, 2022). Many suggest writing three things on the paper from your day or week, but you could have one thing one day and five the next. If you do not want to put your paper in a jar, you could create a gratitude tree, a flower, a collage, or whatever you desire (Oppland, 2022).
If writing and artsy projects are not your cups of tea, then I suggest trying meditation. Find a quiet spot where you can sit or lay down, whichever is most comfortable. You can set a timer; I suggest somewhere between 3-5 minutes. Focus on how your body feels and your breath as you breathe in and out. With gratitude meditation, you visualize what you are grateful for in your life, including your body’s current abilities (i.e. breathing, having the arm strength to propel your wheelchair, sight, etc.). Your mind will most likely wander, show yourself some grace and return to your mediation.
Whatever path you chose, have some fun while finding your gratitude, however, please keep in mind that in order to become good at anything, you must practice, and finding gratitude in your day is no different. Most everyone gets swept up in society’s bigger, better, faster, newer mindset whether it be with cell phones, cars, houses, or body enhancements…you get my drift. However, in your gratitude practice do not be surprised if you find contentment in what you already possess. Your cell phone may not be the newest version, but you are grateful to have one, that it works, and can use it to communicate with your friends and family. Your significant other may not look as new as they once did, but you appreciate your time together, the lines on their face from your shared laughter, and being alive. Today, whether you are on top of the world or in your darkest hour, I encourage you to recognize/see/find one thing in your life for which you are grateful <3 and remember we are here for you.
-Kristen
“Great things are done by a series of small things brought together” - Vincent Van Gogh
My name is Kristen (she/her) and I am an MSW Student Intern here at CCS. I have over 15 years of experience working in adult and child welfare and dealing with the Criminal, Family Law and Juvenile Court systems. Throughout my years of experience working with families, I have encountered all ages, genders, and a variety of cultures dealing with substance abuse, domestic violence, and abuse and neglect issues. Please note, I am only English-speaking.
You are doing a great thing by considering counseling! Nothing frightens or embarrasses me and I offer a safe, judgment-free environment. Together we can create the change you seek. To set up an appointment please call, 951-778-0230.
References:
Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377.
Jans-Beken, L., Jacobs, N., Janssens, M., Peeters, S., Reijnders, J., Lechner, L., & Lataster, J. (2019). Gratitude and health: An updated review. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 15(6), 743–782. https://doi.org/10.1080/17439760.2019.1651888
Oppland, B. M. A. (2022, February 7). 13 Most Popular Gratitude Exercises & Activities. PositivePsychology.Com. https://positivepsychology.com/gratitude-exercises/
Team, T. G. (2017, November 2). What is Gratitude? Gratefulness.Org. https://gratefulness.org/resource/what-is-gratitude/